Do men and women have different ideas of what "romance" is?

[Sippican]

Romance is rare at our age, or at any age unless going through infatuation stages.
Mutual companionship is what is what we find at our age.

For those of you thinking men are simplistic (car chases and football, etc) you are wrong. Its easy to categorize men into a simple box, but its just not true. Its convenient, its easy to label, but men can be very deep about relationships, BUT, it doesn't conform to the women's expectations, so we do what all men do, we shut up and go about our existence and let them think what they want about us.
Its not a bad thing, and men aren't angered by it,women that think they know the species is just a thing we live with.

Women need answers to most everything. If only to put things into their perspective, or justify their reasoning, and that ok, thats how women are wired. Men, in most cases, doesn't need to know why or how every facet of a relationship works. We are not wired that way.
I say all of this coming from experience with women. I have to say, without going into actual numbers, I've dated north of 30 women. No, not all sexual, but dated. Its interesting the patterns you see in women that either are personal traits, or ingrained in them through social norms.

 

[Bella]

Romance is rare at our age, or at any age unless going through infatuation stages.
Mutual companionship is what is what we find at our age.

For those of you thinking men are simplistic (car chases and football, etc) you are wrong. Its easy to categorize men into a simple box, but its just not true. Its convenient, its easy to label, but men can be very deep about relationships, BUT, it doesn't conform to the women's expectations, so we do what all men do, we shut up and go about our existence and let them think what they want about us.
Its not a bad thing, and men aren't angered by it,women that think they know the species is just a thing we live with.

Women need answers to most everything. If only to put things into their perspective, or justify their reasoning, and that ok, thats how women are wired. Men, in most cases, doesn't need to know why or how every facet of a relationship works. We are not wired that way.
I say all of this coming from experience with women. I have to say, without going into actual numbers, I've dated north of 30 women. No, not all sexual, but dated. Its interesting the patterns you see in women that either are personal traits, or ingrained in them through social norms.

With all due respect, Mr. Sippican, I wouldn't discount romance at any age. Whether young or old, infatuation is just the first step in most relationships, and it most certainly can turn into real love. Some older people might not be able to find romance or want romance or even companionship. Some want only companionship with no deeper emotional involvement. While others may want romance and love but will settle for companionship,

Not all women pigeonhole men by stereotyping them as simplistic creatures. Men are hardly simplistic; they're complex in many ways and not all the same in their wants and needs or how they express themselves as to what they desire.

I think that what a man or woman needs answers to depends on the man or woman. I've dated guys who wanted or needed to know everything. To the point that they were suffocating. No couple in an honest, loving, mutually respectful relationship needs to "shut up and go about our existence and let them think what they want about us."

I wasn't born married, so as far as dating, I'm not exactly inexperienced myself. Without going into actual numbers, I've got you beat.

 

[Robb.hisself]

To me, romance are about 'moments'. A romantic moment spent together in the moonlight of a warm summer's evening is what romance is. However, love is more of a theme that permeates everything between a man and his partner. Consequently love is the essential thing before romance can happen.

 

[Sippican]

With all due respect, Mr. Sippican, I wouldn't discount romance at any age. Whether young or old, infatuation is just the first step in most relationships, and it most certainly can turn into real love. Some older people might not be able to find romance or want romance or even companionship. Some want only companionship with no deeper emotional involvement. While others may want romance and love but will settle for companionship,

Not all women pigeonhole men by stereotyping them as simplistic creatures. Men are hardly simplistic; they're complex in many ways and not all the same in their wants and needs or how they express themselves as to what they desire.

I think that what a man or woman needs answers to depends on the man or woman. I've dated guys who wanted or needed to know everything. To the point that they were suffocating. No couple in an honest, loving, mutually respectful relationship needs to "shut up and go about our existence and let them think what they want about us."

I wasn't born married, so as far as dating, I'm not exactly inexperienced myself. Without going into actual numbers, I've got you beat.

As I agree with you there are exceptions, what I have experienced, there are certain traits that I see over and over again.
One trait I see and it has been commented on in other social platforms is: Successful men can easily be with a poor woman, whereas you rarely see a successful woman with a poor man.

Why? Because equal success is not a measurement men uses in selecting a mate. Men don't necessarily look for traits in a woman as; career success, own a home, money success, able to do the things a man can do. Men aren't looking for all of those things in a woman. They are looking for soft, caring, understanding, moral and emotional support and respect for what they bring to a relationship. A safe harbor after a long day of work. Men don't always show 'romance' in the way women do. Men show it in ways that provide/protect as being main displays of romance. By being providers.

I think we can agree men and women are wired differently. What concerns me the most is social aspects that instill in women what men really want, and its told by women to women.
As far as my numbers, I thought long and hard about putting accurate numbers. But, you can double what I put and add more.....Lets say I stopped counting at 75.

 

[Bella]

As I agree with you there are exceptions, what I have experienced, there are certain traits that I see over and over again.
One trait I see and it has been commented on in other social platforms is: Successful men can easily be with a poor woman, whereas you rarely see a successful woman with a poor man.

And I agree that the stereotypes you describe are the norm.

However, a poor woman with a successful man brings other things to the relationship that a man desires more than money. If the fact that she has money was more important to him, he wouldn't be with her. If it's important to a successful woman that a man has money, then she wouldn't be with a man who's without it.

Why? Because equal success is not a measurement men uses in selecting a mate. Men don't necessarily look for traits in a woman as; career success, own a home, money success, able to do the things a man can do. Men aren't looking for all of those things in a woman. They are looking for soft, caring, understanding, moral and emotional support and respect for what they bring to a relationship. A safe harbor after a long day of work.

The sentence in bold above is where you hit the nail on the head, and it applies to both parties in the relationship, no matter who's the breadwinner.

Men don't always show 'romance' in the way women do. Men show it in ways that provide/protect as being main displays of romance. By being providers.

How a man or woman shows romance is subjective. Some men think romance is all about gift-giving or sweet-talking. Others think it's bringing home the bacon, building you a bookcase, or fixing your car. If a woman provides meals, tends to children, does the laundry, and cleans the house, she's no less of a provider than he is. Each spouse sustains and supports the relationship by providing equally for the other in the way that works best for them.

I think we can agree men and women are wired differently. What concerns me the most is social aspects that instill in women what men really want, and its told by women to women.
As far as my numbers, I thought long and hard about putting accurate numbers. But, you can double what I put and add more.....Lets say I stopped counting at 75.

Yes, men and women are basically wired differently, but that doesn't mean they can't connect on what's most important. As far as using women telling women as a resource for what men want, I can only speak for myself and say that's not my resource for finding out what a man wants. I go directly to the man himself; only he can tell me what he truly wants.

We can agree to disagree, Mr. Sippican.

 

[chic]

For me the most romantic thing a person can do for me is to always be there. Some people do this so well. They help you when you need it, cheer you when you are so down you can't even see up, comfort you when you need TLC, and they never mind doing all the boring day to day things that say I love you more than anything else in this world ever could. They prioritize YOU. Personally, I would never leave a man like this. This is just me but someone asked.

 

[Sippican]

And I agree that the stereotypes you describe are the norm.

However, a poor woman with a successful man brings other things to the relationship that a man desires more than money. If the fact that she has money was more important to him, he wouldn't be with her. If it's important to a successful woman that a man has money, then she wouldn't be with a man who's without it.



The sentence in bold above is where you hit the nail on the head, and it applies to both parties in the relationship, no matter who's the breadwinner.



How a man or woman shows romance is subjective. Some men think romance is all about gift-giving or sweet-talking. Others think it's bringing home the bacon, building you a bookcase, or fixing your car. If a woman provides meals, tends to children, does the laundry, and cleans the house, she's no less of a provider than he is. Each spouse sustains and supports the relationship by providing equally for the other in the way that works best for them.



Yes, men and women are basically wired differently, but that doesn't mean they can't connect on what's most important. As far as using women telling women as a resource for what men want, I can only speak for myself and say that's not my resource for finding out what a man wants. I go directly to the man himself; only he can tell me what he truly wants.

We can agree to disagree, Mr. Sippican.

I don't see it as a disagreement....just different perspectives.

"If a woman provides meals, tends to children, does the laundry, and cleans the house, she's no less of a provider than he is. Each spouse sustains and supports the relationship by providing equally for the other in the way that works best for them."

I think this is true to a point. Many women today do not do all of those things, especially if the man is providing enough income to make life easier for women like house cleaning services, going out to eat rather than cook, etc.
Many women social circles are demanding that men do the same amount of house work as they do. Thats not fair at all. If it were, then the man would require that the woman provide the same amount of income as he does.

Equality is a two way street. It can't be what is convenient for the woman to be equal.
So although your example above sounds nice, these days, its not the norm.

Again, not a disagreement, but a different perspective. I can respect your perspective, but it doesn't mean I should agree.

 

[Jules]

Successful men can easily be with a poor woman, whereas you rarely see a successful woman with a poor man.

It definitely can happen. A very successful woman realizes the clock is ticking and marries her counter opposite. Sometimes it’s not about children, it’s the panic of missing out on marriage. I’ve seen more than a few like this.

 

[Sippican]

It definitely can happen. A very successful woman realizes the clock is ticking and marries her counter opposite. Sometimes it’s not about children, it’s the panic of missing out on marriage. I’ve seen more than a few like this.

The exception rather than the norm.
If that is true, that doesn't speak well for the successful woman. Willing to settle in hopes of the man staying.
Successful women, typically smart women. They wouldn't open themselves to losing everything they worked for just to say they are missing out on marriage. I think the majority are smarter than that.