Confessions of an Uncultured Loner

D

dkay

Member
Location
USA
I confess, I'm a rather plain person who really doesn't socialize that much. I find socializing is terrifying especially when others expect me to be something I'm not.

One of my former co-workers invited me to go to a wine tasting party. I told her I did not like wine but she insisted that there would surely be a wine I would like. She hadn't seen me for a while so I agreed to go. I wish our meeting would have been someplace other than a wine tasting event.

I'm not some kind of crazy prohibitionist. If other people enjoy partaking of wine then I'm not going to stop them. I should have been bolder with my "no".

The tables were rather high as well as the bar stools. I am not a tall person. I'm getting older. I have a bad knee. It was difficult to climb onto the bar stool. The fact that I was wearing a dress made that effort very stressful. Other people joined us, people she knew but who were strangers to me. I looked at their fancy clothes, their perfect makeup. Not a hair was out of place. There was so much seriousness. I supposed a wine joke might be out of place. I had nothing in common with these people.

I think it occurred to me that work was really the only thing we had in common. She's moved on to a different job and I'm retired. We really had nothing to talk about. It was uncomfortable. She seemed much more interested in impressing her other friends. I wondered why she invited me. Maybe it was to try and fix me up with her boyfriends well suited, rather uptight friend.

I hate blind dates.

Then came the wines. I've never been to a wine tasting before. I personally don't get the whole "let it breathe, swirl, hold it up to the light, sniff, taste. It was even worse when I was asked, "Can you taste the clove?" "Don't you think the hint of strawberry is refreshing?"

Personally I thought the entire bunch of wines had two flavors: some resembled a taste similar to the way sweaty gym socks smell. The others reminded me of either a skunk or wet dog hair.

I smiled and lied. "Oh yes, I hadn't noticed that flavor before but it really is incredible." They all smiled and nodded in agreement.

My only thought was I can't wait to get home so I can brush my teeth and get these horrific tastes out of my mouth.

They purchased a couple bottles of wine while I popped a peppermint flavored tic tac.

I made it home, put on my jeans and t shirt then cracked open a nice ice cold beer. There is something about beer that doesn't require the imposed snobbery that wine seemed to demand. I was alone with this perfect beverage that I didn't have to swirl , sniff or hold up to the light. It is a beverage made to be enjoyed right from the bottle...no fancy stemmed glass required. No fancy date required either.
 

dkay, I loved your post!

Oh my, those high "bistro" tables and stools! Torturous and dangerous. I'm barely 5'1 and have trouble climbing them, too.

I'll give your friend this credit though... my thought is she really wants to stay connected with you somehow.

Anyway, I got a huge kick out of your story!

Now, I'm a wino I'll admit but I love it with food or after a hard day to relax.

This does not imply any snobbery or pretension on my part! I don't swish, gargle or search for "notes". I never could drink beer, just don't like it, but I'm with you on the t-shirt and jeans.

Stemmed glasses are just as nice as a bottle. Sometimes I think the only reason I don't drink wine from a bottle is it's too big and too heavy!

Wine really doesn't demand snobbery.
Wine understands!

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"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind." – Dr. Seuss ​
 

Other than when I was onstage with my band at large social affairs, I've never enjoyed the whole party scene. I am a loner, and much prefer being with my woman either out and about, running errands, or at home watching a movie on TV, or reading, together, in bed. As for wine, I enjoy a glass of wine, as long as it's one I have tried, before, and like. Too many samplings of unknown wines can really leave a bad taste in my mouth, in all ways.
 
Social gatherings aren’t really for me either and while I enjoy wine I’m not really a drinker but I still consider myself a cultured loner. :laugh:

Theres nothing wrong with being a loner. A lot of people are introverted and are ok with it.
 
Thanks, dkay, for sharing your experience. I agree with Rose, that your former co-worker wanted to try to keep in touch. You had the grace to handle it well, for your friend's sake. That tells a lot about you. Bea's quote, about being yourself, is good advise. We all enjoy life at different speeds, I hope your next "out & about" proves to be more enjoyable for you. Welcome to the forum!

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dkay, your raw honesty is refreshing. You were a real trooper to go to a wine-tasting event when wine tastes like dirty socks to you :laugh: As much as I felt for you, that made me laugh.

I go in waves. Sometimes just fresh spring ice water, sometimes a weak ice-tea (no sugar), sometimes hot coffee with almond milk in it, sometimes a Margarita with Mexican food at the beach house, but occasionally I'll have a white sauvignon blanc with seafood or red pinot noir or merlot with Italian food...but I only have a half a glass of wine, if that.

I enjoy being alone too and small-talk in a crowd of strangers is nothing short of torture.

But I always have two little loves-of-my-life at my feet...bella & blu. And then my 4 grown children shower me with attention everyday because they think I need it lol. So I never have much of a chance to feel alone...other than I don't have a really good friend. And I know what a treasure that is. I grew up with a military father and moved every 3 years, sometimes 2years (3 different high schools)...and no social media.
 
I also liked your story dkay. Welcome to the board.

I too hate those high tables and stools.

signed, a fellow beer lover
 
Thank you everyone for the comments regarding my recent wine tasting adventure.

Today I'm going to complain, hopefully not nag, but a little lighthearted complaining.

I was probably like many of you who grew up at a time when you ate what was put on the table and you were grateful for every bite of it. The only things I really didn't like was liver and cow balls (calf fries, mountain oysters, whatever you want to call them). But I took the smallest portion possible and managed to choke it down. Catsup (or ketchup?) in large enough quantities can make most things taste less offensive.

I've been stewing about something since March 17 so I thought I'd throw it out here and get some opinions.

I have a strong Irish heritage (at least according to ancestry.com). My grandmother always fixed corned beef and cabbage for St. Patricks day every year, told us the story of St. Patrick (and she wasn't even catholic). I love corned beef and cabbage so I carried on the tradition by using her recipe every year.

We lived in a rural community and didn't always have a big slab of corned beef available so grandma purchased that canned corned beef from Argentina for her Irish recipe. It was tasty. I've tried the fancier corned beef but I prefer the canned probably because it reminds me of her.
I fix seasoned potatoes. I bake some nice bread (served with real butter) and have Guiness beer. Hey, at Cinco de Mayo I serve Corona beer. I try to be sort of cultural sometimes.

What I want to know is at what time did people start becoming a total pain in the butt when you invite them to dinner. I don't entertain very often but I invited several people I know to come share this Irish feast with me.

Good grief!!! I never heard such a list of demands, not requests, but demands.

One didn't like cabbage, one is on a keto diet and can't eat bread, another doesn't eat gluten(when did that start becoming an issue?) One couldn't eat the corned beef because of the sodium content. I pretty much just said, "my Irish food is what's on the menu today, maybe we can get together another time."

Do you know who came? A young couple I know from Kenya. Wow. Kenya, a place where there probably aren't a lot of Irishmen roaming around with corned beef and cabbage. They must have liked it, they had 2 helpings and took some home with them along with my recipe. Guests with a hearty appetite can really make this cook feel great.

They are officially on my very slim list of people to invite to dinner.

I try to be cooperative. If I know someone has a life threatening allergy I don't serve those foods. If someone has religious reasons they can't eat pork or shrimp I do my best to prepare something else.

But when I call and say, "this is what I'm serving" why do some people think they can treat me like I'm some kind of short order cook? Where are all these diets and allergies coming from? They weren't there fifteen years ago.

I went on the internet and ordered a sign for my dining room. It says, "There are two choices for every meal. Take it or leave it!"

I will probably do something Germanish for Oktoberfest. My Kenya friends say they've never tried sauerkraut before but they'll give it a try. I really like hanging out with people from other countries. Not once did the Kenyans make any demands. We laughed, we drank our beer, they shared stories of their country.

I've been invited to their house. Her husband is going to make something out of goat. That seems to be the preferred meat of their tribe. I've never had goat before but I look forward to trying it unless of course it is not free range, her side dishes are not gluten free and it doesn't work with keto or paleo or Jenny Craig or Dr. Atkins or whatever diet is popular that week.

 
OMG! Too funny. I couldn't have gone to that wine tasting because...I wouldn't have had a thing to wear. Really. I don't own a girl suit, and my idea of dressed up is jeans and t-shirt. For formal occasions, it's clean jeans, clean t-shirt, and I wear sneakers, too. Those tall tables aren't a problem at all when wearing jeans, and it's easy to climb up the rungs on the tall chairs if you're wearing sneakers.

Hey, at the wine tasting, didn't anybody mention "bouquet"? I dunno what it is, but seem to remember bouquet being mentioned in movies or something.

As for the corned beef and cabbage, well...if you'd called to invite me, I'd have been real up front and told you that I just plain don't like corned beef but would be delighted to join you for cabbage and bread. Soda bread? Fresh? Warm from the oven? Goody.

Who knows what's the food fad du jour? According to some commercials on TV, food should be clean. Right. Clean, gluten-free food.

I like your Kenyan friends who joined you for dinner and were happy to be there in your company and enjoying a meal. That's the way it's supposed to be. If memory serves, that's the way it used to be: invite friends for dinner, they accept, they're happy to be there and eat a meal prepared especially for them.
 
I don't much care for alcohol, with drink it mixed with jc, but put a plate of corned beef and cabbage in front of me and we'll be friends for life. I would have it every month probably every week if it wasn't so expensive. Now I just stare at it when I go to the store and just shake my head because of the price and knowing me trying to pick the best cut and cook it would likely ruin one expensive piece of meat since I haven't cooked it in a while. I've loved CB/C since I was a kid.

I bet you make a great creamy potato soup too.
 
That is exactly why I don't give dinner parties any longer. This one is on this diet, that one is on that diet, this one is a vegetarian, that one is a Vegan. This one doesn't eat red meat, that one doesn't eat fish. Low sugar, low salt, low fat, low calories, won't drink alcohol, won't come unless there IS alcohol.

Doesn't like....won't eat...won't come if there are dogs there....won't come without their dogs....has to bring their ill behaved children....doesn't like to be around children....

So I thought the solution was to say, "Hey, wanna go out to dinner Friday night?" Don't want to go to a Mexican restaurant....doesn't like pizza...won't drive that far....doesn't like that restaurant....doesn't like buffets....only likes buffets....

Can't win.
 
jujube said:
That is exactly why I don't give dinner parties any longer. This one is on this diet, that one is on that diet, this one is a vegetarian, that one is a Vegan. This one doesn't eat red meat, that one doesn't eat fish. Low sugar, low salt, low fat, low calories, won't drink alcohol, won't come unless there IS alcohol.

Doesn't like....won't eat...won't come if there are dogs there....won't come without their dogs....has to bring their ill behaved children....doesn't like to be around children....

So I thought the solution was to say, "Hey, wanna go out to dinner Friday night?" Don't want to go to a Mexican restaurant....doesn't like pizza...won't drive that far....doesn't like that restaurant....doesn't like buffets....only likes buffets....

Can't win.
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Yep! I'm not sure exactly when this crazy transformation took place, but a good amount of people have become total pains in the arse and ruined the fun for everyone else who just want to have a simple get together.

If we have company for dinner or a bbq we cook what we want to and tell the people coming if they need any special food to bring it. My wife and I are not going to be everyone's personal chef.
 
JimW said:
Yep! I'm not sure exactly when this crazy transformation took place, but a good amount of people have become total pains in the arse and ruined the fun for everyone else who just want to have a simple get together.

If we have company for dinner or a bbq we cook what we want to and tell the people coming if they need any special food to bring it. My wife and I are not going to be everyone's personal chef.
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Yup

I’ve made it as easy as I care to

Say I’m having BBQ;

‘I don’t eat that’

‘Bring what you do eat, and enough for others’
(I tend to turn the feed into a potluck affair when encountering food snobs)

‘and of course you can bring yer Irish wolfhounds
…and you’ll be taking yer Irish wolfhound poop home with you’

‘Sure, bring the kiddies
Let ‘em run, go crazy
Those little darlings will need to be careful around the bear traps
They get nasty when sprung
Oh, you can’t make it? I’ll unset the traps then'

Thing is, I’ve considered it uncouth, downright rude to say what you ‘can’ and ‘cannot’ eat when invited into someone’s home

I too do not know when this has become acceptable, the norm

It certainly isn’t at my camp
 
Gary O' said:
Yup

I’ve made it as easy as I care to

Say I’m having BBQ;

‘I don’t eat that’

‘Bring what you do eat, and enough for others’
(I tend to turn the feed into a potluck affair when encountering food snobs)

‘and of course you can bring yer Irish wolfhounds
…and you’ll be taking yer Irish wolfhound poop home with you’

‘Sure, bring the kiddies
Let ‘em run, go crazy
Those little darlings will need to be careful around the bear traps
They get nasty when sprung
Oh, you can’t make it? I’ll unset the traps then'

Thing is, I’ve considered it uncouth, downright rude to say what you ‘can’ and ‘cannot’ eat when invited into someone’s home

I too do not know when this has become acceptable, the norm

It certainly isn’t at my camp
Click to expand...

Just the thought of saying this to someone makes me duck from the imaginary backhander that I would've gotten for real as a child.
 
My movie adventure:

I love going to the movies alone. Movies are kind of social. There are other people around but you don't have to interact with any of them.

I've been wanting to go to the IMAX since it opened but usually the tickets are sold out or it's a movie that doesn't really interest me (Star Wars, Star Trek come to mind). I noticed in the paper yesterday there was a documentary playing at the IMAX and it was in 3D. Wow, what could be better than that. A documentary about pandas in 3D on a giant IMAX screen. Plus documentaries are usually shorter than most movies which would get me home in time for shark week. I hadn't yet seen Trailer Park Shark or Swamp Shark. I do have priorities.

I figured most of the kids would be in school, mothers with younger children would probably be watching Winnie the Pooh or Alpha.

I asked for a ticket to Pandas. The young man pulled out a seating chart. I guess for IMAX you get to pick your seat. I had no idea where to sit. I told him in a regular theater I kind of like to be in the middle of a middle row. I selected row P seat 8.

I obtained my popcorn and soda, gave the usher my ticket and he gave me a pair of 3D glasses. I guess it is assumed that most people have been to an IMAX before and know their way around.

I entered the door on the left, walked around the wall where I was then greeted with a giant theater. When I say giant, I mean giant (or in Trumpese: it was yuge).

I began to climb the stairs towards row P. By the time I made it to row H I was looking around for a Sherpa or a yak to help me carry my popcorn, soda and glasses.

Row P was eight more rows away. I kept telling myself, "you can do this, you can do this."

I finally arrived at row P and collapsed into my seat. My heart was racing. I tried to check my pulse. I decided it was about 3 beats this side of death.

I got my phone out in case I needed to call 911. Finally everything returned to normal. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I heard people behind me. Where were they all coming from?

I had NO IDEA there was an elevator. I didn't see a sign or anything downstairs indicating there was an elevator.

I pouted about climbing a bazillion stairs then began to enjoy my well earned popcorn and soda. I told myself that I just completed enough cardio for the entire week.

When the documentary (which was good) was over. I stood and realized I was still on row P. I could either go all the way back down or I could drag myself 10 more rows to the top.

I made it. The very least the theater could have done was give me a certificate saying I climbed all the way from the base to the summit.

I rode the elevator down then I sat on the bench in the lobby for a while before making the long trek to the car.

My advice for anyone going to IMAX for the first time, look for the elevator and pick a seat in row U, V or W.

Today I have been reminded of muscles I forgot I had. It looks like I'll be spending time with my favorite arthritis rub, ibuprofen and whatever shark movie happens to be on TV today...unless I really want to go wild and watch the Hallmark channel.
 
LOL @ dKay's latest adventure story, very funny stuff.

What is it about wanting to have your friends go with you to the movies but getting annoyed when they try to talk to you while the movie is playing, a short word now and then I don't mind, but anything more and I start thinking, you know, lately, I really enjoy it more when I go alone. The far off laughs and sighs from the others in the theater are close enough comfort.

As far as seating maps, they seem to be giving those out for all movies nowadays I kind of like it, but, sometimes it might be best to pick the seat before heading to the theater. I know exactly where I like to sit according to the chart of the movie theater I go to and always before I leave home it shows almost all the seats empty, but lately when I get to the theater, I'm lucky to get the handicap seats on the end. And I'm talking for matinee or even weekday times. This happened the past three times I went.

Anyway, I enjoyed the story dkay.
 
AprilT said:
LOL @ dKay's latest adventure story, very funny stuff.

What is it about wanting to have your friends go with you to the movies but getting annoyed when they try to talk to you while the movie is playing, a short word now and then I don't mind, but anything more and I start thinking, you know, lately, I really enjoy it more when I go alone. The far off laughs and sighs from the others in the theater are close enough comfort.
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I agree about the talking during the movie, that is so annoying. Cell phones used to be a problem but most of our theaters enforce the no cell phone policy and I have seen some people escorted out because they wouldn't put their phones away.
 
Hallmark Channel. Wow. You're one heckuva reckless and adventuresome lady. Er. Person of the female persuasion. I can't remember the last time I went to a movie. I like movies just fine but don't like the crowds, even if the crowds consist of three people. Netflix. Tonight I'm gonna watch The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I have no idea what it's about, but the name is perfect.
 


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