Do you really think you know your family members/loved ones?

fuzzybuddy

fuzzybuddy

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Location
The Sticks, Northeast PA.
I just read a story about a woman, who committed suicide. Her family wasn't aware of how distressed she was, because she hid it so well. I began to think about my ex. For ten years, she had a gambling addiction, but she hid it so well, I didn't notice. It wasn't till she just couldn't go 24 hours without hitting the off track betting parlors, that it dawned on me.
People hide a lot.
Do you really think you know your family members/loved ones?
Before my ex, I would have said, "Of course, I do". Now?????
 

I know my husband well but he doesn't know me. My 2 sons that still live at home - I know them mostly. As for my siblings that are still alive - I know them fairly well. I agree that everyone hides things. I am very good at that and it probably won't change much in the near future. It's all in keeping the peace.
 
That's an interesting question. How much do I want to know at this point? I sure will never do a DNA test. No interest in finding more bio freaks.

Another side of that is, do they really know you?

I always thought my one brother was the one who understood what we went through as kids. But even with signs when we were younger, I had to come to the realization he's an abuser himself. Never thought I'd have to realize that.

Also: deadbeat bio dad, mother immigrant so no family there and isolated from stepfather's family by my mother. And I always remember those people being nice to me. Couldn't have that.
 
My 2nd ex had a gambling addiction, which she hid till she just couldn't control it. My1st ex decided to become a vegetarian, when she found out the cute 1st place cow was going to be slaughtered the next day. She made a big deal about going vegan. This was in the 1980s, when there were a total of 3 vegan restaurants in the US. It was hell trying to find a place where she could eat. And for years, she was sneaking down to McDonalds for a meat fix.
 
Knowing a person isnā€™t a simple thing not even if we are talking just about oneā€™s self. But within those parameters we do know people if only imperfectly.

My dog sitter who is also a senior had a mate who committed suicide. That has got to be the worst thing that can happen.
 
MarkD said:
Knowing a person isnā€™t a simple thing not even if we are talking just about oneā€™s self. But within those parameters we do know people if only imperfectly.

My dog sitter who is also a senior had a mate who committed suicide. That has got to be the worst thing that can happen.
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we've had 2 suicides in the family... clearly we all didn't know them as well as we thought or we would have done as much as we could to prevent it...but they lied.. and so we were off guard and not expecting it to happen
 
I thought I knew a cousin. We mutually referred to each other as favorite first cousins (FFC). My husband had tried to warn me about some shady sh*t he had done decades ago, but I didn't buy it. When we all went to S.C. for a cousin's funeral, my FFC wound up cursing me out when we got back with the vehicle he had rented. Earlier in the day, he had told my husband and I we could use it (because he had hooked up with this woman who he expected to hang out with).

One of the reasons we had the SUV so long is because my FFC and I were chipping in on a GPS device for our relatives we were staying with. We had to go to stores in the area to find the right one. When we got back to the house that night, he was ready to leave. Our cousins we stayed with expressed utter shock at his behavior. I found out later he had done some wicked sh*t with another cousin!

He also complained about when I gave him our portion of the trip money, when in fact I gave it to him earlier than we had discussed.
On the way back to Jersey, he was driving erratically. Our other cousin said she didn't feel safe until my husband took the wheel. I think he had started back using again. At one point he said things to disrespect my husband. When I got out of the car I wanted to kick his butt but my husband told me to calm down. I stayed angry with him for years and avoided him whenever I saw him. Until he showed up one day at a breakfast celebrating my granddaughter and other honor students. The breakfast was held at a popular banquet house. I found myself giving him a hug and chatting just a bit.

And he was the first person I asked to dance with me at our family reunion last year. Still, sometimes when he calls, I don't pick up. He'll call and leave a message "In case nobody told you they love you today...I love you". And like my mother used to say I'm still "feeding him with a long handled spoon". If you really want to find out about a relative's character, wait until somebody dies! I have seen and heard of some outrageous behavior family members perpetrated with close relatives after a death in the family.
 
I'm sorry about the issues with your BFF, @OneEyedDiva. Knowing you as I do, that must still be a very sore spot in your heart.
OneEyedDiva said:
And like my mother used to say I'm still "feeding him with a long handled spoon".
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I've never heard this expression before, but sure do love it. Some people in my life are much loved, but I've learned to not get too close. As your Mama said, I feed them with a long handled spoon.
Just never had the right description for it until now.
 
StarSong said:
I'm sorry about the issues with your BFF, @OneEyedDiva. Knowing you as I do, that must still be a very sore spot in your heart.

I've never heard this expression before, but sure do love it. Some people in my life are much loved, but I've learned to not get too close. As your Mama said, I feed them with a long handled spoon.
Just never had the right description for it until now.
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Glad I could help you put a label on what it is you've been doing Star. šŸ¤—
 
All my family including a few of the new brothers and 1sister, are dust in the wind now. The ones that are alive I have never met and don't have plans to. I have one son alive but mentally ill who lives nearby. I know him really well but don't inteact with him because he scares me. I found his bio father recently and found out that he was the same way. So I guess the one person left alive in my life I know well. But not in a good way.
 
dusty said:
All my family including a few of the new brothers and 1sister, are dust in the wind now. The ones that are alive I have never met and don't have plans to. I have one son alive but mentally ill who lives nearby. I know him really well but don't inteact with him because he scares me. I found his bio father recently and found out that he was the same way. So I guess the one person left alive in my life I know well. But not in a good way.
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your son scares you ?... oh that's horribly sad.. I'm so sorry
 
dusty said:
He is a scoiopath with little regard toward others and no compassion or empathy. He is on meds but doesn't always take them. After a long talk with his bio's brother, I discovered that most of the men in the family including his ancestors are ill as well.
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when did you learn this ?
 
He was born with extreme emotional disabilities. He screamed ALL the time and rarely slept...so basically I knew it at birth. When he was 7 yrs (and still terribly hard to deal with) I took him to Johns Hopkins physch doctors and he was evaluated as having the signs and symptoms. As he got older he was really antisocial so back we went. Dx'ed then. I left his bio father before he was born as I saw the same traits and knew I did not want to be married to him. It hasn't been easy.
 
StarSong said:
I'm sorry about the issues with your BFF, @OneEyedDiva. Knowing you as I do, that must still be a very sore spot in your heart.

I've never heard this expression before, but sure do love it. Some people in my life are much loved, but I've learned to not get too close. As your Mama said, I feed them with a long handled spoon.
Just never had the right description for it until now.
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Thank you Star. I just noticed you referenced my BFF. The issue wasn't with her but with my first cousin, formerly known as my favorite first cousin (FFC)
 

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