Deathbed Promise

[win231]

On his deathbed, a man says to his wife, “I want to take all my money with me, so promise me you’ll put it in the casket.” She agrees.
After he dies, the widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the casket is closed, the wife places a small metal box inside.
Her friend looks at her in horror & says, “You didn’t put the money in there, did you?”
The widow answers, “I did promise him I would, so I deposited all his money in my account & wrote him a check. As soon as he cashes it, he can spend it.”

 

[old medic]

Heard with a different twist

He gathered his doctor, priest and lawyer and divide up his cash, 2 million each to drop in his casket.
After the funeral the priest collected the other two and confessed that he kept half a million to add to the churches emergency fund.
The Doc says dont worry, I kept one million to help build a new wing at the hospital.
The lawyer chastise them both for stealing the mans money and going against his final wish...
They look at the lawyer and ask " You we not tempted to keep any of the money...
Nope ... wrote him a check for the full 2 million

 

[Glowworm]

A man and his wife had never got on well together. As he lies on his deathbed she comes and says to him, "When you're dead I'm going to dance on your grave." The husband looks at her and says smiling. "Good, I've made arrangements to be buried at sea."

 

[Glowworm]

In a remote corner of rural Sweden an old man lies on his deathbed. The priest has made the fifty mile journey to comfort him during his last moments. The priest asks him if he has any last wishes. The dying man who had worked on the railway all his life replies, "Yes I'd like to see a steam locomotive one last time, but if you can't manage that then a beautiful young naked woman."
The priest is worried, no way he can get a steam locomotive: there's no railway within miles and no women either for that matter apart from the old man's wife. Finally the priest reaches a decision. The old man's eyesight is very poor so the priest asks the wife if she'd strip naked and go into her husband because he won't notice the difference. The wife, who is an extremely well built lady reluctantly agrees. She strips off naked and they go upstairs. Squeezing through the door she stands at the foot of the bed. The dying man peers at her and says. "How on earth did you manage to get a steam locomotive up those stairs?"

 

[horseless carriage]

Message seen on Twitter:

Before my mum passed away, she gave my dad strict instructions to water the plants in the bathroom.
He's been religiously watering them & keeping them alive.
They look so amazing he decided to take them to his new home, only to discover they are plastic!
Can hear my mum chuckling.

 

[timoc]

On his deathbed, a man says to his wife, “I want to take all my money with me, so promise me you’ll put it in the casket.” She agrees.
After he dies, the widow attends the memorial service with her best friend. Just before the casket is closed, the wife places a small metal box inside.
Her friend looks at her in horror & says, “You didn’t put the money in there, did you?”
The widow answers, “I did promise him I would, so I deposited all his money in my account & wrote him a check. As soon as he cashes it, he can spend it.”

Imagine the look on her face if the bank told her that the cheque had been cashed.

 

[ohioboy]

A man and wife wanted to join a church, and the rule was no sex for a month, then you can join the church, they both agreed.

A month later they returned to the church and the Sexton asked them if they made it. The husband said, "We went 29 days but on that 30th day I cracked. She bent over and I lost it". The Sexton said, "I'm sorry I can't let you in the church".
The husband said, "They won't let us in that grocery store anymore either"!