Do you allow yourself to be happy?
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Wayne
Senior Member
every chance i get to per topic
I never thought of myself being "happy" - content/worry free is a closer description to my feelings.
At my age (79), I don't allow worries - children are independent, I love my grands but they are not my worry. I am not rich but savings and pensions are enough to live comfortably in my home of 40 years. I get depressed when friends (and neighbours or acquaintances) die or have health issues. I suppose at my age I will come across more of these issues
I live in a great safe neighbourhood for 40 years. Daily 2 to 3 miles walk (reason for a dog); I still drive but have come to terms with NOT DRIVING in the next year. Started grocery delivery and now my daughter accompanies me to doctors' appointments.
At my age (79), I don't allow worries - children are independent, I love my grands but they are not my worry. I am not rich but savings and pensions are enough to live comfortably in my home of 40 years. I get depressed when friends (and neighbours or acquaintances) die or have health issues. I suppose at my age I will come across more of these issues
I live in a great safe neighbourhood for 40 years. Daily 2 to 3 miles walk (reason for a dog); I still drive but have come to terms with NOT DRIVING in the next year. Started grocery delivery and now my daughter accompanies me to doctors' appointments.
helenbacque
Senior Member
- Location
- Central Florida
Happiness is elusive/fleeting and most highs come with matching lows. I look for contentment but to each his own.
Lilac
Well-known Member
- Location
- Flyover Country
I allow myself to be happy & I like to be around positive people. Habitually negative people are very bad for your health & your other relationships. I don't intentially intend to be uncaring to anyone, but they don't help me being around them.
I've had co-workers who were "Debbie Downers" & the "Rays of Sunshine". The Debbie's made everyone miserable & no matter how you tried, nothing made it better. The Ray's, no matter how bad something was, didn't let it affect their relationship with co-workers. One guy's wife was going through breast cancer & chemo. It was hard for him working full time, taking care of her & their girls (6 to 10), but he always had a smile on his face when he came in. I feel this helped his wife to get well. Five years later, they a little boy.
I try to do things that I enjoy by myself & with my husband. You have to get your mind on other things in good times or bad. It doesn't do well for anyone to dwell on something they have no control over. I know that is easier said than done, but you have to make the effort even if you don't feel like it. Sometimes just doing jobs around the yard & house can help. If you accomplish something, you've made a positive move, no matter how little it may seem.
I like watching the news to know what's going on around me, be it good or bad, but at times I'll just have to turn it off & stop listening. There are times you just have to tune the world out & get positive again. Then you can go & deal with the not so good things.
Funny, when I remain positive, the bad things appear not so big sometimes. Not always, but sometimes.
P.S. No insult intended to the Debbie's out there.
I've had co-workers who were "Debbie Downers" & the "Rays of Sunshine". The Debbie's made everyone miserable & no matter how you tried, nothing made it better. The Ray's, no matter how bad something was, didn't let it affect their relationship with co-workers. One guy's wife was going through breast cancer & chemo. It was hard for him working full time, taking care of her & their girls (6 to 10), but he always had a smile on his face when he came in. I feel this helped his wife to get well. Five years later, they a little boy.
I try to do things that I enjoy by myself & with my husband. You have to get your mind on other things in good times or bad. It doesn't do well for anyone to dwell on something they have no control over. I know that is easier said than done, but you have to make the effort even if you don't feel like it. Sometimes just doing jobs around the yard & house can help. If you accomplish something, you've made a positive move, no matter how little it may seem.
I like watching the news to know what's going on around me, be it good or bad, but at times I'll just have to turn it off & stop listening. There are times you just have to tune the world out & get positive again. Then you can go & deal with the not so good things.
Funny, when I remain positive, the bad things appear not so big sometimes. Not always, but sometimes.
P.S. No insult intended to the Debbie's out there.
Murrmurr
SF VIP
- Location
- Sacramento, California
That's an interesting question because I guess you could say I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum; I feel like I have no right to be UNhappy. I didn't achieve great financial success, but I did pretty well. My aspiration to become a well-known artist was replaced with aspirations to become a good father, and by all accounts, I succeeded; my kids are good people, great parents, and they're enjoying their lives. Of course I messed up a number of times, but we all do, and I adjusted, atoned, amended.
I have a nice home, a happy family, and everything I need is right here. When I really examine it, for my part I did okay, so whenever I get bummed out about life I wanna kick myself. (fortunately, I have Michelle around to do that for me)
I have a nice home, a happy family, and everything I need is right here. When I really examine it, for my part I did okay, so whenever I get bummed out about life I wanna kick myself. (fortunately, I have Michelle around to do that for me)
Gaer
"Angel whisperer"
- Location
- New Mexico U.S.A.
feywon
Well-known Member
- Location
- Rural North Central NM
Yes while think no-one can really be 'happy' all the time i court joy, i look for things to feel good about--so depending on your definition i invite/allow happiness in my life.
Because i've had to cope with depression since age 11, i developed some strategies that work for me that include actively looking for mood lifters: Animal stories/videos a standard, but humans being kind works very well too because we hear about the bad humans do more often and stridently. So people doing good, being compassionate, kind---really works. So does practicing those things myself.
However, for various reasons i won't detail on this thread so as not to dilute the topic too much, until i was out on my own (and even then not totally --habits take a while to break) i tended to suppress my own feelings, over-compartmentalize, so as not to 'upset/bother/disturb' others with my sadness, frustration, pain (sometimes even physical). In my 20's i started learning how unhealthy that was. It was likely exacerbating my depressive episodes. As none of those feelings 'went away' they just kept getting 'stuffed down' till their compartment could hold no more.
i retrained myself to identify and really feel whatever i was feeling anywhere on emotional spectrum. While i don't generally have public meltdowns. i find time/space to examine any negative emotions closely--consider things like 'is there something i can do about this or not? But i let myself FEEL it, and lo and behold when i acknowledge my negative feelings they tend to pass more quickly. It's like decluttering your mind/spirit: you have to be sure to retain the lessons learned from that negative stuff--it's the best way to not repeat same mistake over and over (the one thing i did that with for far to long was choice of spouses). It leaves more room for contentment, joy, 'happiness' to live with/in me.
Because i've had to cope with depression since age 11, i developed some strategies that work for me that include actively looking for mood lifters: Animal stories/videos a standard, but humans being kind works very well too because we hear about the bad humans do more often and stridently. So people doing good, being compassionate, kind---really works. So does practicing those things myself.
However, for various reasons i won't detail on this thread so as not to dilute the topic too much, until i was out on my own (and even then not totally --habits take a while to break) i tended to suppress my own feelings, over-compartmentalize, so as not to 'upset/bother/disturb' others with my sadness, frustration, pain (sometimes even physical). In my 20's i started learning how unhealthy that was. It was likely exacerbating my depressive episodes. As none of those feelings 'went away' they just kept getting 'stuffed down' till their compartment could hold no more.
i retrained myself to identify and really feel whatever i was feeling anywhere on emotional spectrum. While i don't generally have public meltdowns. i find time/space to examine any negative emotions closely--consider things like 'is there something i can do about this or not? But i let myself FEEL it, and lo and behold when i acknowledge my negative feelings they tend to pass more quickly. It's like decluttering your mind/spirit: you have to be sure to retain the lessons learned from that negative stuff--it's the best way to not repeat same mistake over and over (the one thing i did that with for far to long was choice of spouses). It leaves more room for contentment, joy, 'happiness' to live with/in me.
None taken!
Bretrick
Well-known Member
- Location
- Perth Western Australia
For many years I would not allow myself to be happy. I always thought I never deserved happiness.
So I went through several decades with a morose attitude.
After intense therapy dealing with the past I was able to see that even I deserved some happiness in my life.
I do find happiness in the smallest things and run with it.
I blocked out happiness and it takes work to allow it in.
Even now, I find myself with a delayed reaction when it comes to seeing something funny. A few seconds delay, unconsciously analysing, is this event funny, will I allow myself a moment of mirth?
Most times I do allow the fleeting moment to be experienced postively.
So I went through several decades with a morose attitude.
After intense therapy dealing with the past I was able to see that even I deserved some happiness in my life.
I do find happiness in the smallest things and run with it.
I blocked out happiness and it takes work to allow it in.
Even now, I find myself with a delayed reaction when it comes to seeing something funny. A few seconds delay, unconsciously analysing, is this event funny, will I allow myself a moment of mirth?
Most times I do allow the fleeting moment to be experienced postively.
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Lewkat
Senior Member
- Location
- New Jersey, USA
Of course I do.
fuzzybuddy
SF VIP
- Location
- The Sticks, Northeast PA.
Today, I feel happy. I have relatively little back pain and I can take on the world. But, I know that in a day or two, today's activity will come back to bite me. I will have back pain and an exhausted feeling. It's not that I'm UNhappy, I'm just not happy.
Alligatorob
SF VIP
Yep, every chance I get. Works most of the time.
CallMeKate
Well-known Member
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic US
I like your response, @helenbacque . I've been trying to decide how to answer this question, and I came to the conclusion that happiness (at least for me personally) isn't something that we can choose to have or not. We're happy... or we're not happy. It can't be forced and it can't be manufactured. If it could be, depression would not even exist. There are ways, like you said, that I look for contentment but I view that as something different from true happiness. I do understand that my definition of "happiness" may differ from others' views.
Happy Heart
Member
I'm in my second childhood and doing it right this time with a husband who taught me not to take myself seriously.
Happy Heart is my name!
Happy Heart is my name!
Yes, I try to be happy most of the time, when I am with
some neighbours, I try even harder, most live alone and
only have the TV, or phone, we meet for coffee, then we
chat for an hour, I do my best and they are all smiling at
the end, probably happy to get away!
Mike.
some neighbours, I try even harder, most live alone and
only have the TV, or phone, we meet for coffee, then we
chat for an hour, I do my best and they are all smiling at
the end, probably happy to get away!
Mike.
Sometimes being happy is an obvious choice we make, between two things, perhaps.
You can follow a path that makes you happy and exuberant in life or you can make a choice that does not make you happy but for whatever reason, this is the choice you make because you see some other advantage to it.
I hope you understand my meaning more clearly because, of course, not too many of us are happy 24/7. Except maybe me but I have to work at it.
You can follow a path that makes you happy and exuberant in life or you can make a choice that does not make you happy but for whatever reason, this is the choice you make because you see some other advantage to it.
I hope you understand my meaning more clearly because, of course, not too many of us are happy 24/7. Except maybe me but I have to work at it.
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Naturally
Well-known Member
- Location
- Corner of Walk 'n Don't Walk
You can't buy happiness but you can buy bacon, which is about the same thing.
Speaking only for myself, my happiness is usually connected to my attitude. I can't always control what happens but I can often choose how to allow it to affect me. Of course, I haven't perfected that approach yet, but I'm still working on it and it does make my life better.
Of course I allow myself to be happy. It comes very naturally with everyday life. Nobody is happy 24/7 regardless of their claims, whether they 'work at it' or not.