Do you feel that others understand you?

GoodEnuff said:
I am very direct in most conversations with people I know so if someone doesn't understand me, it's because they aren't listening
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Same for me. I feel well understood by family, friends, neighbors and forum friends. Occasionally my words will be misinterpreted, but I try to clear that up ASAP.

Truth be told, I'm not that complex a human and I wear my life on my sleeve. Hard to misunderstand me most of the time.
 
I hadn't had any contact with my one sister ( I have 2 )for probably 10 years when she called and asked if she and her son could come and stay overnight here , as she had business in the area.. She lives in the far north of England...and I'm down in the south..

My husband had never met her, so I agreed she could come for one night. After she left... any thoughts the problem may have laid with me was quickly dissipated when my husband said '' Good God, what the heck was that ?.. Who on earth does she think she is '' ?

.. last year after 20 years of no contact.. I learned she had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and was searching for me.... so I reached out.. , I spoke to her at my expense over several days... hour long calls.. and she was just as despicable as ever.. even more so probably..
 
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outlander said:
Since I pretty much live outside society's norms, I don't expect to be understood by anyone. I have a few friends, my children, my brother and sometimes my mother that seem to understand me for the most part. When I am intermingling with everyday people I keep the conversation pretty average and mostly avoid giving an opinion on anything that could be considered substantial. So in the public's eye I'm a pretty friendly guy. Not trying to deceive or hide things from people, just avoiding awkward and difficult.

No, I'm not a sociopath, deviant, pervert, or criminal, but perhaps just a little bit weird in a good way;)
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Thank you, that you already expressed my thoughts about myself. You did it very well, that I don't need to comment.
 
I have a lot of thoeries and I don't hesitate in expressing them. Some are serious and others just for fun. Most people tolerate my ideas but ocasionally someone will know exactly what I mean and maybe give me a high five. It makes it all worthwhile.
 
I chose to be around people my own age because most the time they do what I am talking about and I don't have to try to explain what I want known.

I have a picture of myself with my baby sister on my bedroom wall, and it reminds me of how much I love her, even though our relationship has been strained. We live far apart, and every once in a while I send her a message to let her know I am thinking of her. It makes me sad that we have not always had a good relationship. If I could make all her emotional pain go away, I would.
 
KSav said:
I don't feel understood by anyone in North Dakota; even after 17 years I still feel like a total fish out of water. There's just such a disconnect in worldview. That's not to say that one is better or worse than the other—just different.

The people who understand me best, truly understand me, are my daughters—and some good online friends I've known for more than a dozen years.

I've gotten to the point that even with my local friend group, at our get-togethers, I've stopped sharing as much as I used to because I just feel like there's not a lot of interest there. (And I'm not referring to my tendency to rhapsodize about ocean liners, which is sure to make the eyes of even the most patient person glaze over. 😁I've learned to save that stuff for the ocean liner forums.)
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I have lived in areas where I did not feel I belonged, and back in the day, there was no internet. I remember thinking I would die because of intellectual starvation.

I am very glad to live in a small city with a university. That fits me much better than rural, small towns where people's intellectual interests may be limited to playing Jeopardy, and they are fine with their children knowing no more about the world than their own backyard.
 
I believe I'm a very good communicator, I speak clearly and concisely, but that kind of understanding probably isn't what this thread is asking.

If the question is "understands" who I am and why I am that way my answer is an easy no. During my life I have realized people are baffled by me, and I by them, for a long time I tried hard to conform to societal norms but I do that no longer.
 
Vida May said:
I chose to be around people my own age because most the time they do what I am talking about and I don't have to try to explain what I want known.

I have a picture of myself with my baby sister on my bedroom wall, and it reminds me of how much I love her, even though our relationship has been strained. We live far apart, and every once in a while I send her a message to let her know I am thinking of her. It makes me sad that we have not always had a good relationship. If I could make all her emotional pain go away, I would.
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What a caring message. Even if things aren't as they should be, she must sense that she matters to you.
 
Vida May said:
I have lived in areas where I did not feel I belonged, and back in the day, there was no internet. I remember thinking I would die because of intellectual starvation.

I am very glad to live in a small city with a university. That fits me much better than rural, small towns where people's intellectual interests may be limited to playing Jeopardy, and they are fine with their children knowing no more about the world than their own backyard.
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That's a great point about the internet, @Vida May. I'm so grateful to have access to it. I've been online since 1992, but my participation in forums and mailing lists kicked into high gear when we lived in a small town in Michigan with virtually no social opportunities. Then it petered out for several years while the kids were growing up.

I wish I lived in a city/town with a university; I really feel like that would alleviate a lot of the alienation I feel. I don't want to derail the thread, so I'll leave it at that.
 
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The OP's thread is so broadly posed that for the sake of logic, it is meaningless. However, members immediately interpreted it to be about issues, especially their own problematic personal often emotional involved relationships, that can be misinterpreted that are a very minor subset. An issue on this board is numbers of those that seem to like starting threads, don't bother considering how others may interpret whatever simplicity differently than what is going on in their own mind. Note I'm not picking on just the OP but rather most of those that create threads.

Two major reasons people often don't understand each other is because either the person presenting whatever doesn't adequately, clearly explain and the second is the other person is listening poorly that may or may not be their fault. For example, if someone starts talking to you while you are wearing earbuds listening to music, don't expect them to understand what you are saying. If one is helping someone in their car stopped at an intersection light with directions to the nearest gas station, don't expect them to be able to understand when one starts rambling away with dozens of street changes to get wherever.

Years ago, I worked at tech companies with lots of supposedly very intelligent and educated people, where HR tried to improve these interpersonal communication issues by holding in-house classes. It always surprised me how many such high IQ people had such poor interpersonal communication skills that of course is even worse in the blue collar working world. Just consider how easily manipulated so many are on social media and news media.

When I'm at a retail checkout counter and relate, "Yes I have a bag" or here is a Twenty ($20), the clerks always understand.
When I send a smartphone message to one of my relatives that I'm going on a short road trip so won't be around tomorrow, they perfectly understand and won't be phoning me as though I was.
When at my job and told an electronic tech that that reason the PCB still doesn't work after they replaced an IC, was because they put the wrong part in, they totally instantly understood.
When on this web community board, when I relate that I'm 5 foot 6 inches, people always understand what that means.
When on this web community board, when I talk about complex neuroscience, I expect few members will understand more than little bits.
When I tell an 8 year old kid that 2 plus 3 equals 5, or that A is the beginning of the English alphabet, almost all comprendo.
There are a zillion other examples one might add.

So what is the OP much more narrowly asking?
 
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David777 said:
The OP's thread is so broadly posed that for the sake of logic, it is meaningless. However, members immediately interpreted it to be about issues, especially their own problematic personal often emotional involved relationships, that can be misinterpreted that are a very minor subset. An issue on this board is numbers of those that seem to like starting threads, don't bother considering how others may interpret whatever simplicity differently than what is going on in their own mind. Note I'm not picking on just the OP but rather most of those that create threads.

Two major reasons people often don't understand each other is because either the person presenting whatever doesn't adequately, clearly explain and the second is the other person is listening poorly that may or may not be their fault. For example, if someone starts talking to you while you are wearing earbuds listening to music, don't expect them to understand what you are saying. If one is helping someone in their car stopped at an intersection light with directions to the nearest gas station, don't expect them to be able to understand when one starts rambling away with dozens of street changes to get wherever.

Years ago, I worked at tech companies with lots of supposedly very intelligent and educated people, where HR tried to improve these interpersonal communication issues by holding in-house classes. It always surprised me how many such high IQ people had such poor interpersonal communication skills that of course is even worse in the blue collar working world. Just consider how easily manipulated so many are on social media and news media.

When I'm at a retail checkout counter and relate, "Yes I have a bag" or here is a Twenty ($20), the clerks always understand.
When I send a smartphone message to one of my relatives that I'm going on a short road trip so won't be around tomorrow, they perfectly understand and won't be phoning me as though I was.
When at my job and told an electronic tech that that reason the PCB still doesn't work after they replaced an IC, was because they put the wrong part in, they totally instantly understood.
When on this web community board, when I relate that I'm 5 foot 6 inches, people always understand what that means.
When on this web community board, when I talk about complex neuroscience, I expect few members will understand more than little bits.
When I tell an 8 year old kid that 2 plus 3 equals 5, or that A is the beginning of the English alphabet, almost all comprendo.
There are a zillion other examples one might add.

So what is the OP much more narrowly asking?
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Sorry David, I understood the post ( essentially) to mean do people Understand me... and the way I present myself.. either verablly or emotionally... ..not simply using words... as in your example of '' here is a twenty''... of course people will understand the latter unless you're talking to someone who doesn't have English as a language they've learned .... but do people ''understand' you when you do , say or act in a certain way.. without your verbal explanation as to the reason you acted in that way ... ?:unsure:
 
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Knight said:
On a personal level I hope they do. But my reality is---not always. Online when that happens it gives me a chance to interact that wasn't there before. And even then not always successful.
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On this forum, I have had people actually attack me verbally.. and very angrily, for words or statements I have not even used... Sometimes people will see what they want to and invent what they want if they're determined to attack... despite the fact that it's there literally in B&W for a thousand other people to see
 
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Marv Malone said:
You think people really get what you say and mean? Family, friends, strangers?
Forum acquaintances? People say that they understand all the time, but they don't
know what it means to you, the reasons, feelings. Not just the words you utter.
People overthink and never actually understand, or care to, I think.
I don't mean doctors.
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Your question is difficult to answer in a reasonably concise way because, you refer to family, friends, strangers and forum acquaintances, all very different relationships and circumstances. I think, sometimes we are all misunderstood and sometimes we misunderstand other people, such is life. 🤷‍♀️

I also think that sometimes people expect a lot from other people. If someone takes the time to listen and say that they understand, why not just appreciate that kindness? Why question if they really understand or even care?
 
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