Do you live alone?

Bretrick

Bretrick

Well-known Member
Location
Perth Western Australia
As I rouse from dreaming about intimacy, I groan as I roll onto my side and look at the unused pillow beside me.
My hormones telling me that I have been too long without human contact.
I am not craving intimacy with a stranger.
I long for skin to skin contact with someone I can connect with on many levels.
Alas I made a conscious decision to live life alone, foolishly telling myself I do not need intimate human contact.
All my life I have slept alone. Waking every morning by oneself I realise now has had a mildly negative effect on my self esteem.
When the decision was made by me to shun people it was on the back of years of use and abuse to the point where it was imperative for me to block people out of my life.
I now have some semblance of control of my emotions. I can now differentiate between those who want to harm me and those who simply want friendship and benign human interaction.
So here I am, sleeping single in a double bed, craving intimate skin to skin contact but it seems I am destined to remain alone for the reason that prolonged interaction with someone still has the tendency to drive me a little bit crazy.
After a relatively short while I have the urgent need to get away. To run away and hide from the world at large.
A paragraph ago I wrote I now have some semblance of control of my emotions, the operative word being, "some". I do not have control of my emotions, I have, "Some semblance of Control".
I think one of the worst things about being single when you don't want to be is that people are shamed for expressing loneliness.
Everyone has needs, wants and desires and it is the decisions we have made over our life time that determines whether those needs, wants and desires will be fulfilled.
Do I regret the decisions I made all those years ago?
At the time those decisions probably saved my sanity. Today? I realise that decisions have ramifications which may not manifest for decades down the track, and I wake, alone, in a double bed when I do not really want to be alone. Not any more.
But will I be able to take the next step and make positive changes so that loneliness does not become all consuming in my later years?
 

Dear Bretrick,
I sort of know how you feel, having lost my wife of 30 years. I had a choice of sitting in a corner, feeling sorry for my self, or getting on with my life.
I started traveling, visiting places my late wife had no desire to see. As with you, I missed the sharing of experiences and was sleeping single in a double bed.
At the end of one journey, I wrote in my diary, "Well so ends a very exciting trip, but at this point my life is at a crossroads. I have no idea when my next trip is or where it will be to. Time will tell"
When I came back from my last trip in October, I said I had no idea where I would be going next, but I did not want to be traveling alone again. Well, life is funny that way, because I met a widow on a grief chatroom who lost her spouse about the same time.
Neither of us are spring chickens, and the thought of a new relationship after so many years with our late spouses was daunting. But somehow our stars aligned.
Fast forward, we were married on the Island of Santorini and have been together since.
 
yup who's askin and if ya 36 - 25 - 36 and normal female that will be fine - they could be age options but don't necessarily need to be I'm flexible?
 
Well Bret, I will toss in my two cents, but alas, two cents won't get you much these days.

Individuals seem to have unique personalities. Some go well together, and some don't. So, in my view, finding the "right" person for you is of utmost importance. That may take some time to discover, because first you have to know yourself and subsequently, what type of person could be happy being with you. That's where honesty must be offered a place at the table. Many people either deceive themselves or others because they want something so much, they are willing to bend reality. If you want to have a lasting relationship, it's imperative to make sure that doesn't happen.

If you are honest and upfront about who you really are, and what you want and expect in a relationship, it's a good starting point. From there, you need to really get to know them to see if the chemistry and personalities mesh. That's pretty much all I got, but in a good market, it still may be worth two cents.
 
Bretrick said:
As I rouse from dreaming about intimacy, I groan as I roll onto my side and look at the unused pillow beside me.
My hormones telling me that I have been too long without human contact.
I am not craving intimacy with a stranger.
I long for skin to skin contact with someone I can connect with on many levels.
Alas I made a conscious decision to live life alone, foolishly telling myself I do not need intimate human contact.
All my life I have slept alone. Waking every morning by oneself I realise now has had a mildly negative effect on my self esteem.
When the decision was made by me to shun people it was on the back of years of use and abuse to the point where it was imperative for me to block people out of my life.
I now have some semblance of control of my emotions. I can now differentiate between those who want to harm me and those who simply want friendship and benign human interaction.
So here I am, sleeping single in a double bed, craving intimate skin to skin contact but it seems I am destined to remain alone for the reason that prolonged interaction with someone still has the tendency to drive me a little bit crazy.
After a relatively short while I have the urgent need to get away. To run away and hide from the world at large.
A paragraph ago I wrote I now have some semblance of control of my emotions, the operative word being, "some". I do not have control of my emotions, I have, "Some semblance of Control".
I think one of the worst things about being single when you don't want to be is that people are shamed for expressing loneliness.
Everyone has needs, wants and desires and it is the decisions we have made over our life time that determines whether those needs, wants and desires will be fulfilled.
Do I regret the decisions I made all those years ago?
At the time those decisions probably saved my sanity. Today? I realise that decisions have ramifications which may not manifest for decades down the track, and I wake, alone, in a double bed when I do not really want to be alone. Not any more.
But will I be able to take the next step and make positive changes so that loneliness does not become all consuming in my later years?
Click to expand...
I once read these words in a book by Germaine Greer. I may be misquoting but it goes something like this -"Everything that is, could be otherwise".

The present is what it is and may be a consequence of the past but, and this is a big but, much of the status quo can be changed if we choose to change.

Or, to put it more succinctly, carpe diem.
 
67 yrs of age and I feel a lot of what you are saying as well. Husband passed 13 yrs ago. Lonely, I finally found what I thought was a boyfriend. The touch and time we spend together became an addiction. He dropped me.
No doubts about it, living alone has it's perks, but there is nothing like having a boyfriend, companionship, or someone you know they will be there for you and love you. They say this is a marriage, so be it. Better than being alone.
 
Guess I'm an outlier here. I love living alone, and after 17 years of marriage and a horrid divorce I have absolutely no desire to ever be in a romantic relationship again. I have a nice group of local friends, some good online friends, and my grown children. I'm still working and try to stay as physically active as I can.

After so many years of living for other people—moving around for my ex-husband's job; racing the three kids around to and from school and various activities; cooking to suit everyone's preferences, etc.—I am perfectly content to live my life the way I want to. I can get up when I want, go to bed when I want, eat whatever and whenever I want—I love it.
 
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When I was "between wives" (87-2000), I lived alone in this 5 bedroom house. Without hesitation, I can tell you that at times I just loved it, for I could totally to whatever/whenever I wanted. But, there were other times I felt so alone that I could cry - and I did a few times.
 

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