Medusa
Senior Member
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic
Hello Again, Lovely People. 
I have been gone for a while, again, which as you've probably noticed, (or not noticed at all because I'm not all that important in the larger group. lol), that is a pattern for me.
I struggle with multiple conditions and some of them cause me to need breaks, which is why I am here... and I'm not.
But I check in now and then and "like" this or that and I'm thinking about you guys.
I've come to the realization over the last few months, I mean *really* come to it, that I probably won't live more than another ten years or so because of the multiple conditions I have, mental and physical.
It's not at all sad though, rather it is freeing and is allowing me to, in a way, let go of the little things, (as much as my mental conditions will let me), and just live.
I want to enjoy however much remains of my life, whether that is seven or, 15 or, 30 years, (who really knows?), as much as I can, with the people who love me.
For me that means giving up on some medications that I have been trying variants of for years and years *and years,* that have, on the whole, only ever harmed me and not, after all these years, improved the quality of my life at all.
I feel so happy about that, even though I know that it isn't going to fix the conditions I have and I will still suffer with them. But at least I won't also suffer with side effects which not only do not help me but make me feel worse.
Anyway, I am so incredibly fortunate to have the familial support that I do. And on that train, even more than wanting to simply enjoy however much of my life is left, I want my family to enjoy however much of my life is left.
They are wonderful and supportive and I truly think that my suffering is much harder on them than it is on me.
I'm sure we all know how difficult it is to watch someone you love suffer and be able to do very little to ease it.
I have missed you guys and wanted to stop by and let you know I'm thinking about you and explain a little bit about why I've been gone and will probably continue to be here... and then not... and then be here...
I have been gone for a while, again, which as you've probably noticed, (or not noticed at all because I'm not all that important in the larger group. lol), that is a pattern for me.
I struggle with multiple conditions and some of them cause me to need breaks, which is why I am here... and I'm not.
But I check in now and then and "like" this or that and I'm thinking about you guys.
I've come to the realization over the last few months, I mean *really* come to it, that I probably won't live more than another ten years or so because of the multiple conditions I have, mental and physical.
It's not at all sad though, rather it is freeing and is allowing me to, in a way, let go of the little things, (as much as my mental conditions will let me), and just live.
I want to enjoy however much remains of my life, whether that is seven or, 15 or, 30 years, (who really knows?), as much as I can, with the people who love me.
For me that means giving up on some medications that I have been trying variants of for years and years *and years,* that have, on the whole, only ever harmed me and not, after all these years, improved the quality of my life at all.
I feel so happy about that, even though I know that it isn't going to fix the conditions I have and I will still suffer with them. But at least I won't also suffer with side effects which not only do not help me but make me feel worse.
Anyway, I am so incredibly fortunate to have the familial support that I do. And on that train, even more than wanting to simply enjoy however much of my life is left, I want my family to enjoy however much of my life is left.
They are wonderful and supportive and I truly think that my suffering is much harder on them than it is on me.
I'm sure we all know how difficult it is to watch someone you love suffer and be able to do very little to ease it.
I have missed you guys and wanted to stop by and let you know I'm thinking about you and explain a little bit about why I've been gone and will probably continue to be here... and then not... and then be here...
