Do you tend to be self-conscious?

Ronni

Ronni

Well-known Member
Location
Nashville TN
The question is I guess an offshoot of a response I made on a recent thread about being single and living alone. I'd mentioned there that in social situations I'm often the one to speak up and get things rolling when there are awkward silences.

I used to be very self conscious, wondering what others thought about me, feeling like all eyes were upon me in any situation, just being overly concerned about my own actions and appearance, especially as it related to others forming negative opinions and judgments of me. When I was in my abusive marriage I was a shy timid mouse, always afraid of saying the wrong thing and bringing down my husband's wrath and disgust upon me. A lot of therapy and dancing and running my own business later, and I'm a very different person now. Age has also helped. I am confident and self assured now in a way I never was even before my marriage.

I have no problem breaking an awkward silence, going up to folks I don't know and introducing myself, being the first person to enter a room, being the only one on the dance floor....in other words, being in situations where I bring attention to myself momentarily. I don't mean that I SEEK attention, because that's just not the truth. I don't. I just don't mind drawing attention to myself momentarily in order to solve a bigger problem.

I joke all the time about how my "give a damn" is broken. It broke somewhere along the way and I'm a much happier person because of it! 🤣🤣🤣

What about you? Are you self conscious? All the time, just in certain situations, what?
 

yes a lot of the time in real life... I'm a Brit, we do tend to be much more self conscious than Americans...

Question Ronni, did you find that as an Australian you became much more confident once you'd lived in the uSA for a while ?
 
hollydolly said:
yes a lot of the time in real life... I'm a Brit, we do tend to be much more self conscious than Americans...

Question Ronni, did you find that as an Australian you became much more confident once you'd lived in the uSA for a while ?
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No @hollydolly. I was intimidated with how different the US was and felt out of my depth for a while. By the time I found my footing I was involved with the man who became my husband and he’d already begun to erode my self esteem though I didn’t recognize that for many years.
 

I remember feeling like I was NOTHING in MY abusive first marriage.
"something you scrape off the floor"
Takes a long time to be yourself again.
You have grown in the same way, Ronni!
You're a beautiful woman who deserves to SHINE!
You are now reaping the rewards of all the times you were beaten down!
You can fly again and be free again!
Isn't it great to glimpse your own unboundedness?
 
Gaer said:
I remember feeling like I was NOTHING in MY abusive first marriage.
"something you scrape off the floor"
Takes a long time to be yourself again.
You have grown in the same way, Ronni!
You're a beautiful woman who deserves to SHINE!
You are now reaping the rewards of all the times you were beaten down!
You can fly again and be free again!
Isn't it great to glimpse your own unboundedness?
Click to expand...
My first marriage was shit also gaer, but that guy never won, he was a pathetic human being , I must admit he bought the worse out In me , but it just made me more stronger , so I guess he done me a favour , as for worrying what/others think of us....I’ve always worried about that even as a kid .....
 
No. I attribute my way of being to having worked at a Italian market as a retail butcher & counter clerk. At 17 having a skill & interacting with customers built my self confidence. I've always had a curiosity about what people think & why they think the way they do. So I ask. I think that puts me in the category of outgoing.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I become aware ( rather quickly now that I am old ) of being self-conscious, and self-centered, which is about the same thing for me.
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Really curious about what you said @Paco Dennis.

Respectfully, I see self conscious and self centered as two very different things. Self centered folk tend towards arrogance and selfishness, they don’t think about others. Self conscious people on the other hand tend to be insecure in that they are focused on what others think of them and their actions.

They are almost opposites rather than being similar.
 
Ronni said:
Really curious about what you said @Paco Dennis.

Respectfully, I see self conscious and self centered as two very different things. Self centered folk tend towards arrogance and selfishness, they don’t think about others. Self conscious people on the other hand tend to be insecure in that they are focused on what others think of them and their actions.

They are almost opposites rather than being similar.
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The sense of self is what I am talking about. What happens is that something triggers us to think that something is happening to us personally and we invent "a person" that lives within us. I do not think there is a set person or soul. So whether it is something that triggers us into believing we are shy, self-conscious, or embarrassed is happening to that invented self we imagine ( it is the center of our attention ). I try not to invent that "thing", for me it gets in the way of experiencing life directly.
 
I used to be self-conscious when I was in the height of my career. It was all about appearance, youth and intellect. I needed to make sure I was entertaining in business functions. Now that I'm retired I could care less what people think of me. This is my time to shine.
 

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