Communicating With New Mom Daughter in Law

fureverywhere

fureverywhere

beloved friend who will always be with us in spiri
Location
Northern NJ, USA
Silly question, but I'm trying to think of some open ended questions for my daughter in law as Thanksgiving approaches. The first time we got together after Mr. Baby's arrival she seemed tired. Most of that visit left the baby sleeping and her sitting off to the side texting. I got to talk to my son a lot which was great. But with her it can be awkward sometimes. Part of it is me being hard of hearing and her accent can be difficult to understand. Then when she speaks my son tends to chime in and interrupt her mid-sentence...so then you have two conversations...Fortunately hubby, my Dad and my sons are all chatterboxes so she and I probably won't have room to say a word. But I want her to know I care how she's feeling too.
 

fureverywhere said:
Silly question, but I'm trying to think of some open ended questions for my daughter in law as Thanksgiving approaches. The first time we got together after Mr. Baby's arrival she seemed tired. Most of that visit left the baby sleeping and her sitting off to the side texting. I got to talk to my son a lot which was great. But with her it can be awkward sometimes. Part of it is me being hard of hearing and her accent can be difficult to understand. Then when she speaks my son tends to chime in and interrupt her mid-sentence...so then you have two conversations...Fortunately hubby, my Dad and my sons are all chatterboxes so she and I probably won't have room to say a word. But I want her to know I care how she's feeling too.
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You sound like a nice mother-in-law. Babies and grandchildren are the perfect thing to talk about. I would guess if you think of 10 questions or statements to make about the new baby she will get into talking to you. :) Or if she is into animals like you are, talk about the pets too. You can talk loud, and in time you'll get used to her accent so those 2 problems will lessen in time. As far as people butting in and finishing people's sentences for them, the last year I've just started calling people on it and asking them to let me or the other person finish what they are saying. I say it in a nice way of course. I'm always Ms. Politeness and Sweetness. :)
 
I would probably ask her things about herself, like how she's feeling since she had the baby, has it been hard for her taking care of everything, is she's getting enough rest, etc. I'd try to get her alone, away from the noise and distractions, look her in the eyes and have a heart to heart, I think once she sees you really care about what's going on with her personally, she'll appreciate your concern and it would be more of a friend to friend chat. If your son approaches, give him the evil eye to back off, on the sly of course. :p

Ms. Sweetness has some good ideas too. :) If she's a pet lover, she would also like some furkid talk. I have trouble understanding people who speak with an accent, my mother in law had one and I sometimes had to ask her to repeat herself to know what she was saying. Also, had to really look and listen much more closely than with other people, so it does take a good effort sometimes, and not always easy. Good luck, your heart's in the right place. :love_heart:
 

You could always send her a text!

Seriously, I can't add anything to the advice already given. Maybe an extra hug when they arrive? A few well-placed compliments about how she's obviously a good mother since Mr. Baby is happy and healthy?
 
The advice from Georgia to look for opportunities to tell her that you think she's a good mom is wonderful. My own mother never once said that to me and hearing it from her might have gone a long way towards smoothing our relationship back in the day. And if you offer advice ever, make sure it doesn't sound like a criticism - I remember how irritating that was too.

You know, just the fact that you're here chatting about it before you get there goes to show that you're going to be a great grandma and good mother in law too. Does your daughter in law know how lucky she is to have you ;)?
 
I just read the responses today. But actually we did wonderfully. I had a big scrapbook plus a photo album of the proud Daddy as an infant. She handed me Mr. Baby and we paced the dining area warming each other's hearts. I know she and my son were completely absorbed in pictures. I'd give an explanation once in awhile, but otherwise we didn't need long conversation.
 
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