Being true to myself

[Ronni]

I've been on a bit of a spiritual .... something. Not a journey, it's not formal enough for that. Not a quest either, because it's just not that intense. It feels more like being in a canoe and floating quietly down a river. Basically just pondering and musing about being true to myself.

Being fully present in my own life, and living it with authenticity and integrity is my life goal. But to be honest and open, to state my values and beliefs, is very different than having the courage to actually LIVE that way.

Talking about living that way is easy....talk's cheap, right? The fear of not being liked, wanted, accepted sometimes keeps me from being my true self. But even that's OK as long as it's part of the journey, rather than the destination of "oh well, I tried."

Being true to myself requires an honest confrontation of my flaws, weaknesses, mistakes, and a continued effort to improve, without giving up, and in spite of my fumbles.

I want to be able to stand in my own power and be genuine, and worthy, and authentic, no matter the opinions or judgements of others. It helps that I'm not easily or often influenced by others' opinions of me, but still, I'm a flawed and imperfect human, and sometimes I am not only affected, but I will change something that I wouldn't otherwise have touched. That's when I get angry at myself, or disappointed in myself. But that's part of the journey too, being able to forgive myself and move on.

I feel like I will be a work in progress for the rest of my life. And I'm OK with that.

 

[Lee]

Good honest attitude Ronni.

Being true to myself means accepting myself, warts and all.

 

[fuzzybuddy]

Well, ronni, what is this truer life you desire? Looking at your picture, and the things you have written, being a Las Vegas showgirl isn't exactly a good fit. Or is it? You don't appear to need much reforming.

 

[Ronni]

Well, ronni, what is this truer life you desire? Looking at your picture, and the things you have written, being a Las Vegas showgirl isn't exactly a good fit. Or is it? You don't appear to need much reforming.

Aww thanks @fuzzybuddy

I can be petty at times. Bitchy. Judgmental. We all know I talk too damn much!

I just.....I dunno. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of the positive opinions people have of me, the kindnesses I'm shown, the love and affection I receive. I'm pretty self-aware, and as a result I can't help but think that if folks knew the REAL me, they wouldn't be so nice to me. But then again I try SO hard to BE the real me because that's the only way I want to live. It gets pretty circular at times...can you tell???

 

[Pinky]

Aww thanks @fuzzybuddy

I can be petty at times. Bitchy. Judgmental. We all know I talk too damn much!

I just.....I dunno. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of the positive opinions people have of me, the kindnesses I'm shown, the love and affection I receive. I'm pretty self-aware, and as a result I can't help but think that if folks knew the REAL me, they wouldn't be so nice to me. But then again I try SO hard to BE the real me because that's the only way I want to live. It gets pretty circular at times...can you tell???

You're being too hard on yourself, Ronni. We all have moments where we are quick to judge negatively .. and sometimes, that judgment is warranted. Just being aware that we might be judging wrongly, is a positive step to self-awareness.

 

[oldman]

I think Shakespeare once said, "To thine own self be true" or something close to that. Just be who you are and don't put on any pretenses. There are a lot of rules in life to live by that will make each of us a good or better person, but the best advice is to just be yourself. Be honest, sincere, have integrity, don't be afraid to say "I'm sorry" "thank you," "excuse me" or "please." Always try to do the right thing.

We aren't going to be here forever, but while we are here, let's all be friends. Those that don't want to be friends, that's OK too. Let them go their own way.

 

[Ruthanne]

I very much understand and relate to your journey. It's not always easy (or rather it may be that it's never easy!) to be one's true self living in a society that promotes conformity and is very critical of those who try to be themselves.

I have my journey trying to do what I feel is necessary and have met with much rejection and laughed at, too, to say the least. Yet, I am doing okay and grateful for how far things have improved in the ways I thought never would. It had made me very sad, too, suffered much depression from it even. But the depression has lifted..it does resurface at times and that's okay, too, I still go on as I know it will pass just l like everything does in time.

My resolve is to let things pass and do the best I can with what I've got and be grateful for the successes that happen. Also, to be grateful for all I have and as far as I have come in life. It's not materialistically but then those aren't the really very important things then are they?...They are nice but there is much more in life. I see that.

 

[Ronni]

I very much understand and relate to your journey.

My resolve is to let things pass and do the best I can with what I've got and be grateful for the successes that happen. Also, to be grateful for all I have and as far as I have come in life. It's not materialistically but then those aren't the really very important things then are they?...They are nice but there is much more in life. I see that.

@Ruthanne I'm glad you can relate. Sounds like you've gone through some stuff....I'm sorry.

The "let things pass" aspect is difficult for me. I tend to dwell. I worry too damn much. I second guess myself and overthink constantly. It's a major flaw and one I've tried my whole life to do better at.

As an ancillary issue to that, I tend to get down on myself...which is think is in part what spawned this thread. I've been struggling a bit to keep my weight where I want it to be. Not that I've ballooned or anything, but I've learned that even several pounds extra that I can't immediately eliminate (I'm running at around 4 pounds over where I want to be right now) leaves me feeling like I've failed. I'm not exercising like I used to....another failure. Not as patient as I aspire to be with the grandkids recently...don't know what that's about other than some reflection on or comment about my overall dissatisfaction with myself. I dunno.

I'm not depressed, it's not that. At least I'm not showing any of the typical signs of depression, nor do I feel like I do when I HAVE been depressed in my life. I'm....blah, right now.

 

[Liberty]

Aww thanks @fuzzybuddy

I can be petty at times. Bitchy. Judgmental. We all know I talk too damn much!

I just.....I dunno. Sometimes I don't feel worthy of the positive opinions people have of me, the kindnesses I'm shown, the love and affection I receive. I'm pretty self-aware, and as a result I can't help but think that if folks knew the REAL me, they wouldn't be so nice to me. But then again I try SO hard to BE the real me because that's the only way I want to live. It gets pretty circular at times...can you tell???

Ronni, perhaps you are sensing the need to "merge" the inside self with the outside personality self now. That creates a more natural flow of emotions - call it self harmony. Then you can also experience added overall peace and harmony without the emotional "speed bumps".

 

[Ruthanne]

@Ruthanne I'm glad you can relate. Sounds like you've gone through some stuff....I'm sorry.

The "let things pass" aspect is difficult for me. I tend to dwell. I worry too damn much. I second guess myself and overthink constantly. It's a major flaw and one I've tried my whole life to do better at.

As an ancillary issue to that, I tend to get down on myself...which is think is in part what spawned this thread. I've been struggling a bit to keep my weight where I want it to be. Not that I've ballooned or anything, but I've learned that even several pounds extra that I can't immediately eliminate (I'm running at around 4 pounds over where I want to be right now) leaves me feeling like I've failed. I'm not exercising like I used to....another failure. Not as patient as I aspire to be with the grandkids recently...don't know what that's about other than some reflection on or comment about my overall dissatisfaction with myself. I dunno.

I'm not depressed, it's not that. At least I'm not showing any of the typical signs of depression, nor do I feel like I do when I HAVE been depressed in my life. I'm....blah, right now.

I'm sorry it's hard for you to let things pass and you get down on yourself. In the past I have been extremely hard on myself and so much that I had to make it a priority to let go of. I am a big woman, much more than 4 pounds over my ideal weight. I have accepted that it will take much time to lose what I need to. Trying to be much more patient with myself because I want to be kind to myself now.

There is so much meanness towards overweight people in our society but some are kind and sensitive, too. I'm not saying you are overweight. I think you are just fine as you are. I think we all need to be our own best friends and be very nice to ourselves and also to make up for the meanness out there and that is why I think we also tend to be so hard on ourselves when we do.

 

[Ronni]

I'm sorry it's hard for you to let things pass and you get down on yourself. In the past I have been extremely hard on myself and so much that I had to make it a priority to let go of. I am a big woman, much more than 4 pounds over my ideal weight. I have accepted that it will take much time to lose what I need to. Trying to be much more patient with myself because I want to be kind to myself now.

There is so much meanness towards overweight people in our society but some are kind and sensitive, too. I'm not saying you are overweight. I think you are just fine as you are. I think we all need to be our own best friends and be very nice to ourselves and also to make up for the meanness out there and that is why I think we also tend to be so hard on ourselves when we do.

@Ruthanne I had a pivotal, life changing moment years ago regarding people who are overweight. In my defense, I will say that I am typically not at all judgmental about others' physical appearance (I might get judgy about behaviors on occasion, but typically not critical about appearance.) I hadn't been dancing long, and I was at a new studio for a group class. A woman showed up for class who was morbidly obese though very enthusiastic about the dancing, and was working hard to keep up. She had to sit out a couple of times and catch her breath (it was a salsa class.) I never said a word to anyone about her, but in my head I'm thinking how she should take better care of herself and she needs to lose weight and why doesn't she do something about that etc.

After the class I overheard the obese lady and a couple of other women talking, encouraging her and telling her how well she did, and to keep it up and it wouldn't be long before she lose ANOTHER 100 pounds!!!!! WHAT????? I shamelessly eavesdropped, and yeah, in spite of her extreme overweight she started dancing because it was something she'd always wanted to do, and decided to not let her weight stop her, and maybe it would help when nothing else had. Of course it did, and she was well on the way in her weight loss journey and having the time of her life.

It was so @#$% arrogant of me, and even now I recall the moment still with a lot of embarrassment, but I force myself to tell this story as a sort of penance I guess, because I feel so bad about it.

It brought home to me very forcefully that you just never know where anyone is on their own personal journey..whether weight or anything else, and the last thing other people need to someone judging them, whether openly or silently. If they're like most people, they will FEEL the vibe even if nothing is said.

So, I apologize to you for the way I USED to be, and also for everyone who's been unkind towards you. I can't un-think what I thought back then, but going forward I CAN change my thought process and my judgmental attitude, and send good and kind thoughts and vibes, and say encouraging and supportive words wherever it will help. And so that's what I've done.

 

[MarciKS]

I've been on a bit of a spiritual .... something. Not a journey, it's not formal enough for that. Not a quest either, because it's just not that intense. It feels more like being in a canoe and floating quietly down a river. Basically just pondering and musing about being true to myself.

Being fully present in my own life, and living it with authenticity and integrity is my life goal. But to be honest and open, to state my values and beliefs, is very different than having the courage to actually LIVE that way.

Talking about living that way is easy....talk's cheap, right? The fear of not being liked, wanted, accepted sometimes keeps me from being my true self. But even that's OK as long as it's part of the journey, rather than the destination of "oh well, I tried."

Being true to myself requires an honest confrontation of my flaws, weaknesses, mistakes, and a continued effort to improve, without giving up, and in spite of my fumbles.

I want to be able to stand in my own power and be genuine, and worthy, and authentic, no matter the opinions or judgements of others. It helps that I'm not easily or often influenced by others' opinions of me, but still, I'm a flawed and imperfect human, and sometimes I am not only affected, but I will change something that I wouldn't otherwise have touched. That's when I get angry at myself, or disappointed in myself. But that's part of the journey too, being able to forgive myself and move on.

I feel like I will be a work in progress for the rest of my life. And I'm OK with that.

You should never be afraid of being disliked. I know. I've spent most of my life being disliked. I walk to the beat of my own drum. If someone doesn't like me...it's their loss. People who take the time to get to know you, open up the little mysteries that are you and make discoveries they didn't know. People who won't take the time to do that, aren't worth you fretting over. You be you gal. ❤

 

[OneEyedDiva]

I think if we're honest with ourselves, we all can use some fine tuning. There is no perfect human. I admire that you are reflecting on yourself. I've been doing the same and like you...it's not a big, formal undertaking. I seek to reach a higher level spiritually, mentally and socially. By socially I mean learning to forgive annoyances and perceived slights. Keep on doing you.

 

[MarciKS]

Some people's ideas of perceived slights is another person's idea of no big deal. I think it's just that eye of the beholder thing. I also think that the people you are surrounded with give off an energy or vibe that may not always be good.