Children of divorced parents

[Rose65]

I know we are older people here, parents and grandparents ourselves, perhaps divorced ourselves. Yet I get to thinking back over what has made me who I am and why I react as I do.

Are you a child of divorced parents and did one or both of them try to poison your mind against the other?
I was a pawn between mine. It was my mother who was totally embittered and took every opportunity to make dad seem totally at fault. All her life she spouted poison about him. But it didn't work because as I grew up I could tell it was certainly not all him. She was a nasty woman, he responded to that.

I loved him and she tried to stop that. It harmed us all as a family because she couldn't accept her own faults. She wanted to take his children away from him to keep hurting him.

People ought to be careful because helpless kids do grow up and realise the truth.

So was anyone here caught in the middle like that?

 

[dilettante]

No, never caught in the middle.

I was old enough to remember a weird thing before it happened though. My oldest sister and I met the new wife (to be) before my parents broke up. She (the witch) was really strange, trying to be nice to us that first time, then afterward so possessive that I only rarely ever saw the old man again. Maybe twice before my aunt's (his sister's) funeral many decades later. That aunt was also the only member of that side of my family I ever saw again, and then only because she was married to my mother's brother.

For all I know I have one or more half-siblings out there somewhere. But a lot of us probably have stories like these.

 

[hollydolly]

I grew up in a family where the parents were not divorced but where the parents hated us, and each other.. particularly my father...

My mother would constantly be telling us how she hated him, and how he was too old for her.. the father would be beating us and her... not that my mother was a stranger to giving us beatings either.. I got the broom handle beating from her..and the belt and the punches and kicks from him

try living in that atmosphere for a screw up...

 

[Rose65]

I grew up in a family not where the parents were not divorced but where the parents hated us, and each other.. particularly my my father...

My mother would constantly be telling us how she hated him, and how he was too old for her.. the father would be beating us and her... not that my mother was a stranger to giving us betings either.. I got the broom handle beating from her..and the belt and the punches and kicks from him

try living in that atmosphere for a screw up...

My goodness, you had it very hard. But I get an impression it made you strong.
I witnessed much similar and it made me determined not to be like that myself. Instead I get depressed.

 

[dilettante]

Life was pretty hard for my mother. Broom handle was pretty rare, but she wielded a mean belt.

Things were tense and one avoided raising the wrath, but I had no idea that "normal" was anything else.

When I left home for college at 18 it was all on me. Grants, scholarships, and student jobs - in those days the destitute didn't qualify for student loans. I was glad to be out, and rarely returned home except a time or two. Freshman year we had to live on campus, and between quarters they closed the dorms and dining halls. I spent a lot of weeks living like The Phantom Of The Opera in the building that I had a desk and chair in as a student employee. Found a lot of interesting reading matter, so not a total loss.

Later, funding all dried up, I lived in some scary places downtown. My mother sent me $20 one time. Which may sound bad but she didn't have more to offer.

For a certain job that I can't go into I had to undergo a psych trial. They probe and they dig and when they find a crack they pry it open. Humiliating. I was shocked that I had passed. You may have seen movies that contain such scenes. They are real.

 

[hollydolly]

No, never caught in the middle.

I was old enough to remember a weird thing before it happened though. My oldest sister and I met the new wife (to be) before my parents broke up. She (the witch) was really strange, trying to be nice to us that first time, then afterward so possessive that I only rarely ever saw the old man again. Maybe twice before my aunt's (his sister's) funeral many decades later. That aunt was also the only member of that side of my family I ever saw again, and then only because she was married to my mother's brother.

For all I know I have one or more half-siblings out there somewhere. But a lot of us probably have stories like these.

after my mother died..almost immediately after..my father married again.. and she was a witch too...oooh what a an evil witch..to us kids . So much so not only did we call her the witch but when she died we were surprised because we didn't think witches could die.. and we were adults by then..

 

[hearlady]

after my mother died..almost immediately after..my father married again.. and she was a witch too...oooh what a an evil witch..to us kids . So much so not only did we call her the witch but when she died we were surprised because we didn't think witches could die.. and we were adults by then..

I'm glad you became who you are in spite of all that happened. It takes a lot to overcome such things as you have.
You're a stronger woman than I would be.

 

[hollydolly]

I'm glad you became who you are in spite of all that happened. It takes a lot to overcome such things as you have.
You're a stronger woman than I would be.

You know when I was a kid I never even thought about getting through it.. I just accepted it as the way it was.. I never planned anything, I never thought about mental health issues.. which today would be at the forefront of most people's minds going through similar things... I was just intent on surviving each day... the worst was the starvation.. the beatings I was used to, when the hunger came later, and food was denied me for days.., that was hard..

People in my life have said for many years how 'strong'' I am, ... and yes if by strong it means I've overcome those terrible days without mental health issues.. then I must be strong... but please believe me it leave scars no-one can see.. and I trust no-one...and that causes issues in itself..

 

[hearlady]

ou know when I was a kid I never even thought about getting through it.. I just accepted it as the way it was.. I never planned anything, I never thought about mental health issues.. which today would be at the forefront of most people's minds going through simialr things... I was just intent on surviving each day... the worst was the starvation.. the beatings I was used to, when the hunger came later, and food was denied me for days.., that was hard..

People in my life have said for many years how 'strong'' I am, ... and yes if by strong it means I've overcome those terrible days without mental health issues.. then I must be strong... but please believe me it leave scars no-one can see.. and I trust no-one...and that causes issues in itself..

I get it. There's scars and more I'm sure. I just wish it hadn't happened. I wish it didn't have to happen to anyone.
Some of the strongest people I know came from the worst childhood circumstances. It's amazing how they survive.

 

[hollydolly]

I get it. There's scars and more I'm sure. I just wish it hadn't happened. I wish it didn't have to happen to anyone.
Some of the strongest people I know came from the worst childhood circumstances. It's amazing how they survive.

..and yet by the same token, murderers, child abusers, etc use a damaged childhood as an excuse for their crimes..

IMO, and in my experience the fact that I had such a damaged childhood, and watched the evil things going around me as well as happening to me.. meant a lesson to me, on how NOT to treat people... not to copy those actions.. as these people like to use as an excuse..

 

[Rose65]

after my mother died..almost immediately after..my father married again.. and she was a witch too...oooh what a an evil witch..to us kids . So much so not only did we call her the witch but when she died we were surprised because we didn't think witches could die.. and we were adults by then..

Thankfully witches do die and there is no doubt a special hell for them.

 

[Rose65]

..and yet by the same token, murderers, child abusers, etc use a damaged childhood as an excuse for their crimes..

IMO, and in my experience the fact that I had such a damaged childhood, and watched the evil things going around me as well as happening to me.. meant a lesson to me, on how NOT to treat people... not to copy those actions.. as these people like to use as an excuse..

Absolutely as for me. I kept my own moral standards. However, others may not be strong enough, the anger can be stored up for terrible use at some future time.