Do you believe in trying to maintains the "status quo", (in personal life)?

grahamg

Old codger
When I was much younger I seem to remember discussions going on about "maintaining the status quo", and I'd no idea what they were going on about, (it completely mystified me!).

As I've gotten older I don't seem to hear any such discussions, but I'm trying to guess what it was all about, and my guess so far as ones personal life goes, is that it was about maintaining heirachies(?).

I'm sure there are arguments to be had on both sides, if it is/was about maintaining heirachies, because our parents for example carried necessary status and authority in the family obviously, at the same time as you grow up your own ideas on life may be ahead of your parents in some ways, perhaps as their powers and faculties start to wane(?).

What do you think? :)
 

Some research to possibly help the discussion along:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ld-you-marry-break-or-maintain-the-status-quo

Quote:
"Should you marry your special someone, break up, or stay status-quo? It’s perhaps life’s biggest decision yet too many people choose a car more rationally.

Emotion usually plays a major role in deciding whether to marry that person but in case you might like to bring more rationality to the process, this mock internal debate might be helpful.

Person: I love Leslie.

Alter ego: But you’re not sure what love means.

Person: Well, I care a lot about Leslie.

Alter ego: You care a lot about your dog. That doesn’t mean you should marry it.

Person: But I love spending time with Leslie. We laugh a lot. The s*x is very good. And we simply like hanging out together.

Alter ego; That’s selective memory. Be honest with yourself: Sometimes, you find Leslie boring.

Person: Maybe my standards are too high. After a while, you get bored with anyone: hearing the same stories, the same political views.

Alter ego: Are you sure? I mean, some people are always learning and sharing ideas. I mean you read the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today, and are constantly sharing what you’ve learned. Leslie rarely does that.

Person: Maybe the problem is that I’m smarter than Leslie.

Alter ego: How important is that really? You’re looking for a marriage partner, not a consultant.

Person: But if I don’t respect Leslie’s mind, it will taint the relationship. I don’t want to be dismissive of Leslie’s opinions.

Alter ego: That’s a good point. You already do dismiss many of Leslie’s ideas.

Person: Maybe I’m just being defensive. Unconsciously, I’m subject to the Not-Invented-Here syndrome: If it’s not my idea, it must be inferior.

Alter ego: If you’re honest with yourself, you do know that Leslie is less intelligent than you are.

Person: You’re right but intelligence isn’t everything. As I said, we have a great s*x life, we seem to have the same appetite for it, and in our seven months together, s*x is as good as it was in the beginning, maybe better.

Alter ego: True but I get scared of what my mother told me, “If you put a penny in a jar every time you have s*x the first year and take one out every time you have s*x after that, you’ll never empty the jar.”

Person: I don’t think that applies to everyone. I don’t think it will apply to us.

Alter ego: Okay, the s*x part gets an A, the intellectual compatibility a B-, which is generous. How about Leslie’s lovingness?

Person: That does worry me. I care deeply about Leslie. I would hurt myself in order to help Leslie but I don’t think the reverse is true.

Alter ego: And Leslie certainly doesn’t boost you up as much as you boost Leslie.

Person: Worse, Leslie seems to find fault with me more often than I feel I deserve.

Alter ego: Maybe you do deserve it.

Person: I don’t expect unconditional love but right now it feels a little too conditional. And if it’s that the way now, what will it be like a year from now? Five years from now? 40 years from now? Remember, it’s supposed to be “until death do us part.”

Alter ego: You’re catastrophizing. Leslie isn’t that bad.

Person: But I can’t give Leslie more than a C on lovingness.

Alter ego: What about money? Leslie is a saver, likes to live simply. You're more of a spender.

Person: That's an issue. Maybe Leslie will loosen up when we have more money?

Alter ego: Maybe, but it seems like Leslie's values around money are independent of what's in the bank account. I have to give us a C on money compatibility.

Person: What about how emotionally together Leslie is? There, I have to give Leslie an A.

Alter ego: And if you’re honest, you have to give yourself a C. You tend to be moody and you’re pretty insecure, so you need to process stuff with Leslie all the time. You’re always worried that Leslie doesn’t love you enough, maybe even would cheat on you."
 
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I don't think there is a "staus-quo", in that from moment to moment everything is changing. Even what we think is "letting it be" (JL) it is still a different world 1 hour from now. I like the term "flexibility" in regards to dealing with the now.
 
Status quo is defined in Miriam-Webster as the existing state of affairs, and synonyms are normalcy and normality. My husband believes in maintaining the status quo. I do not. When changes need to be made, I make them. When they don't need to be made, I still make them if it pleases me. When others are better off if I don't rock the boat, I don't rock it. The "others" are my children.

When changes need to be made, that doesn't mean I get cooperation to continue them, if that is necessary. For example, if I do all of the household chores, and decide to not be the resident maid any more, that has never meant that the kids and husband will pitch in. So I end up either doing the chores or the house turns into a pig sty. I have actually gone on strike twice (for 2 or 3 weeks) and no one cared enough to pitch in. Asking for help never reaped me any benefits.

Now, of course, my daughter lives with me and she does what she can, but leaves her stuff strewn all over the place. I am gathering it in boxes so she can put it away when she returns from California. The common areas of the house will be tidy, organized, and clean when she returns. And it will stay that way. Period. It doesn't take much time to maintain a room that has been taken care of already. And I will do it.
 
I try to keep my lawn mowed during the summer and rake up the leaves in the fall. Other than that no. If someone wants my things to match the rest of the neighborhood they can pay some guy to come and do it.
 
Some research to possibly help the discussion along:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ld-you-marry-break-or-maintain-the-status-quo

Quote:
"Should you marry your special someone, break up, or stay status-quo? It’s perhaps life’s biggest decision yet too many people choose a car more rationally.

Emotion usually plays a major role in deciding whether to marry that person but in case you might like to bring more rationality to the process, this mock internal debate might be helpful.

Person: I love Leslie.

Alter ego: But you’re not sure what love means.

Person: Well, I care a lot about Leslie.

Alter ego: You care a lot about your dog. That doesn’t mean you should marry it.

Person: But I love spending time with Leslie. We laugh a lot. The s*x is very good. And we simply like hanging out together.

Alter ego; That’s selective memory. Be honest with yourself: Sometimes, you find Leslie boring.

Person: Maybe my standards are too high. After a while, you get bored with anyone: hearing the same stories, the same political views.

Alter ego: Are you sure? I mean, some people are always learning and sharing ideas. I mean you read the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today, and are constantly sharing what you’ve learned. Leslie rarely does that.

Person: Maybe the problem is that I’m smarter than Leslie.

Alter ego: How important is that really? You’re looking for a marriage partner, not a consultant.

Person: But if I don’t respect Leslie’s mind, it will taint the relationship. I don’t want to be dismissive of Leslie’s opinions.

Alter ego: That’s a good point. You already do dismiss many of Leslie’s ideas.

Person: Maybe I’m just being defensive. Unconsciously, I’m subject to the Not-Invented-Here syndrome: If it’s not my idea, it must be inferior.

Alter ego: If you’re honest with yourself, you do know that Leslie is less intelligent than you are.

Person: You’re right but intelligence isn’t everything. As I said, we have a great s*x life, we seem to have the same appetite for it, and in our seven months together, s*x is as good as it was in the beginning, maybe better.

Alter ego: True but I get scared of what my mother told me, “If you put a penny in a jar every time you have s*x the first year and take one out every time you have s*x after that, you’ll never empty the jar.”

Person: I don’t think that applies to everyone. I don’t think it will apply to us.

Alter ego: Okay, the s*x part gets an A, the intellectual compatibility a B-, which is generous. How about Leslie’s lovingness?

Person: That does worry me. I care deeply about Leslie. I would hurt myself in order to help Leslie but I don’t think the reverse is true.

Alter ego: And Leslie certainly doesn’t boost you up as much as you boost Leslie.

Person: Worse, Leslie seems to find fault with me more often than I feel I deserve.

Alter ego: Maybe you do deserve it.

Person: I don’t expect unconditional love but right now it feels a little too conditional. And if it’s that the way now, what will it be like a year from now? Five years from now? 40 years from now? Remember, it’s supposed to be “until death do us part.”

Alter ego: You’re catastrophizing. Leslie isn’t that bad.

Person: But I can’t give Leslie more than a C on lovingness.

Alter ego: What about money? Leslie is a saver, likes to live simply. You're more of a spender.

Person: That's an issue. Maybe Leslie will loosen up when we have more money?

Alter ego: Maybe, but it seems like Leslie's values around money are independent of what's in the bank account. I have to give us a C on money compatibility.

Person: What about how emotionally together Leslie is? There, I have to give Leslie an A.

Alter ego: And if you’re honest, you have to give yourself a C. You tend to be moody and you’re pretty insecure, so you need to process stuff with Leslie all the time. You’re always worried that Leslie doesn’t love you enough, maybe even would cheat on you."
My feeling about the above article is if you go through life thinking this way you're very unlikely to have a happy marriage, and don't deserve one either! :(
 
I believe in change if its for the good . We are all different with our own personalities. If you can’t be yourself, you are missing out big time.
 
If your talking about those miserable, maxed out of their credit cards "Jones" down the street, hack NO! Not a snowball's chance in a very, very hot place!
 
There's no work involved in maintaining the status quo, so I don't know why anyone would have to try. Just don't do anything different = status quo maintained.
Well maybe, though an aunt of mine said "you had to work at a marriage", so in the sense of keeping such a relationship solid and happy there is maybe a need to do something to maintain the status quo there(?) :unsure:
 
I think Christmas is maintaining the status quo. Everyone is shopping, everyone put up decorations, everyone is going crazy for this "festive season." I used to question this and my late wife used to say that Christmas lights tend to bright up winter nights and perhaps make winter seem a little shorter. As always; she was right! Now that she is gone; I walk around and see some of these crazy flashing, loud lights and just shake my head and as that old song asked, "What's it all about, Alfie?" Maybe "Alfie would say that it certainly is not about the birth of Christ" to most people. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule.
 
I think Christmas is maintaining the status quo. Everyone is shopping, everyone put up decorations, everyone is going crazy for this "festive season." I used to question this and my late wife used to say that Christmas lights tend to bright up winter nights and perhaps make winter seem a little shorter. As always; she was right! Now that she is gone; I walk around and see some of these crazy flashing, loud lights and just shake my head and as that old song asked, "What's it all about, Alfie?" Maybe "Alfie would say that it certainly is not about the birth of Christ" to most people. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule.
You make very good points, and the only comment I can think of relating to maintaining the "status quo", the traditional spike in those seeking divorce after Christmas goes against this aspect, (as couples realise when forced to endure more of one another's company, leads them to break their status quo!).
 
I am so far behind my university peers as far as accomplishments that it's ridiculous to even consider the question. I have achieved much more than my high school peers, though, but who cares? I'm more interested in maintaining my non-homeless status than keeping up with the joneses.
 
Never. I am always looking to change my outlook on life and my behavior because life is always changing around us.
I agree, unless we rattle the cage once in awhile, we cannot not learn more about ourselves and those we love. I am not suggesting that this be constant. That would be a little tiring. LOL
 


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