Checklist for Handling the Death of a Spouse

Knight

Knight

Well-known Member
After a loved one dies, their affairs need to be set in order. You might find yourself planning a funeral, paying bills and closing accounts. The list of things you need to do after someone dies can seem endless, especially during a time when you are also grieving.

Here's what to do when a spouse dies:
To much text to copy & paste so here is the info.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/checklist-handling-death-spouse-163625519.html

If you have a printer taking the time to separate and list everything you can into catagories so the surviving spouse can look up what is needed to know can help. For example

Finance all bills that need to be paid and how those are paid.
Assets list all assets
Insurance what is insured, the insurance companies
Accounts bank, credit cards with the numbers.
Debts if any and how much is owed <---- update by hand routinely
 

The wisest statement in there ... do not make any major decisions for a year (at least) .. you need that time to get yourself to a place that feels normal for you again. Bad decisions come with haste.
And organization has to be the base line for getting everything else done.
 
I remember feeling that the task was unsurmountable. Getting accounts closed and reopened. Talking to the same people over and over (and over.....) Thinking things had been done and finding out that they weren't.

My late husband was a state employee, so I had to deal with several departments to get his pension switched to me, get life insurance paid, switch over health and dental insurance, etc., etc., and it seemed every darn state employee was either incompetent, disinterested or a combination of both. Over and over again, I'd be switched between departments with each department saying, "we're not the ones who handle that" and sending me back to the first department (translation: "we're career state employees and probably can't be fired for being incompetent and/or disinterested and/or rude!")

Private firms were just as bad. I had a 45-minute "conversation" with our dial-up internet provider where they kept insisting that only the "account holder" could make changes. Well, dammit, the account holder is DEAD! Sorry, but only the account holder can make changes..... I'll send you his death certificate, OK? Sorry, but only...…… It wasn't until I pointed out that the dead account holder's charge card would also be dead on Monday and if they wanted to ever see any money again they'd best make ME the "account holder" that they started to see reason.

So, when you're least fit to deal with flaming idiots is when you're most likely to have to deal with them.

I discovered a little trick. Whatever the representative answers the phone as "hello, this is George" ( ....or.. Susan...), I would say, "Oh, wow! George was my dad's name/Susan was my mom's name! Oh, I just know that anyone named George is going to be great to work with! What a wonderful coincidence!" From that point on, we're practically cousins and George just can't HELP but be helpful. I mean, we're FAMILY.... I still use this today. It's a little difficult when his name is Sadiq or Shameer and I can't speak Bengali or Urdu, but hey.....
 

It seems ridiculous, but the hardest thing I came up against when my husband passed away was canceling his phone service. Why? Because I didn't know his pin number. It took five phone calls and 2 months before it was finally cancelled and they stopped sending a bill. If you have any pin numbers, write them down somewhere where your next of kin can find them. Save a lot of frustration.
 
I have something called "Big Book of Everything" that puts all the data in one place. Take a look at it, and download it if it interests you.
 

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jujube said:
I remember feeling that the task was unsurmountable. Getting accounts closed and reopened. Talking to the same people over and over (and over.....) Thinking things had been done and finding out that they weren't. ...
Click to expand...

I too remember a period of time, a few months I think, when I felt like I was going in circles too .. it just seemed no matter how hard I tried, some people were not understanding the situation at all, or wouldn't help with answers. Frustrating!

One thing I do remember getting help with that surprised me .... the pharmacy at the drug store actually took drugs back that my husband had just purchased that day. The law states drugs are NEVER returnable. After explaining the day's events to them, they bent the rules and took the prescription back and gave me a credit for them, no cash. That was fine with me.
They also allowed me to bring all used prescriptions at the house to them for disposal. .. another problem solved.
 
My phone service would not take his name off the billing. They WOULD but it would cost me $500.00!
I remember I was in such shock at my husband's death, I didn't know what to do or where to turn.
I looked up on the internet to see if there was a list of what to do first. There was.
This helped as I was completely alone. The intense pain you go through is enough.
Now you have to deal with all this stuff? It's so hard.
 
I never got around to taking his name off the title to either of our cars. Since the cars were titled _______ OR _______, there would only be one signature needed to sell them, so I didn't bother.

No problem for a while, but when one was stolen, I had to really work to convince the police and the insurance company that the car hadn't just been taken by him. After all, they said, his name is on the title and he was fully entitled to take the car. Well, I said, take it up with the urn of ashes up on the fireplace mantle. Ask him if he took the car.....

If I had it to do over again, I would have toddled down to the license bureau with a death certificate and paid the $35 to have his name taken off the title.

It's little things like that which end up biting you on the ass years later.
 
Bonnie said:
The wisest statement in there ... do not make any major decisions for a year (at least) .. you need that time to get yourself to a place that feels normal for you again. Bad decisions come with haste.
And organization has to be the base line for getting everything else done.
Click to expand...

I've heard that many times and seen examples of mistakes people have made by not doing that. I was also advised not to take my husband's name off of our bank accounts until after I had our taxes done for the year he passed away.
 
bowmore said:
I have something called "Big Book of Everything" that puts all the data in one place. Take a look at it, and download it if it interests you.
Click to expand...
The posts have been interesting and hopefully helpful for those that keep putting off doing something helpful for those left behind to figure out what to do.

This book is especially good because it makes planning for the inevitable a lot easier.
 
I have compiled a loose leaf book of info for the survivor. It addresses pension, investments and Social Security. I started it 23 years ago, and it needs periodic updating. It is a toss up as to who will be the survivor, we are mid 80s.
 
An elderly friend related how she couldn’t cancel her DH’s cell phone service. He had dementia for many years before passing. The providers were not the least bit helpful. I forget how she remedied it in the end, though it was many years. Finally I asked her if she’d had a Power of Attorney. She had & had never thought of it. As his executor she also could have cancelled. They just didn’t want to help her.

Perhaps a POA is only a Canadian thing.

I’ve suggested to DH that he keep a copy of his PINs in our safe deposit box. I do. Even if it’s slightly out of date, not all will be. Now it’s difficult to get into bank to update this.
 
Oh Power of Attorney is also very much an American thing! People, please have your wills, living wills, POA, Executor created and kept updated and safely stored!
 

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