Disconcerting Conversation With My Sister

OneEyedDiva

OneEyedDiva

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New Jersey
A while back, I posted that my sister has dementia (search didn't reveal that thread). She was probably in the earlier stages back then. I mentioned something to her S.O. and he blew it off as we all have memory lapses sometimes. Her son, who she is very close with, was in denial for too long, I think. Her daughter who lives further away was more realistic about what was happening but was working two jobs and couldn't get up this way often. My niece texted me today to let me know that my sister is in the hospital. Since I don't leave my text notifications on, I didn't see it until this afternoon. A little while after I saw it, my nephew called me to let me know and we talked a bit. She lost her house and has been living with him for about the past year so he's now well aware of the changes. Last year, my niece came up and she and her brother went to the doctor with my sister. She was evaluated, diagnosed and prescribed medication but I heard from two sources (my grand niece and her son), that she isn't taking the medication as she should. My sister was always stubborn, now it's even worse.

Anyway, back to the subject of this thread. I called my sister this evening and asked how she was feeling. She said "not good." I said yes, I know you are in the hospital. She said "I'm not in the hospital." Where are you? "I'm in the parking garage at the hotel trying to get my pocketbook loose." Ohhh...why were you at the hotel? "I went to a dance". Did you dance. "Not much". My nephew had already told me she was having delusions while she was there. She was also saying she wanted to go home and being quite contentious. I recognize this as sundowning behavior I experienced with my mother in the later stages of her vascular dementia (same thing my sister has), except some of it was happening during the day. One of my nephew's acquaintances told him his mother is in the early stages...that person would be wrong from what I've read about the stages and my sister's behaviors that I've witnessed starting over 4 years ago. I already told my son I want to go to the hospital tomorrow either in addition to our plans or instead of (if necessary). That is if she hasn't brow beaten the medical staff and her son into discharging her by then.
 

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Yes, try to go see her as soon as possible and as often as possible. When my Mom's started it went very fast. She could still hold a conversation but she was living in the life of years earlier. Once we had to place in her care (she was living with me at the time) She wanted to go home. But not to my home, she wanted to go to her home.

They won't release your sister until it is safe to do so. She may not be able to go to her son's home. I know that we had social workers come here to make sure I had everything in place to provide for her and she would be safe. They even checked the smoke detectors and made sure I had a fire extinguisher in place.

It is apparent that someone else must take care of her medication. Make sure they are taken when prescribed. I took over my mothers when she came to live with me, dementia had not set in but I wanted her to get used to me handling her health care. It is a hard thing to watch and help a loved one through this difficult time. You have my prayers.
 
Blessed said:
Yes, try to go see her as soon as possible and as often as possible. When my Mom's started it went very fast. She could still hold a conversation but she was living in the life of years earlier. Once we had to place in her care (she was living with me at the time) She wanted to go home. But not to my home, she wanted to go to her home.

They won't release your sister until it is safe to do so. She may not be able to go to her son's home. I know that we had social workers come here to make sure I had everything in place to provide for her and she would be safe. They even checked the smoke detectors and made sure I had a fire extinguisher in place.

It is apparent that someone else must take care of her medication. Make sure they are taken when prescribed. I took over my mothers when she came to live with me, dementia had not set in but I wanted her to get used to me handling her health care. It is a hard thing to watch and help a loved one through this difficult time. You have my prayers.
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My sister is in the hospital for a medical issue not a mental health one, so I don't know how that will affect what protocols are followed regarding where to release her to. I know she has United Healthcare insurance and after her knee replacement surgery, the social worker had a devil of a time trying to get her into rehab. UH poses problems in that regard. At a meeting of the patient advisory council I was a member of at my doctor's office, consisting of the office manager, secretary, nurse practitioner and another nurse I found out that they have problems with UH too. Hopefully I'll see my nephew and/or niece tomorrow to talk more about what's next.

As far as making sure she takes her meds, I think my nephew is afraid of agitating her and the consequences that might bring. She loves and respects him so much but when she's in that state, she can be quite combative. When she was leaving the hospital after her knee surgery, she said the aid was rushing her, manhandling her and grabbed her purse. She hit him! When his superiors got to the scene, they told him to remove himself. Let me just say that my sister is a real classy woman..in manners, morals, speech and dress but he crossed the line when he put his hands on her. I'm not condoning what she did though, believe me. Here's the kicker..in my last two or three chats with her (last one about a week ago), she was as lucid as can be. Some of the ones before that she was semi-lucid.
 

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OneEyedDiva said:
My sister is in the hospital for a medical issue not a mental health one, so I don't know how that will affect what protocols are followed regarding where to release her to. I know she has United Healthcare insurance and after her knee replacement surgery, the social worker had a devil of a time trying to get her into rehab. UH poses problems in that regard. At a meeting of the patient advisory council is was a member of at my doctor's office, consisting of the office manager, secretary, nurse practitioner and another nurse I found out that they have problems with UH too. Hopefully I'll see my nephew and/or niece tomorrow to talk more about what's next.

As far as making sure she takes her meds, I think my nephew is afraid of agitating her and the consequences that might bring. She loves and respects him so much but when she's in that state, she can be quite combative. When she was leaving the hospital after her knee surgery, she said the aid was rushing her, manhandling her and grabbed her purse. She hit him! When his superiors got to the scene, they told him to remove himself. Let me just say that my sister is a real classy woman..in manners, morals, speech and dress but he crossed the line when he put his hands on her. I'm not condoning what she did though, believe me. Here's the kicker..in my last two or three chats with her (last one about a week ago), she was as lucid as can be. Some of the ones before that she was semi-lucid.
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My Mom had the UH medicare advantage plan. Never had a problem with Medicare or them when she had to go to rehab after falls etc. The reason we had to place my Mom in care was simply I could not keep her safe because she would get up at night and have falls. She broke bones, wrist, shoulder, and vertabrae, had a brain bleed from hitting her head. I had no problems with the rest, feeding, bathing, diapers, I just needed her to stay put at night. No one can go 24 hours a day without sleep. It got to the point I was getting sick for lack of sleep. I did not want to do it, I promised her I would not, it is a hard thing to admit I simply could not keep her safe.
 
I'm so sorry about this Diva. I know this can be such a hard situation for family to maneuver. There will be people with different opinions, there can be denial and then there is stages to grieving when a loved one is inflicted with such a condition. I hope she has a decision maker.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
A while back, I posted that my sister has dementia (search didn't reveal that thread). She was probably in the earlier stages back then. I mentioned something to her S.O. and he blew it off as we all have memory lapses sometimes. Her son, who she is very close with, was in denial for too long, I think. Her daughter who lives further away was more realistic about what was happening but was working two jobs and couldn't get up this way often. My niece texted me today to let me know that my sister is in the hospital. Since I don't leave my text notifications on, I didn't see it until this afternoon. A little while after I saw it, my nephew called me to let me know and we talked a bit. She lost her house and has been living with him for about the past year so he's now well aware of the changes. Last year, my niece came up and she and her brother went to the doctor with my sister. She was evaluated, diagnosed and prescribed medication but I heard from two sources (my grand niece and her son), that she isn't taking the medication as she should. My sister was always stubborn, now it's even worse.

Anyway, back to the subject of this thread. I called my sister this evening and asked how she was feeling. She said "not good." I said yes, I know you are in the hospital. She said "I'm not in the hospital." Where are you? "I'm in the parking garage at the hotel trying to get my pocketbook loose." Ohhh...why were you at the hotel? "I went to a dance". Did you dance. "Not much". My nephew had already told me she was having delusions while she was there. She was also saying she wanted to go home and being quite contentious. I recognize this as sundowning behavior I experienced with my mother in the later stages of her vascular dementia (same thing my sister has), except some of it was happening during the day. One of my nephew's acquaintances told him his mother is in the early stages...that person would be wrong from what I've read about the stages and my sister's behaviors that I've witnessed starting over 4 years ago. I already told my son I want to go to the hospital tomorrow either in addition to our plans or instead of (if necessary). That is if she hasn't brow beaten the medical staff and her son into discharging her by then.
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MDS,

I am so sorry that this is happening.
 
I went to see my sister Sunday. She was sleeping when we got there and woke up on her own. She's at a hospital in another town so if she hadn't woke up in about 45 minutes, I was planning to wake her. She was so happy to see us but at first thought we her cousins. Then I told her that we are her sister and nephew. She got it. I gave her a pass because of the masks. :) Her demeanor was just the opposite of what my nephew said it was the day before. She said she realized she needed to be in the hospital for her own sake and was grateful that her illness wasn't any worse. It was sad to see her looking so frail. My sister never was overweight but over the last 3 or 4 years, she lost a lot of weight due to a decrease in appetite. She repeated herself several times when she stated how happy she was to see us and when she asked what the weather was like outside.

As we were leaving, my nephew came in with his S.O. and son and met us in the lobby. He said had gone home for a little while to get some laundry done. In response to my questions, he said that the doctors are going to wait until the drainage tube in her gallbladder does its thing to see if they'll need to remove it. He also said that he doesn't know what she did with the medication...but knows she wasn't taken it. I wouldn't be surprised if she tossed it. So now he has to try to get it refilled. My niece texted me Monday evening to tell me that her mother is being released today (Tuesday).

@Muskrat I was in denial until my mother went into a nursing home. I shared that with my nephew so he would realize I know what he's going through. No the medication is not the problem, because as previously stated, she wasn't taking it. She's not on any other medications.

@Blessed Like you, I didn't want to put my mother in a home but had to because of her falls and my ill health. I'm sorry your mother's falls resulted in such serious injuries. Thank God my mom's did not and she was 94 when she went in.
 
So sorry to hear of your sister's issues. It's always very hard on family members. Life is never simple to begin with, and when something like this gets added on, it can feel so overwhelming!

Wishing you and your family the best. Remember to breathe, LOL.
 

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