Phoenix
Senior Member
- Location
- Oregon, U S
...and/or are they insensitive about it? This last year and a half I lost 8 people I care about. It happens as we get older. Turns out our contemporaries are getting there too. Imagine that. 4 of them were important to me, mostly family. 4 of them were family members of my second husband. I had not seen them in years, but it still affected me when they passed. I learned about them through the internet when I was looking up something else. Recently the neighbor across the road - I live in a rural setting - wanted to know if I would like to have one of their kittens. Covid 19 had interfered with her getting her cat fixed, she said. I told her no because I might not live long enough to take care of it until it passed away, and there was no one I knew who would take care of it, if my husband and I were gone. I mentioned briefly that I had lost the 8 people and that my cat of 19 years had recently passed. She said, "That's no way to live. You can find new friends." I was appalled by her lack of sensitivity and selfishness. I had not told her who my losses were. I've known her for 25 years. Now I know for certain who she is. I've suspected it for years. I'm managing my losses. I work it through. But.... Bottom line, no one should tell anyone how to grieve. Make gentle suggestions, yes. As my mom always said, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.