Does a mother dictate the wellbeing of the family?

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
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United Kingdom
It is my old fashioned view that a good woman makes a good family and stable home. A competent, hardworking wife and mother keeps it all going in good and hard times.

We are led to think anything goes nowadays, it's hard to see what a family unit is. I just don't understand it but I think it's the way to nowhere and chaos in many cases. For me it is man, woman, children. The traditional is tried, tested and though it may not be perfect, surely it is still the best model to strive for?
 

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A "good woman", a "competent, hardworking wife and mother," staying home while the husband went to work might have worked in the past. In present times, it's difficult for young families to live solely on one income. Perhaps some women would like to be “organizing the house, the kids, the cooking, and managing the home”, but they don't have that choice. They must work outside the home in addition to those duties because that income is needed to support the family. These days, home chores are often shared by both working spouses.

Even if a couple can afford for the wife to stay home, she might choose not to because she enjoys having a career and wouldn't be content being at home. Sometimes, when one income is all that's needed, a "good woman", a "competent, hardworking wife and mother" carries the outside workload, and the husband runs the household.

What's most important is that everyone in the family is loved and cared for. It's not up to me to judge the way couples choose to live or how they decide to work out their lives. It's not one size fits all. The traditional way isn't necessarily the best way. The best way is what works for them.
 
Almost by definition, the traditional family is what you are used to. I don't know that any other format is better, worse, or just the same. I do think families should set their own goals and make their own decisions, at least as long as no harm is done. But I'm almost 100% certain than an nontraditional family can be a very good environment. It depends on the people involved not the format.
 

In early biblical times as well as up to the 50's and 60's, there were fewer options for women to work outside of the home but some women like Lydia in the New Testament Book of Acts were successful businesswomen. Lydia sold luxury textiles dyed purple. It was only the wealthy who wore garments dyed purple or had purple furnishings in their homes.

So even though the biblical teachings mention women being solely homemakers, it should not be construed to mean that it was their only option. Sometimes hired help filled in the gaps for household duties when necessary. More opportunities opened up in the 60's.

The challenge is in the balancing of it all. I think it's healthy for children to see their mother working. The mother is a role model as well as the man...hopefully good role models.
 
I am open to opinions other than my own. I have no idea on how today's youth will handle their roles in the future. I know it will depend on many factors, mostly to do with one's personal finances. Whatever, it will be their future, not mine. I can only wonder. And hope.
 
Pepper said:
... I have no idea on how today's youth will handle their roles in the future....Whatever, it will be their future, not mine.
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The future is here....and it's not looking good for the younger generation...unless they get over a million "Likes" on social media.
They're the next "1 percenters". But what about their moral values unless they lucked out when growing up and got an awesome Nanny and school teachers.
 
Murrmurr said:
I believe that it is.

Seems to me families started falling apart when one income wasn't enough to live on. There's absolutely nothing wrong with a woman wanting a career, but motherhood is a career, too. When you try to manage two careers concurrently, both suffer.
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It depends on the family. I know plenty of families that function very well with two working parents. You know, both partners might not have careers. One partner might have a career, and the other has a job or a part-time job for supplemental income.

I agree; there's nothing wrong with a woman wanting a career or job outside the home, or wanting to have a career as a full-time stay-at-home mother. It's great if a couple can support their family on one income, but that's not generally the way it is; both must work. Success depends on working it out as a family. Some families manage to work it out and flourish; others don't. If they can't work it out, that's when they suffer.

Who am I to say what people can manage or what's best for them? I'm not living their lives.
 
I think we imagine what kind of Mother we want to be. You know, before we actually have the tykes and reality sets in.
It is very hard to attain that perfect parent status.
I think, talking about Mothers but not excluding Fathers, as long as you try your very best, the kids will turn out ok.
We've all heard that they don't come with a manual and not everyone is lucky enough to have great role models to teach them great parental skills. Try and try. That's all.
As far as Mother dictating the wellbeing of the family, many single Mothers do just that! Unfortunately, there are too many single parent families and kids aren't getting the benefit of two sets of skills.
 
I think it's best for very young (under five) children if one parent stays home to raise them. Most child psychologists agree that there just isn't enough devoted attention for a three year old in a daycare environment.

Many of the couples who say they both have to work outside the home to make ends meet are really just saying they can't have the type of house or number of cars they want unless both parents work. Quite often the cost of daycare, higher taxes, and transportation to and from the job, mean that working away from home is actually costing more than if one person stayed home.

I saw my mother working every day. Cooking, cleaning, sewing, growing a garden and being there for us every minute of the day. I didn't have to see her put on a suit and go out to earn a paycheck in order to have respect for her. I don't judge a person's worth by how much money they earn and I don't think the proof of how good a parent someone was is determined by how much money their grown children earn.
 
Jules said:
No matter what the family makeup, it all depends on their participation. There‘s no one plan that fits all.
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There is, though. The plan that fits all families includes a mother and a father.

They can be the same sex, they can work outside the home in alternate shifts, they can switch up traditional roles; he cooks and cleans, she fixes leaky pipes and hammers in nails; none of that matters. But for children to be healthy, happy, curious, confident kids who grow up to be responsible, productive, likeable people, the plan is you grow up with two parents, ideally, a nurturer and an instructor, doing their best to cultivate all that in you.

That's why choosing the right partner is absolutely crucial. If you plan to raise some decent adults, that is. I certainly don't condone sticking with someone who's abusive or terminally lazy, self-centered, or self-destructive, especially if you have kids. If you've made that mistake, get out asap and take the kids with you.

I was a single parent, and that wasn't ideal, but it was 100% better than trying to make a shyte marriage work and making my kids watch their mother self-destruct. Fortunately for them, my mom, my gramma, and my aunts were all "good women," and a big part of their lives.
 
Where I grew up, starting when I was in my teens (i.e., a million years ago), both parents really did have to work outside the home or you really couldn't afford a house at all. Now I hear that in that area people making almost $100,000 a year are living in their cars or commuting 4 hours in each direction...seriously.

Annnd then there are families such as mine that even before the financial situation for most required both parents to work outside the home, my mother and stepmothers had to bring home a paycheck to help Dad pay for his mistresses.
 
Murrmurr said:
That's why choosing the right partner is absolutely crucial. If you plan to raise some decent adults, that is. I certainly don't condone sticking with someone who's abusive or terminally lazy, self-centered, or self-destructive, especially if you have kids. If you've made that mistake, get out asap and take the kids with you.
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Many of us get this wrong, including me.
 
Rose65 said:
It is my old fashioned view that a good woman makes a good family and stable home. A competent, hardworking wife and mother keeps it all going in good and hard times.

We are led to think anything goes nowadays, it's hard to see what a family unit is. I just don't understand it but I think it's the way to nowhere and chaos in many cases. For me it is man, woman, children. The traditional is tried, tested and though it may not be perfect, surely it is still the best model to strive for?
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I agree!
 
I was one of the Mom's who worked full time. I did all the chores of the home, cooking, cleaning, yard work and making sure our son had everything he needed to become a well rounded individual. My husband worked so hard, even two jobs to make sure we were able to afford a home, pay for all the extras, soccer, music lessons (trumpet) and band expenses.

My job gave us good health insurance and kept me close to home so I could get the son to all his activities. As long as both parties are willing to do what it takes to give a child or children the best life we can nothing else matters.

No, we, the parents did not have everything we wanted but we had what we needed. A stable, safe, loving home life to raise a child.

Even after my husband got sick we did everything we could to not let it change for our son. My husband died way too soon but we had worked hard, planned well, saved. The son was still able to go to college at a good school without the need for student loans. I am still in the family home that is paid off, I do not have to worry about finances.

It is important to me that I have done my best to teach my son the things he needs to do to make sure that his family is taken care of if the worst happens. They both have 401Ks, they both have life insurance, they have emergency funds for job loss and home/car maintenance.
 
Jules said:
Many of us get this wrong, including me.
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And there was a time, a very long time when couples were intensely encouraged to stay together, usually "for the children." But, obviously, there are circumstances when it's best for the children if their parents separate. Abuse, for sure, but even if the parents just constantly bicker, can't agree on anything, one has an addiction, one's habitually unfaithful, or refuses to work - in those situations kids can become fearful and insecure, lack confidence, have anger issues, can't concentrate at school, and that cripples their ability to grow up to be good, reliable people who like themselves.

I worried every day that I was gonna mess my kids up. It was always in my mind they were eventually going to be adults, and I wanted them to be decent adults and I raised them with that goal in mind.

It's a shaky business and I made mistakes, I surely did. But you just keep at it and stay vigilant bc a lot can go wrong. Like, hell yes, I chose their friends sometimes; weeded out the bad ones. Damn straight, I didn't let my daughter date this loser or that weirdo. And of course they didn't like it at the time....especially my daughter.

Unmerciful Lord, my little Maud was one tough nut. Hard-headed, stubborn, and SO freaking emotional. That little girl almost broke me, I swear. But when she was raising a teenaged daughter, who was a lot like her, guess whose tactics she used? And her daughter is amazing! But Maud was and is a wonderful mom. I really admire her.
 
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