Can You Be Too Fastidious?

Jamala said:
I'm with you Brother. A tidy home is a tidy mind ... a joy to return to. :)
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I agree. My sister, who is living here til she finds a place she can afford, struggled with meth addiction for about 20 years. Her thinking is chaotic because of that, and so is the part of the house she's using.

For her, the chaos is normal, so I leave it alone. And, fortunately, the house was designed so we could give her an area that's completely separate from ours.
 
Here's another thing:

You have guests and it's after dinner. You're clearing the plates and maybe you plan to play games, watch a movie or just sit around and talk. A guest INSISTS on helping you wash the dishes, load up the dishwasher, clean up the kitchen, etc. You say, oh, no, I'll do that later. Guest won't give up. Again you say, no, we're not going to clean up now. Guest persists.

Hey, it's polite to offer. That's a given. But if the hostess firmly says no we're not cleaning up now, just go with the flow.

I HATE anyone else cleaning up my kitchen. Things get put away where I can't find them for six months. My kitchen is eccentric.....just like me.

Besides, time with guests is valuable to me. I don't want to spend that time in the kitchen. I want to yak. I want to catch up. I want to play a game. Dishes can wait. Pots can wait. Wiping down counters can wait. Guests go home after a while, leaving you all the time in the world to do the yucky stuff, like Murrmurr says.

Murrmurr understands. He and Michelle can come to dinner anytime.
 
Murrmurr said:
I agree. My sister, who is living here til she finds a place she can afford, struggled with meth addiction for about 20 years. Her thinking is chaotic because of that, and so is the part of the house she's using.

For her, the chaos is normal, so I leave it alone. And, fortunately, the house was designed so we could give her an area that's completely separate from ours.
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My brain is ADHD type chaotic, not from drugs, alcohol or other substances. My house is fine, believe me.

My kitchen right now. kitchen.jpg
 
jujube said:
Hey, it's polite to offer. That's a given. But if the hostess firmly says no we're not cleaning up now, just go with the flow.

I HATE anyone else cleaning up my kitchen. Things get put away where I can't find them for six months. My kitchen is eccentric.....just like me.
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As much as the guest thinks they’re being polite, it’s actually rude to insist when someone doesn’t want the intrusion. My husband does the dishes (his way, which is the right way) and hates if someone wants to help. That includes me.
 
My home is usually neat and tidy. When family come over for a visit, I never let them do the dishes, thank God for the dishwasher. If little ones are terribly messy, I let it be until another day. Hopefully if a burglar breaks in, they will think it has just been burgled and move on to another place..
 
Muskrat said:
Hummm. So @Murrmurr how do you keep your sisters stuff from creeping? My son (meth, schizophrenic,) is living most of the time with me. I have bicycles in the living room and “his” bedroom. Tools here and there…the kitchen looks like it was hit by locusts every night. Drives Don total NUTS!!
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It's just lucky that off of our family room is a door that goes to the laundry room which leads to a very wide corridor about 20ft long. We mainly use that area for storage, but at the end of it is a door that opens into what the seller called the party room. The party room has a counter with a small stove and upper & lower cabinets, and we put a refrigerator in there. Its also got a small bathroom and a glass door that leads out to the backyard.

That's where Bonnie comes and goes, and spends most of her time. She's got a nice couch & TV and a small dining set in there, but she sleeps in our guest room (and uses the closet). She isn't great at cleaning that room, but she doesn't let it get too horrible. And we keep the door shut.

Bonnie has a suggestion for you....and remember, this is coming from a former meth addict::

Write a very detailed list of Rules i.e. No bikes in the living room; Rinse well every dish and pan you use with hot water; No company (and/or noise) after 10pm (or whatever); Clean up after preparing yourself some food....whatever fits. But each rule needs to be detailed and very specific, Bonnie says.

Make a copy for yourself.

Go over the list with your son and tell him this is his Rental Agreement. Have him sign it. Tell him that, by signing the list, he is agreeing to follow those rules, and that if he breaks ANY ONE of them, he will have 2 weeks to pack all of his stuff and find somewhere else to live.

Bonnie said you may have to get the list out once in a while and go over it again, like, if he broke a rule but you will give him a second chance, or if you just sense that he needs a reminder.

If you try that, I hope it works for you. That would be really cool.
 
I would say I am borderline OCD but live alone so it’s easy to keep my home clean and tidy, hopefully my guests don’t feel uncomfortable for instance, I do not remove empty plates/cups the minute they’ve finished with them and would not be fluffing up the cushions if they go to the bathroom ! 😅
 
Muskrat said:
Hummm. So @Murrmurr how do you keep your sisters stuff from creeping? My son (meth, schizophrenic,) is living most of the time with me. I have bicycles in the living room and “his” bedroom. Tools here and there…the kitchen looks like it was hit by locusts every night. Drives Don total NUTS!!
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LOL, my son, also schizophrenic, has chronic insomnia and his medication makes him hungry 24 hours a day, so I wake up to the "hit by locusts" thing every morning, even though I leave the kitchen in perfect order when I go to bed. I'm just grateful he's so quiet about it. Our master suite is just off the kitchen. He can make himself an entire vegan meal with fried tofu and veg and not make a sound. I don't know he's cooking unless I feel the dog coming out from under the covers to go in and help.

@jujube, I simply won't let anyone help me with the clean up other than putting away the perishables. After that they're herded into the living room with a firm hand, (this is why I'm against "open concept.")

My family comes for Christmas dinner so of course there's a huge mess by the time they leave, but that's when I relax, take my time hand washing the good china, and thinking over all that was said during the visit. It locks in the memories in, in a good way.
 
Murrmurr said:
Yes, where it comes to the house, anyway. There are family jokes about my compulsion to keep the place clean, tidy, and visually balanced. And Michelle claims to have bald spots from pulling her hair out.

But I'd never reorganize her purse. That thing is her problem. :p
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I'm the same. I don't touch my husbands spaces.
I've relaxed quite a bit over the years and I promise I would never judge a messy house. I envy relaxed freedom. I ask that you don't judge the way I like to live. Some people think that's OK.
Don't get me wrong. I am not sterile here but I like a place for everything and everything in it's place. Makes me zen.
 
I’m a neat/clean freak. So is Ron. We’re both very fastidious when it comes to organization and cleanliness. Our home is always “guest ready” for want of a better way to put it.

The kids and grandkids understand the house rules though the littles sometimes forget. Take your shoes off when you come in. No running in the house. No jumping on the furniture. No roughhousing. No screaming.

Other than that, make yourself comfortable. Our coffee table is for putting feet up on. The kitchen table is farmhouse style, cherrywood snd sturdy thet Ron built himself, and has evidence of kids’ use … markers, play doh, some scratches.. it’s for use after all.

If the guest bathroom is in use, master bath is fine, our room is always tidy, bed made, bathroom clean and organized as is the rest of the house.

Luckily I married myself when it comes to Ron 😂 We are both uncomfortable with dirt and disorder and can’t relax, so the house just never gets that way on a routine basis.

When we have folks over which we do all the time, they’re comfortable, comment on how warm and welcoming our home is, and everyone is relaxed and easy.
 
hearlady said:
I'm the same. I don't touch my husbands spaces.
I've relaxed quite a bit over the years and I promise I would never judge a messy house. I envy relaxed freedom. I ask that you don't judge the way I like to live. Some people think that's OK.
Don't get me wrong. I am not sterile here but I like a place for everything and everything in it's place. Makes me zen.
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Everything in its place is basically it for me, too.

I hate rummaging the spice cupboard for one little bottle of oregano.

I can open the fridge, grab the mustard, and close it again within a second.

You'll never hear me say "Where are the band-aids?" or "Have you seen my keys?"

You'll also never hear me ask for the Pledge, because I hate to dust.
 
I'm not a clean freak, but I like things to be put back where they belong without stuff just laying around. I try cleaning each room one at a time and a little at a time until it's done, and on to the next. Some rooms get dirty quicker than others, so I'll do what's obviously in need to be done there.
 
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