Can't We All Just Get Along??

L

Lady K

New Member
My boyfriend of 8 mths makes no effort to get to know my adult kids. They make every effort to talk with him to get to know him but he doesn't respond in kind. My family is important to me and very much a part of life. He is a sweet, funny, kind man but socially can be very awkard. I am just the opposite. Sigh...Anyone out there had this problem?
 

I have and I am feeling for ya. My last relationship of 6 years ended and the fact that he would be sarcastic, patronizing and just plain mean to members of my family. I wish I had some good advice but I just don't. Holidays and family dinners were tense and miserable for me.
 
This is the first person I have dated since my husband died. Its good that you don't have to put up with your ex-boyfrirnd's behavior anymore. There is no excuse for rudeness. My boyfriend is what he is and I know I just have to decide how much our differences bother me. It's not like either of us are going to change. The passion department is alittle lacking also...lol.
 

It's common that opposites attract, so if he's really shy and you're outgoing, it may be a good match. I wouldn't tolerate behavior like pchinvegas is mention though, sarcasm, being mean and making the family members feel uncomfortable would be a no no, he'd be a gonner.

I'm suspicious of people though, I would wonder why he's not letting them get to know him, I'd wonder if he's hiding something...like a wife, or bad behavior he doesn't want discovered. He knows you see him through loving eyes, your kids would be more of a challenge to fool...no offense please, just things I've seen happen with other folks. :)
 
I have spent a life time trying to figure out what makes people do and act the way they do. I spent a couple marriages trying to change a person into what I needed them to be. Then I realized, I can only change me, not them.
Maybe their actions are insecurity, maybe they are jealous of your time and love for your family. Either way, no matter how good their intentions you will suffer.
I had to make a choice, and for me it was the right one. My happiness and my family comes first
 
Thank you all for your responses. I know whatever decision I make will be taking my happiness and my family welfare as my first consideration.
 
SeaBreeze said:
It's common that opposites attract, so if he's really shy and you're outgoing, it may be a good match...
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Opposites may attract, but complementaries stay attached. I know it's an old expression, but from what I've seen of many couples that quirky little behavior that at first is so endearing usually results in your staring at your partner's neck while your finger strokes the edge of the Bowie knife.

Lady K, I won't judge your guy but I WILL say this: in any relationship the primary goal is to get along with EACH OTHER, not each other's families, friends and pets. I know that many people consider these to be part and parcel - "Love me, love my family" - and if you in fact feel this way then you simply need to make a decision NOW about which is more important. I know we "want it all" but perhaps that isn't a very realistic expectation ...
 
That is true on both thoughts. Opposites being able to stay together and wanting it all. I kind of want it all from a man I would want to marry but not from someone I am just dating. My daughter and my grandchildren live with me and my son nearby so it is important to me that a person is comfortable with my family. We are sometimes loud, funny and love to hug. I guess its kind of sink or swim in a relationship with me. I probably will be single for quite awhile..lol!
 
Lady K said:
That is true on both thoughts. Opposites being able to stay together and wanting it all. I kind of want it all from a man I would want to marry but not from someone I am just dating. My daughter and my grandchildren live with me and my son nearby so it is important to me that a person is comfortable with my family. We are sometimes loud, funny and love to hug.
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Oh, well, then, if he isn't marriage material you can always drop him like a bad habit. :p

I guess its kind of sink or swim in a relationship with me. I probably will be single for quite awhile..lol!
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You and me both, Sister! ;) I found one person in my life willing to put up with my insanity - I KNOW I won't find another, unless it's the interns at the Wilkes Barre Home For Idiots.
 
I won't drop him because I am having so much fun. My husband got to a point that he never wanted to go out. It is so much fun to go to concerts, dinner, walks, parking on the beach and' watching the sky,why I just give this up. I feel alive again.
 
Yes, do not think that he's the only potential SO for you at this point. Maybe just back off a bit from the relationship and get out to some new places/activities where you might meet some different guys. One of the best ways to find a person you can get along with is through a love of a common activity or hobby.
 
Lady K said:
This is the first person I have dated since my husband died. Its good that you don't have to put up with your ex-boyfrirnd's behavior anymore. There is no excuse for rudeness. My boyfriend is what he is and I know I just have to decide how much our differences bother me. It's not like either of us are going to change. The passion department is alittle lacking also...lol.
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hmm.. if you're having doubts, go with your gut & kick 'em to the curb (especially if the passion dept is a little lacking! :playful:)
There's lots of nice, single guys out there who would love to have the opportunity to socialize with your adult kids.

Since getting divorced, I have dated 3 guys and decided not to date again for awhile. The reason is I seem to be attracting those who are anxious to get married! I'm not sure if they're tired of doing their own grocery shopping/cooking etc or what?! I don't have a problem with committment, in fact I love the intimacy one experiences while in a monogamous, long term relationship. But what ever happened to being 'courted' or getting to know each other for a year or two (rather than a few months) before being surprised by someone poppin' the question?
 
SeaSparkle said:
... But what ever happened to being 'courted' or getting to know each other for a year or two (rather than a few months) before being surprised by someone poppin' the question?
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As a fellow senior I'm sure you're aware of the "Ticking Clock Syndrome" ... :D

Getting to know each other for a few years is OK when you're young and inexperienced. Once you hit a certain age / level of experience things take on a certain sameness - you begin to recognize patterns and you can pretty much tell where the path is leading.

Hell, I could tell within one full day whether I'd want to marry someone or not. :rolleyes:
 
Morning! Well I have to admit things have gotten better. I am still with the same guy. We have had some good talks and we both are trying to improve our rough spots. I know its amazing but I also have a few faults. He seems to be more relaxed around my kids and more romantic....so life is good.
 
Thanks for the update Lady K, glad to hear that things are better and life is good. :D I didn't think you had ANY faults :eek:...that IS amazing! :playful:
 

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