Yes, they do.
No.
Same here. But now I am suffering from trust issues and I don't know how these last few years of my life are going to play out. Will I ever smile again? I hope so.
Do you really think you know your family members/loved ones?
- Thread starter fuzzybuddy
- Start date
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
No one is worth never smiling again. Just move forward, life is too short. Take chances, trust but verify.
Yes, they do.
No.
Same here. But now I am suffering from trust issues and I don't know how these last few years of my life are going to play out. Will I ever smile again? I hope so.
Thank you. I know you're right. I'm just afraid the water might be too cold and just the thought of it makes me shiver. "Trust but verify" seems like good advice.
WheatenLover
Senior Member
- Location
- Georgia
I have trust issues, so my motto is "actions speak louder than words". I have to know someone for awhile, watching their actions, before I trust them. Sometimes it leads to me trusting them to do negative things (like gossip or lie or steal), but it usually works out. "Awhile" has been known to last for a couple of years.Thank you. I know you're right. I'm just afraid the water might be too cold and just the thought of it makes me shiver. "Trust but verify" seems like good advice.
In the meantime, I mostly just talk about whatever I wouldn't mind showing up on the front page of a newspaper. I don't reveal anything that is important to me. I dump the ones who do negative things on a regular basis (except for stealing - those folks are gone immediately).
And I rarely fully trusted anyone with my dogs (now deceased -- the dogs, I mean). I fully trusted one vet with my dogs, and never allowed anyone outside my immediate family to take care of them - well, except for one groomer, who was not only fully trustworthy, but stayed at our house with our dog while our family went on an office and house scouting trip to PA.
That groomer was not someone that some people, like my late husband, would get to the point of trusting, on their own. The first time DH met the groomer, he left the dog, and came straight home in a tizzy. How could you (me) let someone like that groom our dog; how could you leave the dog with him?
The groomer had orange and black hair (it was Halloween and his hair color changed with holidays and seasons and whims), multiple piercings and tattoos. He was 6'4" and built like what I imagined a tree logger would look like. He was one of the most honest, hardworking, animal loving, interesting, and open person I've ever met. My DH eventually realized the groomer wasn't a threat to us or our dog, hence he agreed to hire the groomer to take care of the dog while we were in PA.
Meanwhile, I'd had an eye-opening experience a couple of decades earlier. I was in line at a CVS, a long and slow-moving line, in front of a big guy with impressive dreadlocks. Now, I'd never met anyone with dreads before, so I said hi, and we got to talking. He was so nice. I realized that my initially being a bit scared of him was ridiculous. After that, I liked talking to people who don't fit the status quo, and lo and behold, it's always been fun and interesting. Every time. There simply is no reason to be skittish around people who appear to be very different from me. I know plenty of people who are skittish, and they are missing out on the wonderful tapestry of human life.
Yes, I know the paragraph above has nothing to do with trust, but it kind of took on a life of it's own after discussing the groomer.
My life's journey is going in the opposite direction. I was trusting for many decades but today I trust no one. I see liars and cheaters everywhere. And it's not my imagination - they really are liars and cheaters.
WheatenLover
Senior Member
- Location
- Georgia
As I matured, I realized that everybody lies. It's part of being human, so that includes you and me. Sometimes we lie to ourselves (and often don't realize it - like being in denial), sometimes we lie to others (white lies included). Really big lies that effect one's personal life, income, assets, relationships, in a negative way, are really bad.
Lying in court, under oath, is really bad.
What do you mean by cheating? If a cashier gives me too much change, and I don't return the excess, I consider that cheating. If someone cheats at bridge (card game), which I have never seen anyone do, that would make me really angry. If someone cheats (and lies) at a job, like by telling the boss they did the work, when I did it ... well, that happened, and I immediately stood up for myself, and won the credibility sweepstakes.
I figure I take my chances on being cheated if I buy a used item from someone and it turns out to be broken ... OTOH, I don't buy cars without having them checked out by a mechanic, and I don't buy household appliances that are used just because I don't want to take the chance of an expensive repair bill.
There are liars and cheaters everywhere ... peppered throughout the population. Some do it on a tiny scale (white lies, not returning excess change given), all the way up to those who do it on a Very Large Scale (Bernie Madoff, the Gambino Family). It's probably a Bell curve, although I'm no expert.
I wonder if you were betrayed in an important way and it came out of left field, something you never in a million years would have thought would happen and engineered by someone you 100% trusted. That has happened to me.
No matter what is the cause, I sense (perhaps wrongly) that you were hurt to the core by it. I know I was. And yes, the experiences have effected me to this day. I have forgiven the people involved. One situation was major, and the other was minor in the grand scheme of things. Note that forgiveness is for the person doing the forgiving. It doesn't mean you will let that person have their way with you, so to speak, ever again.
Oldeagle66
Senior Member
Actually we never completely know anyone. We are constantly evolving, attitudes, likes, dislikes, emotions and personality. People tell themselves that for comfort and to avoid distasteful things.
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RadishRose
SF VIP
- Location
- Connecticut, USA
I know as much as they want me to know....give or take a few things.
Nathan
SF VIP
- Location
- High Desert- Calif.
Everyone has a public persona, a projection of how they want to be perceived.
Everyone has a private, hidden component to their psyche, loved ones don't always(if ever) get much of a glimpse of that.
Everyone has a private, hidden component to their psyche, loved ones don't always(if ever) get much of a glimpse of that.
My wife with another man and last week the optometrist tried to cheat me out of new frames. I say he tried but I could see what he was up to and I stopped him in his tracks. Maybe I shouldn't put it that way because my new glasses should have been ready yesterday and here it is now 2 days later and I still haven't got them.
Very much, yes.
Deeply.
