Blonde Funnies.

Blonde's Year in Review

January

Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight..

February

Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels......
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won’t fit in printer !!!

March

Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said "2-4 years!"

April

Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!!

May

Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of
water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

June

Tried to go water skiing.......couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July

Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,
the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August

Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.

September

The capital of California is "C".....isn’t it???

October

Hate M & M’s.....they are so hard to peel.

November

Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December

Couldn’t call 911 . "duh".....there’s no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
 
Wild Blonde

There was a Blonde driving really wildly, swurving and
speeding
until a police officer pulled her over and said, "You want to
tell
me why you were driving so foolishly"? The Blonde looks up
at
the officer and says, "Sorry officer but there was a tree right
in
front of me so I was trying to get away from it but it kept
coming up in front of me"! The officer starts to smile as he
says, "Uh mam, thats your air freshener".
 
Day Off

A blonde was at work and asked her boss if she could have the day off. Her
boss agreed since it was almost Christmas. The blonde crossed the street
and saw a sign. She continued walking but every time before she would turn
she would lift her shirt up and flash the cars that went by. She continued
doing so every time she turned.

Then she saw her boss drive by and once
again she flashed the car. Her boss got so distracted by this thathe drove
right into a telephone pole and had to go to the hospital. A couple of
days later the blonde came to visit. Her boss asked, "why did you flash me
when I drove by?" The blonde answered, "Because there was a sign that
said flash your headlights before you turn."
 
MOM DIED

Judi (a blonde) goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked
sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early
this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed
away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young
girl, "Why don't you go home for the day? We aren't terribly
busy. You should just take the day off to relax and rest." Judi
very calmly states, "No. I'd be better off here. I need to keep
my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need
anything, just let me know." A few hours pass and the boss
decides to check on Judi. He looks out his office and sees her
crying hysterically.

He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now? Are you going
to be okay? What's wrong?"

Judi breaks down in tears, "I just received a horrible call from
my sister. She said that her mom died too!"
 
Sally Was Painting Her Lounge Room One Hot Day

Sally was painting her living room one hot day.
"Why", her friend asked her, "are you wearing two jackets?".

"Because," said the blonde, "The directions on the can said to put on two coats."
 
A blonde walks into a shoe store to try on a pair of shoes. After trying on a pair she complained that they were a bit tight. "Try pulling the tongue out," suggests the sales clerk. "Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth," responds the blonde.



(boy, did my spell check go zonkers on this one)
 
.

A blonde guy was visiting Washington, DC for the first time.

He wanted to see the Capitol building.

Unfortunately, he couldn't find it, so he asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"

The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." He thanked the officer and the officer drove off.

Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, our blonde fellow is still waiting at the same bus stop.

The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"

The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 47th bus just went by!"

.
 
.

Instant Barbeques

A blonde went into her local hardware store and bought two instant barbeques -
the ones with the pictures of succulent foods on the lid.


The next day, she returned one of these to the customer service desk at the store
complaining that there was no food inside!


The assistant patiently told her that these were just barbeque trays
and that the food was not supplied with them.


"Oh dear" said the blonde,
"I'd better take the other one out of the freezer then"!
.​
 
That Guy said:
i+wish+these+were+brains+creative+innovative.jpg
Click to expand...

I don't...:)
 
.

In Florida there was a swimming contest.

The contestants were a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The second race was the Breast Stroke.

The order of finish was:

The brunette came in first, the redhead second...

But wait... Where was the blonde???

She was still racing!

When she got to the finish line, she said, "THEY CHEATED!!"

The Judge said "how??"

The dumb blonde screamed, "THEY USED THEIR ARMS!"
.
 
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