Does anyone consider divorce after 70???

Colleen

Colleen

Senior Member
Location
Pennsylvania
I'm asking this question because I'm curious if anyone has considered, or actually gotten, a divorce late in life. If you have, what would you consider are important factors to consider? I would think money would be the major factor.
 

Part of me would say "why bother". If you have stayed married into your 70's, seems you can overcome everything. But then again, nothing much would surprise me these days. We are only in our mid 60's now, and I do understand that at some point, one of us will have to be moving on to a new life, but I am hoping it is because we reached the "til death do us part" phase of our marriage.
 
OMG, this is funny, (not laughable, but just an expression), my wife and I were just speaking yesterday about a friend of her's that just recently divorced. My wife is a retired professor from a major university here on the east coast and her friend divorced her husband last year for trying to kill her with antifreeze. Luckily, he did not get away with it. His lawyer put up the defense that the man was in the initial stages of Alzheimer's and had some pretty convincing doctors testify to that fact.

During the trial, the Prosecutor got cold feet as things weren't going to well for him, so he made the man a deal of attempted something or other, which he took. No jail time, but a fine and we think he had to serve 6 or 9 months of house arrest. The lady is doing well. My wife just spoke with her last week and that's what brought up the conversation.
 

I went thru a divorce in my 30's and NEVER wanted to marry again and never did. Enjoyed all my years and enjoy my quiet times and not being responsible for anyone else. That's marriage for the most part. I thought I married the best but I was so surprised...anyway didn't want to think about another "surprise".

A friend many years ago said his parents who were the bickersons divorced in their 80's and finally had peace. This friend had a wondering eye for other women, but I was never interested.

Divorce is so about Money, no matter what age, unless one is loaded with $$$$. I have plenty of friends from my early life who stayed together due to $$$$, lack of.

70 is young today and so many living into "active" 90's. I'm 80 soon and enjoy a good mind and good health.
 
Colleen said:
I'm asking this question because I'm curious if anyone has considered, or actually gotten, a divorce late in life. If you have, what would you consider are important factors to consider? I would think money would be the major factor.
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I am 74 and yes i have. I wouldn't have left if money was a factor, as i would have been much better off financially had i stayed. I suppose, as with most things, what's important would differ from person to person. For me what's most important is my happiness, peace of mind, and not putting up with abuse of any kind. Physically, emotionally or verbal! Life is too short (no matter how long we live) to be unhappy when we have other choices.
 
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I had a divorce from my second wife of 25 years at age 78. It was a very amicable non contentious divorce and we are still friends and stay in touch via email and texting. She lives closer to her daughters and grand children in another part of California and I live close to my daughter, grand children and 5 great grand children.

As far as money goes there was no problem. At the time of our marriage our assets and individual NET WORTH were almost identical. We owned several autos and homes jointly during our marriage but was able to retain our individual NET WORTH that we had when first married. Since her Medicare Supplement and Long term care was taken care of by my Retiree Benefit Plan I have continued to pay for her MEDICARE SUPPLEMENT which only seems fair.
 
I posted this joke on another thread, but it's really more appropriate over here. Apologies for posting twice.

Old couple hobbles into the divorce attorney's office. "Sonny, we want you to get us one of them dee-vorces. Can you do that?"

The attorney replies, "Certainly I can work with you on a divorce. But, first....are you sure this isn't something that can be worked out? How long have you been married?"

"It'll be 72 years come June."

The attorney exclaims, "72 YEARS? Oh my goodness, that is a long time. You've put so many years into this marriage, I would just hate to see you dissolve it now. How long have you been wanting a divorce?"

"Waal, we've been talking about it for, oh, 69 or70 years now."

"Why in the world has it taken you so long to decide to divorce?"

"We was just waitin' for the kids to die."
 
Interesting comments. Thank you.

My husband and I met in '75 and lived together for a couple years. I was divorced with a baby and he was contemplating divorcing his wife (she was a drunk) before he met me but he had 3 small children that he felt responsible for. We ended up living together later that year after I re-located to his state. Every weekend he was home (his job took him away all week) we had his kids. I had gotten a good job so I worked.

The real problems started right from the beginning with his ex. He had gotten his divorce before I re-located. She would call after the bars closed and would need him to go rescue her in some way or another. One time it was 3am and she called and was stuck in a ditch. She was drunk and he got up and helped her, took her home, and didn't come back until mid-morning. This went on for 2 years and I'd had enough. I moved out.

We went our separate ways and didn't see each other. Then his ex decided she wanted to go back to CA (that's where she was raised) and she took the kids. He followed soon after because he didn't trust her to take care of the kids. He called me and asked me to go with him. I told him I couldn't get back on that merry-go-round.

That was 1983. Then things happened in 1997 and we met again and I went back out to CA with him and we were married. I honestly didn't want to get married again but he convinced me that financially it would be to my benefit if something happened to him (he worked a very risky job).

I can't say I've been unhappy, but I can't say I've been happy either. We just kinda co-exist. We don't have anything in common. We don't enjoy the same kind of hobbies or recreation. What's exhausting for me is...I have to do everything for him. I mean EVERYTHING. He doesn't do banking or bills or taxes...none of the important things that I think married people should do. I even had to make the decision what kind of pension he should get.

He has never been good with money and he's spent most of the savings we had. He has to have new cars and the house before this one, was not something I wanted (way too expensive), but he wanted it so we got it. He is always in need of something and it's up to me to get it for him. He's definitely high maintenance and getting worse as he gets older (77).

Despite all my whining, there's one area that I dislike the most and it's actually my reason for asking this question about divorce so late in the game. For the last 4 years he's been saying abusive things to me....hurtful things that I can't get past.

My mother was verbally abusive to me and my dad so I lived with that my whole life. I finally had to say enough is enough in 2003 (I was 57) and didn't have any contact with her after that. Sadly, she passed away in 2006 but we never resolved this issue. So, when my husband says things like, "You've been the biggest disappointment in my life.".....I feel just like I did when my mother would say hurtful things like that to me. How am I supposed to deal with that?

Then, yesterday, while his son was here, I asked them to do a little project for me and he grumbled about it, and I said, jokingly, "It's not always about you.", so he came back with, "No...it's always about you." That's FAR from the truth. Since he fell 5 years ago and shattered his ankle and has to wear a brace all the time, he's "unable" to do anything like he use to. HA...it's just an excuse. He gets everyone else to do everything for him. I'm so sick of it I could scream!!

There's never been an apology from him after he says stuff, so I'm assuming he really meant them. He's all nice and sweet after he says these things...like nothing happened. He makes me feel like I'm the bad guy.

I'm just tired of it all :(
 
Colleen: Wish I had some answers. So many end up trapped in young or older lives. Once in it's hard to get out for so many. My daughter was in a tough 17 yr marriage, long story, but she's free of it and raised the children on her own with his finances, he's passed a few yrs ago...she got physically sick in the marriage.

My mother stayed in a 63 yr marriage and she did everything, he did nothing but go to work and bring home a paycheck. She prayed a LOT.

So glad I stayed single after one marriage. Hope you can find your way.
 
Hi Colleen,
Are you getting any type of counselling?
Sometimes it’s good to get an unbiased opinion from a professional who can link you to others who can help.


Here in Canada we have hotlines you can call and ask for help if you are frustrated or depressed.


Have you tried having a heart to heart with your husband? Maybe there’s something bothering him that he’s been trying to hold in but it’s been leaking out here & there


I wish you the best
 
Close friends of mine separated at age 71 after 45 yrs of marriage. Don't know details, but after about a year they reconciled. I'm glad because I really like and respect both of them.
 
Colleen said:
Interesting comments. Thank you.

My husband and I met in '75 and lived together for a couple years. I was divorced with a baby and he was contemplating divorcing his wife (she was a drunk) before he met me but he had 3 small children that he felt responsible for. We ended up living together later that year after I re-located to his state. Every weekend he was
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I think if he is verbally abusive it is time to make a change. Without peace of mind, your last years will be hell. You deserve better!
 
Colleen said:
Despite all my whining, there's one area that I dislike the most and it's actually my reason for asking this question about divorce so late in the game. For the last 4 years he's been saying abusive things to me....hurtful things that I can't get past.

My mother was verbally abusive to me and my dad so I lived with that my whole life. I finally had to say enough is enough in 2003 (I was 57) and didn't have any contact with her after that. Sadly, she passed away in 2006 but we never resolved this issue. So, when my husband says things like, "You've been the biggest disappointment in my life.".....I feel just like I did when my mother would say hurtful things like that to me. How am I supposed to deal with that?

Then, yesterday, while his son was here, I asked them to do a little project for me and he grumbled about it, and I said, jokingly, "It's not always about you.", so he came back with, "No...it's always about you." That's FAR from the truth. Since he fell 5 years ago and shattered his ankle and has to wear a brace all the time, he's "unable" to do anything like he use to. HA...it's just an excuse. He gets everyone else to do everything for him. I'm so sick of it I could scream!!

There's never been an apology from him after he says stuff, so I'm assuming he really meant them. He's all nice and sweet after he says these things...like nothing happened. He makes me feel like I'm the bad guy.

I'm just tired of it all :(
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Colleen, I'm so sorry you went through such a relationship with your mother, and then your husband, I can see very well why you're tired of it all. I've been married for over 40 years to my husband, and we lived together before that, I've been lucky that he's been loving. But, if things turned and he started to verbally abuse me like that, I'd probably divorce him. I've always felt that life is too short to live with someone who was making your life miserable and making your heart hurt, regardless of age.

I know there's a lot of details to your story that I don't know about, but you seem to be a very wise lady. If you do decide to end the relationship for good and part ways, I hope you don't suffer any bad consequences from it, financial or otherwise. I imagine you'd have to move away from him and cut all contact to be able to breathe freely again and feel some joy, even if it's just from being on your own, not having to answer to anyone or be a maid for someone who is ungrateful.

I'm sure you've been thinking about it for awhile and weighing the pros and cons, in your case I can only see good things for your future if you get away from the negativity. If you do decide to divorce, plan it well and assure a clean departure. My heart goes out to you, wishing you the best.....hugs.
 
Thanks everyone...I appreciate the support. I don't have anyone to talk to so this has been helpful to have someone listen. Still uncertain but I need to weigh some legal issues as well as emotional ones. :):)
 
I've known a lot of couples who have stayed married in spite of having a miserable marriage. A friend of mine told me he was miserable with his wife but if he left her she would get ''half'' of everything. I told him she worked since the day they got married, she deserved half of everything. He said he could not live on only his half. He had previously told me that her brother and father had died in their early 50's from bad hearts, so I bet he thought she would die early in life and he would get everything (they had no children). I divorced in mid 20's and never met a guy I wanted to marry and am glad it happened that way. Life is too short and too precious to live miserably with anyone, so get rid of the toxic person or relationship and be as happy as you can possibly be for the short time you're on this beautiful Earth. Money be damned, money can be made again or you can budget your lifestyle to make what you have enough.
 

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