Conflicted over how parents acted

debodun

debodun

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Location
way upstate in New York, USA
One time you were eating out with your patents. Father paid the tab, but discovered the waitress had given him too much in the change. He takes it back to the counter and returns the extra money. Mom berates him all the way home as being stupid and too honest.
How would you feel?
 

Oh Lord, my mom and dad were always at each other about something. I feel they shouldn't have gotten married much less had children. I just wanted them to STFU. Therefore, my opinion shouldn't matter in a civilized world.
 
I'm with your dad on this one. Being honest saves a lot of trouble and helps give a good night's sleep. It's how I was raised. What if that waitress had gotten fired over a short amount of money in the cash register?
 

Terrible, but dad would have berated mom right back.

Honestly, my parents were so poor, I question whether or not the above scenario would have played-out. On one hand, mom and dad were the most honest folks around, but on the other-hand, being as poor as they were, I'm not going to say one way of another how it all would have unfolded back in the day.
 
Your mom is wrong and your dad is a good man. My dad discovered the bank had given him 20 too much when i was a kid. He got in his car and drove back to the bank and returned. I asked him why go to that much trouble and he replied, "because it is not my money." I learned a great deal on how to be a better person from that day. About 6 years ago I found a wallet in the property tax office. It contained $1,600. I immediately gave it to the security guard and he gave it to the right person.
 
Grandparents raised me. They taught me to be honest but I was anyway because I don't want others to suffer.. A while back I had change in the post office. When I counted it, it was £20 (not sure equivalent in dollars) too much so I went back and said she had handed me back too much. She thanked me because here's the thing, she would have been really stressed that her till did not match the 'receipts'. It just is the right thing to do whatever one's circumstances and I can assure you that £20 would have been very very useful to me. But that is not my way. I also believe in Karma. What goes around comes around. It is not my suffering that I think of but the suffering of others. It's just the way I'm 'built'.
 
Many of our parents grew up during the Depression when money was scarce. I think this effects them psychologically. I know my mom's family was very poor but too proud to ask for public assistance; her parents almost let their kids starve to death. Maybe someone reported it. Anyway, my mom used to tell that she and her older brother were placed in a sanatorium where they finally had enough to eat. My uncle also had pneumonia at that time and that was treated. Nowadays parents like that would be brought to court for child neglect.
 
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debodun said:
Many of our parents grew up during the Depression when money was scarce. I think this effects them psychologically. I know my mom's family was very poor but too proud to ask for public assistance; her parents almost let their kids starve to death. Maybe someone reported it. Anyway, my mom used to tell that she and her older brother were placed in a sanatorium where they finally had enough to eat. My uncle also had pneumonia at that time and that was treated. Nowadays parents would be brought to court for child neglect in that case.
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I remember stories my mom told me, but the one that will stand out in my mind forever, is the one mom told me that dated back to when she was a child, and how there were times they ate porridge for breakfast, lunch, and supper.
 
My maternal grandfather was a laborer and earned $6 a week (that would be just over $100 in today's money). Even back in the 1930s that was a paltry wage. He had to support 6 people on that - himself, grandma, my mom and 3 uncles. Imagine trying to get along on less than $20 a week per person in a modern family.
 
My mom and dad were frugal to the max. They’ve made me hide in the back seat at drive ins so we could get a better deal and I couldn’t say what they would have done in this case. My mom would berate my dad for just about anything so I ‘could’ actually see this happening in our family.

This is not , however , something I could do and not because I used to work as a waitress but because I pride myself in being an honest person.

Plus waitressing usually get paid minimum wage. They don’t get breaks of any kind and these days take care of their own inventory. In other words, if the waitress accidentally gave out too much money, that would come out of her tips. Years ago the manager would have probably docked her pay that amount if it was money missing. Either way it’s not a nice thing to do. It’s greedy and deceitful.
 
Aunt Marg said:
I remember stories my mom told me, but the one that will stand out in my mind forever, is the one mom told me that dated back to when she was a child, and how there were times they ate porridge for breakfast, lunch, and supper.
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Mine told me one time when she was a child, some of the other children at school made fun of her when they found out what she'd brought for lunch- as there was nothing else in the house to make sandwiches from, her mother made her sandwiches with skunk grease.
 
Would've been the opposite at my end. Dad would've grinned & pocketed it while mom was yelling at him & us kids having to listen to them fight all the way home.
 
JaniceM said:
Mine told me one time when she was a child, some of the other children at school made fun of her when they found out what she'd brought for lunch- as there was nothing else in the house to make sandwiches from, her mother made her sandwiches with skunk grease.
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Janice. I've never heard of the term "skunk grease" before.

Can you tell me what it means or is?
 
Aunt Marg said:
Janice. I've never heard of the term "skunk grease" before.

Can you tell me what it means or is?
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I'm not personally familiar with it, but supposedly the grease that comes out of the skunk when it's cooked, similar to grease from chicken or hamburgers. I can't imagine it'd taste very good, but she said it was the odor that the kids ridiculed her about.
 
JaniceM said:
Mine told me one time when she was a child, some of the other children at school made fun of her when they found out what she'd brought for lunch- as there was nothing else in the house to make sandwiches from, her mother made her sandwiches with skunk grease.
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I remember times where a few days before dads payday, mom would break down and cry, because there was nothing left in the house to eat. As a young child it used to scare me, because a young child's brain thinks the worst. I used to think we were going to die.

No neighbour around us would have seen us hungry had they known the situation in our home, and definitely no family or relatives would have sat back and done nothing had they known either, but as a young child you don't think about others intervening.

And I remember a young child in elementary school, he was such a sweetheart, so friendly, always had a big smile and got along with everyone, sitting in class and crying, because his tummy hurt so bad over not having anything to eat.

If I were a teacher I would never allow that to happen. I would have to intervene even if it meant taking money out of my own pocket to help.
 
When my Austrian mum was alive for the 18 months of my life we lived in poverty. Everything was on HP. My father used to take the light bulbs out of one room and put it in another room. When she passed away, due to my violent father, everything was sold to pay for his debts. When my dear Austrian half brother ( mum's first) , passed away unexpectedly last September I remember him telling me that he went to get food for us (when mum was alive) but she had reached the limit of credit and was turned away. Guess we went without.My father was more concerned with buying shoes (as noted in the newspaper report regarding the violence that evening). Also, despite the poverty, mum, as a Roman Catholic, used to give the church money, which she couldn't afford. Don't want to upset those who are Catholic but we suffered and when she died and at a later stage we were put into a catholic home run by the Sisters of Mercy ....not, I look back and think my mum, was a kind person who would give to anyone who needed help. I found that my grandmother looked after a child that was not hers and going back a bit one of my relatives took care of a a foundling. (All from the Austrian side). I hope I have their kindness and caring and will always help those less fortunate than myself. Apologies I often say things about my mum but after 60 years it still hurts. Just wish I had one moment to see her and be with her. I will one day. :)
 
JaniceM said:
Mine told me one time when she was a child, some of the other children at school made fun of her when they found out what she'd brought for lunch- as there was nothing else in the house to make sandwiches from, her mother made her sandwiches with skunk grease.
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Well, I just learned a new phrase. I never heard of "Skunk Grease." I'm surprised it's made from real skunks. I'm even more surprised anyone would eat it.
I was reminded of an episode of "The Jeffersons." Louise was explaining about how poor they were before. She said, "We ate mayonnaise sandwiches." George said, "Yeah, with no bread."
 
JaniceM said:
Mine told me one time when she was a child, some of the other children at school made fun of her when they found out what she'd brought for lunch- as there was nothing else in the house to make sandwiches from, her mother made her sandwiches with skunk grease.
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@JaniceM sounds like what was here in Australia if you had any meat to roast the pan juices were saved in a container like the Falcon Enamel Dripping container. It had a well fitting lid and any pan juices or fat and the like was left to drain. Then you could skim the fat off and use as a sandwich filling. There was also something like a marrowbone jelly which was under the fat and was often given to kids like bone broth. My Mum grew up in The Depression and many a rabbit ended up being roasted and having the pan juices left to drain in the dripping pot.

Falcon_enamel_dripping_container_2.jpg
 

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