Cowboy Wisdom

f8b845d38166f63571a6b5aa13e86ae6.jpg
 
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
 He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
 After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

 The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

 In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

 3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

 Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

 The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.

​
 
Three Texans

Three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, and they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side and let him go.

The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't connect those two wires."
 
Equal time:

Three Texas Cowgirls
Three tough Texas cowgirls are sitting around a campfire, out on a lonesome Texasprairie, each with the bluster for which cowgirls are famous. A night of tall tales commences.
The first one says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowgirl there is. Why, just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."
The second cowgirl could not tolerate to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattlesnake slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowgirl remained silent, silently stirring the coals with her hands.

​

​
f93746bd0eeb34d38df55b1344b0627d.jpg
 
God Bless Cowboys
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

nytdub.jpg
 
Re the "don't name a cow you plan to eat" ...
I never could understand the logic at the local rodeo and livestock show yearly, where the kids raise these animals with much love and total devotion to their care and well being ... then turn around and have them sold at live auction for slaughter.
It boggles my mind.
 
An old cowboy was riding his trusty horse followed by his faithful dog along an unfamiliar road. The man was enjoying the new scenery, when he suddenly remembered dying, and realized that the dog beside him had been dead for years, as had his horse. Confused, he wondered what was happening, and where the trail was leading them.

 After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall that looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch topped by a golden letter "H" that glowed in the sunlight.

 Standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like gold.

 He rode toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. Parched and tired out by his journey, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

 'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'

 As the gate began to open, the cowboy asked, 'Can I bring my partners, too?'

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

 The cowboy thought for a moment, then turned back to the road and continued riding, his dog trotting by his side.

 After another long ride, at the top of another hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a ranch gate that looked as if it had never been closed. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.'Excuse me,' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

 'Sure, there's a pump right over there. Help yourself.'

 'How about my friends here?' the traveler gestured to the dog and his horse.

 'Of course! They look thirsty, too,' said the man.

 The trio went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with buckets beside it. The traveler filled a cup and the buckets with wonderfully cool water and took a long drink, as did his horse and dog.

 When they were full, he walked back to the man who was still standing by the tree. 'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

 'That's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

 'Oh, you mean the place with the glitzy, gold street and fake pearly gates? That's hell.'

 'Doesn't it make you angry when they use your name like that?'

 'Not at all. Actually, we're happy they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top