Blonde Funnies.

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I love blonde jokes. I also love those male bashing jokes, but I'll spare you.

A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.
Nothing happened.
She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said,
"What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her
to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said,
..."HELLLLOOOO!!!
You need to roll up the windows."
 
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the
neighbor's dog that's been in the backyard barking for hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough!"
She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back to bed and her husband says,
"The dog is still barking, what were you doing?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard .... let's see how THEY like it!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Lisa & Judy were doing carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House.
Lisa who was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail
pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Judy asked, 'Why are you throwing nails away?'
Lisa explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the
head on the wrong end so I throw them away.'
Judy got upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for
the other side of the house!'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde goes to work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying
my mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the
day to relax & rest.?

'Thanks, but I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing
that here.'

A couple of hours later the boss decides to check on her. He sees the blonde
crying hysterically. 'What's so bad now, he asks.

'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!
 
"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo,............ just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot."

 
SeaBreeze said:
"Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo,............ just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year. Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot."
Click to expand...

Beautiful!
 
A Few More Blonde Jokes



The Puppies:

Two blondes went to the pound where each adopted a puppy. The joy of their new best friend was quickly overshadowed when they got home and the first blonde said, "I think we're in trouble, how are we going to tell them apart?"
This lead to several hours of concentration until finally, the second blonde said, "I've got an idea. We'll tie a red bow around my puppy and a blue bow around yours."
The next day the first blonde comes running up to the second when she got home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled the ribbons off while they were playing."
"OK, we need to find a better way to tell them apart," says the second blonde. After several more hours of concentration, they came up with the bright idea of getting different colored collars.
Again, the next day, the first blonde comes running up to the second as soon as she gets home, "Oh no, I can't tell whose puppy is whose. They've pulled their collars off while they were playing."
"There's got to be some way to tell them apart," says the second blonde.
After several more hours of concentration, the first blonde finally comes up with another idea, "I know! Why don't you take the black one and I'll take the white one!"
.................................................................................................................

Tracks in the Forest:


Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
...............................................................................................

Not All Blondes are Women:

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father?"
----------------------------------------

A Geography and Astrology Lesson:


Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooo, can you see Florida ...?"
 
Blonde at School

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," her mother replied.
The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No, it's because you're 25."

​
 
.
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone

"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"


"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.


"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"

.​
 
.

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said:
Close your curtains the next time you & your husband are having sex.


The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.


To which the blonde replied:
Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday.

.​
 
A buxom blonde and her husband were showering together when the door bell rang. The blonde jumped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her and ran downstairs to answer the door. Her husband's best friend stood there with his eyes popping out when she opened the door in her skimpy towel..."Wow" !!, he exclaimed as he stared toward her buxom bosom..."I'll give you $500 if you'll just drop that towel for a minute."

Thinking how she could use a good shopping trip, the blonde quickly glanced around and thought what would be the harm? She dropped the towel as her husband's best friend took in an eyeful. She then wrapped the towel back around her, held out her hand and the friend placed three crisp $100 bills in it. He told her to tell her husband he'd stopped by.

The blonde then rejoined her husband upstairs, and he asked her who was at the door. "Oh, it was only Ron. He said to tell you he just wanted to stop by, he'll catch you later."

"Hmm, did he say anything about the $300 he owes me?" asked her husband.
 
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