Do you stick like glue to your spouse

H

Happy Retiree

Member
Location
Canada
I had a friend who would not go anywhere without her husband. At work, (we worked together), her husband would pick her up everyday and they would kiss and as they would leave, they would hold hands.

I was kind of jealous, my hubby, first off, I hope hubby's on time and then it's like, ok, get in fast so that he doesn't miss something on tv. 🙄 Oh, and at work, she and her husband would call each other like 4 times a day.

When we both retired, I thought we could get together and do stuff. Nope, the only times we got together was at a Starbucks near her house and then her husband would pick her up. She lived 15 minutes away walking distance from the Starbucks.

When I asked her the first time to go to a craft fair with me, she said she was going with her husband. Then I asked about going to a museum and she said she would love to but she is so busy with Ken, her children and grandchildren.

I thought well maybe it's me and she doesn't want to be friends outside of work. However, she actually told me she had no friends because they are a large family and everything is done with family and of course, Ken, her husband.

I love my hubby, but I need some alone time. And I don't have any children or grandchildren, so I do have more time for myself. Doesn't everyone need some alone time?
 

Not at all. In fact, the way we've been able to thrive over 30 years together is that we are both very independent. I'm retired, but he is still working. We watch TV together at night and have conversations about various topics. When he has a day off, we have lunch together but then I do my own thing so he can enjoy his down time. We've both traveled independently.

Our lack of reliance worked well over the years because I traveled extensively during my career. It would never have worked if we were co-dependent. I can't imagine being as attached as you've described.
 
When I worked at my last job, we had a female worker whose husband would park in the lot and wait (12 hour shift) till she came out. The manager told her he couldn't be on property as other females were leery of such.

She walked out that night.

My neighbors at safe park (who moved back to CA, were reversed. She'd stay in car while he worked, but when told "Nope, not allowed" he then had to leave her at safe park.

Sometimes, it's not the culture, it's the couples that are crazy!!🤪🤪
 
Happy Retiree said:
I had a friend who would not go anywhere without her husband. At work, (we worked together), her husband would pick her up everyday and they would kiss and as they would leave, they would hold hands.

I was kind of jealous, my hubby, first off, I hope hubby's on time and then it's like, ok, get in fast so that he doesn't miss something on tv. 🙄 Oh, and at work, she and her husband would call each other like 4 times a day.

When we both retired, I thought we could get together and do stuff. Nope, the only times we got together was at a Starbucks near her house and then her husband would pick her up. She lived 15 minutes away walking distance from the Starbucks.

When I asked her the first time to go to a craft fair with me, she said she was going with her husband. Then I asked about going to a museum and she said she would love to but she is so busy with Ken, her children and grandchildren.

I thought well maybe it's me and she doesn't want to be friends outside of work. However, she actually told me she had no friends because they are a large family and everything is done with family and of course, Ken, her husband.

I love my hubby, but I need some alone time. And I don't have any children or grandchildren, so I do have more time for myself. Doesn't everyone need some alone time?
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Aawww that's so sweet! Her hubby is her best friend. :love: I love being with my hubby, there's just something about his presence that calms and soothes me. I don't know what it is. All I have to do is be near him and my mood improves. I felt that the moment I met him! I don't have to be with him every single minute, but I wouldn't mind if I were. :love: It's like he gives off some kind of chemical reaction that I need. He is the sweetest man in the world. Just looking at him makes me feel better/good. So I can understand your friend who wants to be with her hubby all the time. :love:
 
Each to their own, as long as it suits the couple concerned and one of them is not forcing the situation on the other

Personally I would find a relationship like that suffocating, it’s nice to be close, although I imagine conversation is quite limited if you do everything together
 
I don’t want to comment directly regarding your friend, but for me in a relationship, I would find this too stifling. I would be concerned for both of us.

If I’m outside of a relationship with a partner, say with a best friend, I can’t imagine me wanting to spend all or most of my time away from work with my best & closest friend, even if he was able to provide that time. It wouldn’t feel healthy to me. I would want some independent & away time for my own development.

I would want the same if I was in a relationship with a partner, & I would want the same for her. Spending time apart from a partner helps both partners to become somewhat self-sufficient. And that might be important depending on what happens in the future. I would want to make sure that any partner of mine is self-sufficient. I also see personal growth as an important thing, both for me and for a partner.

When anyone spends time together, regardless of whom they are or what their relationship is, too much time can become strained. Some type of absence can make the heart grow fonder. It can rejuvenate a person, and the relationship (and it doesn’t have to be days or weeks apart, just a few hours). So that when they come back together communication might be improved or healthily maintained.

Plus I wouldn’t want a partner, who because I’ve spent so much (too much?) time with, then becomes too predictable. For me I would start to lose interest. But that’s just me.
 
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She is making it harder for herself if he passes before she does. It's hard enough when we have our "me time" but this would make it harder for me if I had been that type. But, it may feel good for him if she passes before he does. He might be able to get a breath of fresh air again without her clinging.
 
I think my marriage is the other extreme. We've been married for 43 years. In that time he called me at work, once, and I called him at work, once.

Now that we're retired we see even less of eachother than when we both worked. He is off doing his volunteer job four days a week 7 to 3. He comes home and naps until dinner time, then goes out to the bars until sometime after midnight. I'm always asleep by then so I'm not sure when he gets in.

I do my own thing, and go out to lunch with friends whenever I feel like it. One friend is male and can't drive so I pick him up for lunch and our club meetings.

Hubs and I do spend Friday daytime together, going shopping and to lunch together. Sundays we go to different churches.

I do wish we had more common interests, but this is fine for now.
 
I was born & raised in a big city area where not only were married couples pretty independent of each other, it wasn't rare for there to be out and out "open" marriages. I remember in my early 20s hearing a middle-aged woman saying that this old-fashioned worship of the family here in the U.S. was getting out of hand. Now I'm living in an oldfashioned, traditional, religious area where most of the married couples are as your friend's, people literally saying they don't even care about friends because they have large families and husbands. (Until the husband dies first; then she's a lonely widow who wrapped her whole life around husband and kids and now no one has time for her, not like they used to anyway). I think a balance between the 2 extremes would be better, for me anyway, but you get what's prevalent where you live.
 
My husband was too much like me for me to have spent that much time with him. Dealing with one of me was/is hard enough. He was a truck driver so it worked out well for us.

Both my sons married into tribal type families. My oldest works far away from home and comes home on weekends. My youngest complains about dealing with the wife's family. Something like that would drive me nuts too. My husband's ex-wives had the idea they could come and go as they pleased. Can you imagine? We weren't no tribe and single-unit me drove them out early on. Ugh, the people here. :rolleyes: Go build your freeloading empire somewhere else. Sorry for going off topic. Blah.
 
My husband and I don’t spend any time together and it really bothers me. I don’t want to be joined at the hip like some of the couples mentioned but I would like to spend a little time each day at least talking.
I don’t think he can stand to be around me and it hurts. I’ve asked him this but he doesn’t answer.
The funny thing is that we enjoy a lot of the same things. For instance, we both love the outdoors and wildlife photography. At this very moment, my husband is out in the woods with his camera. I have things I must do at home in the morning that are time sensitive so I can’t go yet. When he comes home, I will go out. He won’t wait for me.
When he gets home, he goes to his room and spends the rest of the day there. He even takes his meals there. This all started when Covid began. Before Covid, I was very active outside of the house with girlfriends every day so I guess he didn’t have to hide in his room.
We don’t even talk. If I have to tell him something, I must text him. It’s really an awful way to live.
 
my hubby and i have always done everything together , we are both 2nd marriages , ( 37 yrs married now )so we knew what we were going into this time round , and we both wanted the same things , our hobbies were the same , and we just jelled.....
he is and still is my best mate , confidant , and best listener, never judges , or is opinionated .....
and as you know, ive been his shadow carer, for the past 11yrs now since his stroke.....and hes still my councillor, he listens, when im down , and finding it hard , and he still makes me laugh .........,(my soul mate )....
i am his limbs ......
 
Wren said:
Each to their own, as long as it suits the couple concerned and one of them is not forcing the situation on the other

Personally I would find a relationship like that suffocating, it’s nice to be close, although I imagine conversation is quite limited if you do everything together
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lol we never stop talking wren.....conversation never dries up with us, which is weird as we never see anyone or go anywhere !!
 
Marian said:
My husband and I don’t spend any time together and it really bothers me. I don’t want to be joined at the hip like some of the couples mentioned but I would like to spend a little time each day at least talking.
I don’t think he can stand to be around me and it hurts. I’ve asked him this but he doesn’t answer.
The funny thing is that we enjoy a lot of the same things. For instance, we both love the outdoors and wildlife photography. At this very moment, my husband is out in the woods with his camera. I have things I must do at home in the morning that are time sensitive so I can’t go yet. When he comes home, I will go out. He won’t wait for me.
When he gets home, he goes to his room and spends the rest of the day there. He even takes his meals there. This all started when Covid began. Before Covid, I was very active outside of the house with girlfriends every day so I guess he didn’t have to hide in his room.
We don’t even talk. If I have to tell him something, I must text him. It’s really an awful way to live.
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I have never been married, so maybe I should stay out of this, but just an opinion would be that the relationship your husband and you have is not a marriage. In fact, it’s not even a relationship. You two should have a serious conversation and counseling if both of you agree. Whatever you decide, you need to do something and soon. I wish you success with whatever you decide.
 
My wife and I are both on second marriages and have been together 24 years. Neither of us has children. She has been retired for about 12 years from a career in interior design. I have just recently retired. We spend most of the day apart. We sometimes have lunch together. We tend to meet up in the early evening, similar to when I was working. One feature she insisted upon when we first met was that we have separate bathrooms. It was something she always advised her clients, and to the best of her knowledge none of them ever regretted the advice.

We had neighbors several years ago who had been married for many years. She had retired years earlier. Several months after he retired, we stopped seeing him. My wife was talking to her one day and she said they were getting divorced. After he retired he would follow her around and always wanted to go every she went. She said it was driving her nuts and she couldn't do it any longer. So they called it quits.
 
oldlongwalker said:
My wife and I are both on second marriages and have been together 24 years. Neither of us has children. She has been retired for about 12 years from a career in interior design. I have just recently retired. We spend most of the day apart. We sometimes have lunch together. We tend to meet up in the early evening, similar to when I was working. One feature she insisted upon when we first met was that we have separate bathrooms. It was something she always advised her clients, and to the best of her knowledge none of them ever regretted the advice.

We had neighbors several years ago who had been married for many years. She had retired years earlier. Several months after he retired, we stopped seeing him. My wife was talking to her one day and she said they were getting divorced. After he retired he would follow her around and always wanted to go every she went. She said it was driving her nuts and she couldn't do it any longer. So they called it quits.
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i really dont understand , why these people get married, when they cant stand being with them or being apart of their life .....
i would never live with anyone that got on my nerves , or drove me mad with habits etc....i would prefer to be on my own....
 
Marian said:
My husband and I don’t spend any time together and it really bothers me. I don’t want to be joined at the hip like some of the couples mentioned but I would like to spend a little time each day at least talking.
I don’t think he can stand to be around me and it hurts. I’ve asked him this but he doesn’t answer.
The funny thing is that we enjoy a lot of the same things. For instance, we both love the outdoors and wildlife photography. At this very moment, my husband is out in the woods with his camera. I have things I must do at home in the morning that are time sensitive so I can’t go yet. When he comes home, I will go out. He won’t wait for me.
When he gets home, he goes to his room and spends the rest of the day there. He even takes his meals there. This all started when Covid began. Before Covid, I was very active outside of the house with girlfriends every day so I guess he didn’t have to hide in his room.
We don’t even talk. If I have to tell him something, I must text him. It’s really an awful way to live.
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can i ask you , why are you still together ?
 

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