Then there are the "reciprocal" Christmas card lists:
2011: You send Betty and Bob a card, but you don't get one from them.
2012: Because you didn't get one from them last year, you don't send one to them THIS year. BUT, they send one to you, because you sent them one LAST year.
2013: Because they sent one to you LAST year, you send them one THIS year. Of course, you don't get one from them, because they didn't get one from YOU last year.
2014: Well, you know the drill...….
This can go on for years. Nobody wants to break the chain....
It's a lot easier to make new friends, y'know?
And don't get me started on the Christmas newsletters.
Dang! Too late. You've got me started.
The Spousal Equivalent has an elderly uncle and aunt who send an annual holiday newsletter that lists, month-by-month, mostly, their ailments and doctor appointments. And not only theirs. Oh, no, we get to hear about relatives and neighbors, too. I.e.: JANUARY: "Egbert and I both had cardiology appointmentss the first week of the month (symptoms and test results listed here). Egbert got his dentures relined on January 15 and I had to see the Podiatrist TWICE for in-grown toenails." FEBRUARY: "Our good friends, Martha and Edward were both in the hospital at the same time, in adjoining rooms. We went to visit them twice and while I was there, I went ahead and got my pneumonia shot." MARCH: You get the idea. You think I'm exaggerating? No, I'm not.
Or you have the bragging and/or humble-bragging ones: "Well, folks, it's been another great year for the Featherstones! John won another Nobel Prize, this time for Physics. We're running out of room on the shelf in the trophy room, what with the Pulitzers. I just wish those Oscars weren't sooooo big! John, Jr. just got his third Ph.D. and finally graduated from medical school. He was sure he could do it in two years but what with all his medical missions to Somalia, it took him 2 1/2 years. Lazy lad! Madelaine will be starring with the Joffrey Ballet in the spring. I did want to keep her home until she was at least 13 but kids today! y'know.....they grow up soooo fast! She said, "Mummy dear, I can pack my own suitcase!" Isn't that just the cutest thing you've ever heard???? It's just so hard having a talented husband and bright children, especially since I was elected Junior League president for the third year in a row. Oh, well, someone has to do it!
Why don't we ever see one like this: "Well, folks, it's been another s**t-storm year for the Blankleys. We had hoped Junior would be out on parole by Thanksgiving but there was some unpleasantness at the medium-security facility and they've tacked another 18 months on his sentence and moved him to a Supermax out in Kansas. Tiffini is back in rehab. The insurance coverage is running out soon, so at least SHE will be here for Thanksgiving. Now if I can just remember where the key is for the medicine cabinet..... Bobby will be repeating 11th grade again; they say that the third time's the charm! GO BOBBY! George lost his job again. He gets depressed and self-medicates and for some reason Wacko Air doesn't want drunk pilots. I'm expecting again and I'm going to have to quit my pole-dancing gig at the Bigg'uns Club. Maybe this kid won't be as big a loser as the first three!
