Do You Make Friends Easily?

I do make friends easily...but of course all are not true friends. The other term I use is good acquaintances. There are 4 people I consider close friends and 2 of my honorary daughters (one is my DIL) whom I'm very close with. I think it's important to stay connected as we age. I joined a senior center last April and I interact with many of the members...three of whom have attained friend status. Once was a neighbor until a couple of decades ago. The other two have such good energy that we hit it off right away. There's another who's likely to make it as well.

Having good friends is important. I tell my BFF that she's saved me lots of money on therapists. LOL I'd trust her with my life, my money and I've trusted her with my secrets. She's never judgmental, always supportive. She lives in another state, stays very busy but she's begun to take more time to connect. When my grandson was in the hospital with a mystery illness, she took time to call for updates just before it was time for her to go on stage; she's a pianist for a theater group. When she's up here, we go for lunch. We both realize, especially after my husband's unexpected decline, then death 3 months later and the sudden death of her sister-in-law, within a couple of months of each other, that life is not promised from one day to the next.
 

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I was never very good at it and I'm not improving with age. I'm too blunt and don't sugar coat reality. Death has taken all but one of the best I've had. Thankfully I like my own company and enjoy lots of quiet time.
 
I have 2 close friends. I used to make friends easily, or I should probably call them acquaintances. Then I went through most of my adult life as a near recluse until I joined church. Now, I have many friends for which I am thankful.
 

I am still in communication with a couple of friends I made at school in the 60s. I have a number of friendly acquaintances but have no need of a lot of friends, my family are enough for me.
 
I make friends fairly easy. I have many cousins in my area who I consider friends too. Plus my apartment building has 32 apartments in it and most of us are friends. I use a mobile chair when I go shopping by myself (not in the winter) and people on the street or in the stores talk to me all the time. My bf has a large family and they have welcomed me and include me in their family. I have a brother who lives not far from me, but if I want to see him, I have to go to his house. I don't have a close girlfriend type of friendship where I see someone all the time and we do things together. I have a couple of friends that our friendship used to be that way, but both of them have moved to different places. One I still see as she is about 40 miles from me. I am fine with it the way it is though. I hate having to do things at a certain time, as an appointment, so I keep in close contact on Facebook with my circle. It is good for that.
 
gennie said:
I was never very good at it and I'm not improving with age. I'm too blunt and don't sugar coat reality. Death has taken all but one of the best I've had. Thankfully I like my own company and enjoy lots of quiet time.
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You are honest and saying it how it is for you and I like this in people especially those I mix with and my friends.

Ive got used to my own company and I loke my space and privacy and I think others sense this and respect this
 
Gardenlover said:
Akin to the introvert/extrovert thread, but I didnā€™t want to derail it.

How many close friends do you have?

Is it important to make new friends as we age?

I donā€™t make new friends quickly, currently most are a bit younger than me. I think itā€™s important to have at least a couple close friends.
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I have a lot of fair weather friends , all of my true friends died beside me in Vietnam.
 
I remember my psych professor telling the class that thereā€™s a huge difference between acquaintances and friends. Itā€™s up to each if us to decide which is which. Thinking along those lines, I guess I could say I have a lot of acquaintances, but maybe not as many friends as I thought. Whatever, I think I have a good balance between the two.
 
Another resurrected old thread.

Little me that grew up in a large family and with a strong confident voice, easily makes pleasant conversation or shares activity with new acquaintances but now in retirement with goals, keep most people at a distance as really don't have time to habitually share my time and activities with others. That may change moving into new phases of my life. Growing up in California went to 10 different schools during K12 years so became used to frequently getting to know other kids. Same thing during working years at many tech corporations working with teams of professional others. During winter, am endlessly talking to A to Z strangers sharing ski lifts. The above noted, this very independent person doesn't seek out others to share activities.

This spring shared a spring wildflower photography road trip with a good old friend that now lives in Colorado because we work well together as a team proven from earlier decades backpacking and photoing. In the highly urban community I live within, I now only have acquaintances, not close friends that serves my keep others at a distance attitude well.

Now as a senior, regularly enjoy urban street walking wearing a big smile whenever passing unknown others. A few of which will engage in brief conversation. Especially with those that don't expect any others to ever bother talking to them. As I've said in the past given neural plasticity, as in use it or lose it, being conversationally capable, expressing oneself successfully, and being sociable requires exercising those parts of one's motor, vocal, language, and social brain areas lest they atrophy from non-use. One reason I'm on this and a few other forums.
 
Gardenlover said:
Akin to the introvert/extrovert thread, but I didnā€™t want to derail it.

How many close friends do you have?

Is it important to make new friends as we age?

I donā€™t make new friends quickly, currently most are a bit younger than me. I think itā€™s important to have at least a couple close friends.
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I have lost friends and family in the past three years. First my son, then my brother-in-law, then my sister, and most recently my good friend. There were several other acquaintances who were not so close.

When my son died during the pandemic, I had a casual memorial service for him in the cul-de-sac. One neighbor brought a tent, another brought folding chairs and they were all very supportive. I have remained friends with two of them. We hardly knew each other before that day. We have done some porch and driveway entertaining since then. I guess I will welcome friendship wherever I find it.

I also have a telephone friend in another state. We keep tabs on each other. He called a little while ago to say he was home from his grocery trip. It's almost like having someone to come home to. But not quite.
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Alizerine said:
I have lost friends and family in the past three years. First my son, then my brother-in-law, then my sister, and most recently my good friend. There were several other acquaintances who were not so close.

When my son died during the pandemic, I had a casual memorial service for him in the cul-de-sac. One neighbor brought a tent, another brought folding chairs and they were all very supportive. I have remained friends with two of them. We hardly knew each other before that day. We have done some porch and driveway entertaining since then. I guess I will welcome friendship wherever I find it.

I also have a telephone friend in another state. We keep tabs on each other. He called a little while ago to say he was home from his grocery trip. It's almost like having someone to come home to. But not quite.
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Thatā€™s a lot of loss in a short period of time. Itā€™s great that your neighbour stepped up to the plate. They sound like keepers.
 
Alizerine said:
A friend shouldn't make you commit to much of anything. Just to being your honest self.
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My two former business partners are the type of friends that brought energy and support, I miss them dearly. However, I've had a couple people in my life that fall into the category of emotional vampire. They are pretty much self centered, and less concerned about my needs. I had to learn to keep them at arms length.
 
officerripley said:
Don't I wish I could make friends easily.
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Careful what you wish for.


I recently had somebody whom I thought was a friend ( of 5 years ) throw me under the bus by warning other members about me, stating that the abuse I have spoken about isnā€™t real and only a figment of my paranoid delusions or imagination.

Three members have mentioned this to me, one giving me proof. It shouldnā€™t surprise me considering most of the PMā€™s I received were venomous gossip about others. It was obvious this person had their own serious issues which was why I let it go. When it became non stop, I had to ask the person to stop which didnā€™t go over well.

Since then I kept my distance. There was only one time that I shared some horrific experiences. In fact, I shared them with a few members here, which I immediately apologized for and never did it ever again. I admit to really messing up. This doesnā€™t mean it didnā€™t really happen.

Belittling someoneā€™s horrific experiences doesnā€™t make it less real and something Iā€™ve never done when roles were reversed.

Looking over Nathanā€™s ā€˜emotional vampireā€™ article, I noted that drama queen was listed.
Thereā€™s no doubt whatsoever that I am one. This doesnā€™t make me a dangerous person. It just means I can be somewhat annoying at times, which Iā€™m well aware of.

I AM a paranoid person. I donā€™t trust others as easily as most, which also doesnā€™t make me a dangerous person either. It just makes me extra cautious.

Yes I have issues but Iā€™m certainly not hassling others trying to find or be a BFF nor am I spreading rumours about others here.Iā€™m not good at socializing, especially not on a personal level and donā€™t make any pretences that I am.

ā€œOh what a web we weave, when we choose to deceive.ā€

Iā€™m a lot of things, but liar isnā€™t one of them.
None of my disorders include hallucinations or delusions either.
 
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