Born on a Rotten Day, Zodiac Signs

[fureverywhere]

https://mericlecure.dreamwidth.org/15683.html

I probably still have this book somewhere. It's not to be taken seriously, it just pokes fun at the darker side of our zodiac personalities. I am a Cancer...

CANCER

All water signs are sensitive, but cancer wallows in emotional turmoil. the moon rules cancer, and pulls on the emotional structure of the crab in the same manner as it causes the tides to rise and fall, but speeds up the process. their moods change hourly. crabs can laugh, sob, sulk, joke, retreat, attack, and complain all within a twenty-four hour period. remember that when you feel the need to rescue one. you could go to bed with Betty Crocker and wake up with Lizzie Borden.

Most are pathologically shy in public. occasionally, you'll find one in the closet at home, hugging a box of emergency junk food rations, reading an earthquake preparedness manual. they are jumpy. sudden movements panic them and most are afraid of crickets, frogs, grasshoppers, and the Easter bunny. they have been known to run themselves to exhaustion trying to flee their own shadows.

Cancers are touchy, not logical. by taking offense at the first sign of disagreement, they walk through life with an everyone's-out-to-get-me attitude. being born without the rational-thinking gene clouds their ability to look at themselves objectively. argue with one, and she will scuttle under the nearest rock to avoid conflict. but, be warned: they are not defeated, just plotting their next maneuver. let down your guard and you may lose a toe.

Fortunately with the right meds we crabs can also be incredibly creative and compassionate...but DO watch your toes...

 

[vickyNightowl]

LIBRA

Libra is ruled by the bad-girl goddess, venus. in taurus, venus bestows a greedy nature that craves possessions. in libra, she bestows and endless hunger for perfection. libras are never satisfied, with either themselves or you. being one of the bossy cardinal signs, libras view dissent as a personal affront. they pout if you change the radio station. libra's idea of peace and harmony is your total agreement with their philosophy of the moment.

Have some fun by telling yours that his or her horoscope disagrees with the fortune cookie they just read to you. that should send either gender straight for the aspirin and a cold washcloth.

Libras are subjective, not judicious. their skewed sense of justice distorts their ability to accept any argument or opinion other than their own. being born without the justice-is-blind gene has rendered them unable to remain truly impartial. argue with one, and suffer a sudden explosion of rage. prove your point, and vacillating libra may verbally agree. silently, he or she will never forgive you for being right.


How dare they,lol

 

[SifuPhil]

Pisces

...being born without the i-deserve-it gene has left them at the mercy of their own escapist nature ...

And thank Buddha for that. I never wanted nor had an "I deserve it" gene and I'd rather live in my little escapist world ...

 

[Wrigley's]

SAGITTARIUS

Jupiter, supreme god of the universe, rules sagittarius, and here this over-the-top jolly joker bestows a restless nature and extravagant personality. both sexes think they know everything and spend their time trying to educate the rest of us.

They don't do subtle. archers have outrageous horse laughs, louder than the din of times square on new year's eve, and a court-jester smile. prod beneath that slapstick grin and you'll release a ton of repressed fury. all of that suppressed rage is why sagittarius makes the world's best serial killer. like one of jupiter's thunderbolts, an archer's anger is both unpredictable and finished as soon as it cracks through the air to deafen you. luckily, your average sadge blows his, or her, top infrequently and instead of physical violence, prefers to put a fist through the door or shout vile epithets about your family heritage.

Archers are passionate, not stable. by chasing whatever attracts them at the moment, they often fall victim to their own penchant for vicarious thrills. being born with the greener-pastures gene has skewed their perspective of long-term stability versus short-term sensation. argue, and you'll suffer a lecture that will make your ears bleed. try to prove your point, and you'll be left talking to yourself because your centaur will have already jumped to the nearest fence in search of fresh clover.

(I don't prescribe to this stuff so whoever wrote this is obviously an intimate acquaintance.)
(PS - "sagittarius makes the world's best serial killer" - I've only dabbled.)

 

[Arachne]

TAURUS
Mention Taurus, and most people conjure up a mental image of Sagittarius Munroe leaf's Ferdinand the bull, peacefully chewing sweet grass and batting his big bovine eyes in placid contentment. lean across the fence and he'll let you scratch behind his ears. climb over that fence and attempt to pick a few of the daisies growing in his pasture, and you'll soon discover the dark side of tranquility - raging bull. with practice, you can spot an imminent charge. his or her face darkens visibly as the temper rises. the eyes veil, the jaw juts or sets, ever so slightly. some unconsciously lower the head a bit and look up at you as a real bull does before it charges. depending on how self-controlled yours is, you have from one second to a few minutes to brace yourself.

Venus rules Taurus and here, this ancient bad girl bestows an insatiable appetite. bulls can never get enough approval, possessions, food, rest, or sex.

Bulls are emotional, not intellectual. relying on instinct rather than fact, they often fall victim to their own judgmental natures. being born without the seeing-another-person's-point-of-view gene has voided all reason and logic. arguing your case will only enrage them and craze you. prove your point, and Taurus will simply blink those big, soulful eyes and look at you as if you were speaking a foreign language.

 

[Guitarist]

The most famous Cancer I know is Ringo Starr and that description doesn't sound a thing like him! lol

While I do have some characteristics of my own sign, I rarely display them, and they are characteristics I have garnered info about over the decades from various sources; haven't looked at this particular linked site yet.

BTW, nobody is born on a "rotten" day. Every day is a good day by virtue of people's being born sometime during it.

 

[Lon]

I am a Cancer and don't fit any of the description, maybe because I was born on the 12th and not the 23rd, oh yes, I forgot, the time of the day is important too. It's all bull shit.

 

[Cookie]

These very negative interpretations reaffirm to me that astrology and especially the so called readers are not in the least bit credible and should not be taken seriously. Run like the dickens away from these people.