Thank you Sea Breeze for the welcome and the links. Right now it is only my two cats that keep me going. Antidepressants no longer work and I've pretty much lost the will or desire to keep going after decades of struggling with this disease. I'm very tired of it.
My two daughters with whom I was once very close, won't answer my emails although I have tried very hard to work things out. This is pretty much impossible since I don't understand the problem and they won't write to tell me. Anyway, I pretty much feel run through the heart with a sword and don't know how long I can keep up the daily struggle.
I guess it's the business with my daughters that seems like the last straw - there is a lot more going on but this is really the worst thing. I miss them so much and just don't understand what is going on, or how they can just cut off their mother like this.
I nursed my own mother through cancer and my ex-husband nursed his so I don't know where they learned this was okay. To me family is everything and now I don't have one. It's just hard. But I do have the cats.
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I was just looking at the above, that you wrote, and I'm so sad for you. Life is such a b**** sometimes isn't it! And when I say life, I do mean life because for me, it started when I was a kid I think. So I truly feel your pain.
As for your kids, well, the only advice I could possibly give is to give 'that relationship' to the universe and quit holding it to your heart! The one thing that I've finally learned, being an incessant worrier and agonizer over the dumbest things (I had issues
) is that the things that you let eat away at you usually don't end up happening and then you've wasted all that time and that energy. And when it comes to relationships, well I think they are for a purpose and there is a reason that they happen like they do, because they all change us. We do get to chose how they'll change us mind you. I'll give you an example.
My mom makes me crazy. Every time I talk to her, the call ends and my blood pressure is up. And it's not because we fight (very careful not to), but just because we're oil and water I guess. Anyway, I was walking around the garden one day, kind of fuming and I suddenly had a revelation (no burning bushes but it was still a significant event) and realized how much better I was as a person because of her. I'd learned how 'not to mother' in some ways, how to mother in others and I learned to be loyal to family from her because she is. Loyal that is. I've learned to be patient (because she isn't) and I think I've learned to be open to other peoples ideas (because she isn't). So she's been important in my life even though....we're oil and water.
So with your daughters, that's awful and I can feel how hurt you are in your words but you've got to let your grip on the pain lighten just a little bit because it gets exhausting to have it there always and maybe try to step away from it once in a while, so that instead of feeling the pain, you can think about it 'abstractly'. Does that make any sense to you? I know, little out there and I used to read that kind of thing before and roll my eyes or sometimes scratch my head but I'm beginning to understand it and it works for me when things are getting me in a twist. And who knows, this may be only an interlude in the relationship and it will resume in a bit. This I also understand because my mom told me once that she thought we should not speak again and it took a year before we spoke and only because my aunt was dying and she thought I should be informed. But I wrote notes to her periodically, just keeping the door open you know but with no pressure.
I don't know if any of that helps, it would stroke my ego tremendously to think it did, but for sure, come here and get involved. I saw that you're recently joined and by now you have probably figured out that we're a nice bunch of folks.
