Between a rock and a hard place.

Bellbird

Bellbird

-Oceania-South Pacific
Location
New Zealand
I am caught between a rock and a hard place. Marriage of over 50 years is over,it was a long time coming, please don't ask me why I stayed so long, now I am in a situation living in a caravan, on the property, while he still lives in the house, I know my legal rights, joint ownership, when it comes to selling the property. Only the law can force him to sell which can take a year or more. If he finds out that this is what I want ,I would see his temper big time, with him having narc tendencies he is very unpredictable and I can't trust him. :cautious:
I have no family I can go and stay with.
 

I feel so bad. I wish there were more alternatives for people in situations such as yourself. It really doesn't sound completely safe. I don't know anything about divorce laws but you have to be entitled to half, I can only assume.

Dealing with narcissistic and any of the personality disorders is a no win for the victim. There is nothing rational in dealing with them. Please keep the board posted and I'm hoping there can be some hope for alternate housing. Even a studio or room to rent?
 
I guess I am more hard headed, I would not let him force me out of my home. It he is just a narcissist, with no violent or anger driven behaviors, I would just spend my time in my room. You are under no obligation to cook, clean and provide things that benefit him. Just take care of your self. See an attorney, learn what your options are and go from there. If you think you are in physical danger it is time to see the police and file an order of protection. If at anytime he is aggresive dial 911, don't wait, just call, he has to be accountable for his actions!!
 
I don't know anything about New Zealand and the services that may be available, but it's obviously time to take stock of your situation and seek any assistance that is available.

I would seek legal assistance to see if leaving the property could be viewed as abandonment and impact your rights in a divorce or eventual property settlement.

Then I would see what is available in the form of senior housing and financial assistance if needed.

The important thing is to seek help and make people within the system aware of your situation.

Good luck!
 
So very sorry you are dealing with this. I don't know divorce law in NZ, but can you not get him to pay you half the value, he stays in house and you get the money to walk away cleanly. Best of luck and hope you get some peace.
 
Alligatorob said:
Sorry this is happening to you, hard for me to imagine how tough your situation must be.

@Blessed makes a good point, if you are not in danger moving back into the house might work.

Otherwise is there somewhere else you can park your caravan?

Hoping for the best for you.
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First clue. Blessed said he's unpredictable. That says to me he may have anger issues or is subject to do anything. Not a good environment to subject one's self to. And if Blessed is an empath or at all sensitive, absorbing the kind of negative energy that would permeate the house is not good. @Blessed

Bellbird, I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this situation. A shelter might be a good option, if there are any in your area. When you say "caravan", I don't know exactly what you mean in terms of its size. But many people are now tripping out their vans to make them livable (in fact some are similar to tiny homes) and actually enjoying the freedom the experience offers. Of course, I don't know if you have the resources to do something like that. Others have given good advice about seeing if you can get some legal help. Please take good care and stay safe.
 
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