PeppermintPatty
š¢. š³. š¢
- Location
- Canada
Its was in 1968, 1972, and 1976.
Domestic Violence Remains a Problem in the U.S.
- Thread starter 911
- Start date
papa tiger
Well-known Member
The Neighbors to our Grandsons parents, daughter just beat the crap out of her boyfriend while he was Driving her home from College yesterday afternoon.
USA ...
Most likely Anger Management has an intro for her future. The Police LEO told the parents he deals with what the perp does not what they were thinking.
USA ...
Most likely Anger Management has an intro for her future. The Police LEO told the parents he deals with what the perp does not what they were thinking.
jimintoronto
Well-known Member
So, the most recent incident was 48 years ago ? As I have said before, things here in Canada have changed drastically since then with regard to how domestic violence cases are prosecuted. I am sorry to hear what happened to you, in the past. Jimb.
PeppermintPatty
š¢. š³. š¢
- Location
- Canada
Yes the most recent attack happened 48 years ago. A fractured my right wrist, 2 ribs and had a broken tailbone. My wrist and ribs healed up fine. My tailbone never healed properly. Itās a constant reminder of what happened.
I have forgiven him but due to my tailbone injury, it doesnāt let me forget.
Anyway, thereās a reason why domestic violence gets shoved under the carpet. Itās the dirty little secret that sits on the victims shoulders for life.
Sometimes, I would be having a perfect evening on patrol. Then about 2 a.m., the radio would go off "Unit 1-4, 10-16 reported at 2500 Farm Lane, go Code 2 (Lights only). I would be thinking to myself, "Oh, wonderful. Some drunk is beating up on his woman" I get there and the woman is lying on the ground with blood coming out her mouth and nose and at least one eye is black.
"Were is he?" Sitting on the sofa with a beer sitting in front of him. I stand him up, cuff him and take him to jail. Before I get done with the paperwork, he's called his bail bondsman and sometimes the woman even drops the charges. A lot of wasted effort for nothing. I tell the lady that he's going to beat her again, so put his a$$ in jail, at least overnight. She says "No, we need him at home." I think to myself, "Why did you call me?" She drives to the jail, picks him up and takes the bum home. I tear up the paperwork and log the incident.
That's the way a typical call goes. Very frustrating.
"Were is he?" Sitting on the sofa with a beer sitting in front of him. I stand him up, cuff him and take him to jail. Before I get done with the paperwork, he's called his bail bondsman and sometimes the woman even drops the charges. A lot of wasted effort for nothing. I tell the lady that he's going to beat her again, so put his a$$ in jail, at least overnight. She says "No, we need him at home." I think to myself, "Why did you call me?" She drives to the jail, picks him up and takes the bum home. I tear up the paperwork and log the incident.
That's the way a typical call goes. Very frustrating.
dilettante
Well-known Member
- Location
- Michigan
Sometimes, it does become repetitious.
OneEyedDiva
SF VIP
- Location
- New Jersey
I have heard that domestic disputes can be some of the most dangerous incidences for officers to respond to. It's sad to see women stay with men who abuse them, but many feel they don't have a choice, either due to financial reasons or because they are just crazy in love with their abuser. Of course many women are brainwashed and just can't come up out of that situation. Some are afraid things would be worse for them (and maybe their children) due to threats if they dare to leave. One of the problems, at least in my area, is that there aren't enough shelters for women and children.
The statistics are astonishing and angering. I always said it's a good thing my husbands were not abusers. I'd probably be in jail now (or would have done some time, at least). @His Dudeness Re your comment "Give me 3 minutes alone with anyone who has abused a woman, child or animal and I guarantee they will never do it again." And I wouldn't be mad at ya.
The statistics are astonishing and angering. I always said it's a good thing my husbands were not abusers. I'd probably be in jail now (or would have done some time, at least). @His Dudeness Re your comment "Give me 3 minutes alone with anyone who has abused a woman, child or animal and I guarantee they will never do it again." And I wouldn't be mad at ya.
Born_To_Lose
Member
- Location
- Worldwide
Better than being a male Praying Mantis and having your head ripped off after mating, unless you're quick enough to get away before the female decides to decapitate you.
the laws vary by state in the US and one state is debating chemical castration for child rapists, while other states seem a bit lax on it.
Many charges dropped are because the Victim(s) back away and either won't press charges OR refuse to testify.
Often victims buy into the fake remorse and "i will not do it again" ....... not prosecutors.
In older couples i would suspect some can traced to the start of dementia and such.
Many charges dropped are because the Victim(s) back away and either won't press charges OR refuse to testify.
Often victims buy into the fake remorse and "i will not do it again" ....... not prosecutors.
In older couples i would suspect some can traced to the start of dementia and such.
Muskrat
Senior Member
- Location
- Mainly arizona
I hate to say itā¦but that saying āfor better or for worseā sets some folks up for a lifetime of misery. Many religions seem to treat women as lesser than.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
...but sometimes the police don't help much at all. I called the police after my husband beat me up.. they came , arrested him, and took photos of the marks on my body. 2 hours later I was horrified when suddenly there was banging on my door, and soon2bex was there on the doorstep.. the police had let him go.. and he was back , furious that I'd called the police on him.
I had all glass front door then, and in those days I had the house phone on the wall by the front door. I grabbed the receiver to call the police and he put his fist straight through frosted glass and pulled the base off the wall trying to disconnect it. The operator was telling ,me to get in another room.. and stay on the phone. I told her I couldn't get into another room, because the phone was in the hall.....
He smashed his way through the door, and hit me over the head with a vodka bottle before the police got there again and took him away...
..but by allowing him to leave the police station the first time with no restrictions, they could have been responsible for a death
Yes, Domestic Violence is still very prevalent. I've mentioned before that my hubby runs a retail store for a non-profit that has shelters for DV victims. Two are for women and one is for men. The shelter for men is comprised mostly of gay men. All three shelters are always full.
His store receives donations and DV survivors redeem vouchers for merchandise since most leave their homes with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Their shelters accept pets because many are leery of leaving their pets behind. His store has a kids' play area because many leave home with their children (if they are lucky).
He has met many survivors who have come into the store. They are typically shy and timid because of the circumstances they've endured and are extremely grateful for the assistance. He had one elderly woman come into the store because her pastor had referred her to his organization. He gave her the phone number for the help line. He said it was heartbreaking.
And it can happen to anyone. I worked with a woman who was a brilliant salesperson and she would frequently come into the office with bruises. She once came in with burns on her hands and said she had touched the stove. She always downplayed it, but eventually she had the opportunity to leave her husband and admitted to all of us what he had done.
His store receives donations and DV survivors redeem vouchers for merchandise since most leave their homes with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Their shelters accept pets because many are leery of leaving their pets behind. His store has a kids' play area because many leave home with their children (if they are lucky).
He has met many survivors who have come into the store. They are typically shy and timid because of the circumstances they've endured and are extremely grateful for the assistance. He had one elderly woman come into the store because her pastor had referred her to his organization. He gave her the phone number for the help line. He said it was heartbreaking.
And it can happen to anyone. I worked with a woman who was a brilliant salesperson and she would frequently come into the office with bruises. She once came in with burns on her hands and said she had touched the stove. She always downplayed it, but eventually she had the opportunity to leave her husband and admitted to all of us what he had done.
OneEyedDiva
SF VIP
- Location
- New Jersey
Oh HD, I didn't know you had been through all of that!!
I'm sorry you experienced that. Your story is a perfect example of why some women do wind up dead. Blessedly you did not. Yeah...rake that Mickey Frickey over the coals during the divorce proceedings.Another thing is that when women take out restraining orders, sometimes they are ignored and the men still wind up hurting or killing them.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
yes I know this only too well... my mother also was a victim of DV...Oh HD, I didn't know you had been through all of that!!
Another thing is that when women take out restraining orders, sometimes they are ignored and the men still wind up hurting or killing them.
It's not the police. The cops made the arrest, took him to "booking" to take his picture, prints and DNA. He then goes before the judge, who sets bail. The defendant is allowed to call his lawyer and bail bondsman. The only time this does not apply is if the beating is so egregious that the victim's life is in danger due to using a weapon, choking or a severe beating that could endanger the victim's life, Those types of assaults would allow the judge to have more latitude to up the charges and jail the bum.
Sometimes, the victim fails to sign the complaint or drops the charges before the police even finishes the bum's booking. This happens quite often. The victim will tell the cops to just tell him "to stay away from me."
Here in the U.S., if the bum makes bail, 99 times out of a 100, the judge will warn the defendant (scumbag) not to have contact with his victim or go near her property. Failure to abide by the Court's judgment will result in arresting the defendant and charging him with contempt. In this case, the defendant will be placed in jail and wait on the judge to hear him again. This could take up to 72 hours later.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
It's not the police. The cops made the arrest, took him to "booking" to take his picture, prints and DNA. He then goes before the judge, who sets bail. The defendant is allowed to call his lawyer and bail bondsman. The only time this does not apply is if the beating is so egregious that the victim's life is in danger due to using a weapon, choking or a severe beating that could endanger the victim's life, Those types of assaults would allow the judge to have more latitude to up the charges and jail the bum.
No that doesn't happen here..they are booked and released and bailed to appear in court, unless they've killed someone in which they're kept in custody... they are immediately released after they've had fingerprints and photo taken. They don't go in front of a judge .. that never happens even if someone is killed..and there are no Bonds here.. and no Bondsmen..
They are told not to go near the victim, but most ignore it... and the only time that they can be stopped is when they eventually appear in court and a Judge applies an injunction.....and even then that's often ignored.
No that doesn't happen here..they are booked and released and bailed to appear in court, unless they've killed someone in which they're kept in custody... they are immediately released after they've had fingerprints and photo taken. They don't go in front of a judge .. that never happens even if someone is killed..and there are no Bonds here.. and no Bondsmen..
They are told not to go near the victim, but most ignore it... and the only time that they can be stopped is when they eventually appear in court and a Judge applies an injunction.....and even then that's often ignored.
Wh
Who sets the bail or is there a standard already set? Are all bails the same amount?
PeppermintPatty
š¢. š³. š¢
- Location
- Canada
Your husband is a wonderful person but I guess you already know that. What a great thing heās doing. You must be so proud of him.Yes, Domestic Violence is still very prevalent. I've mentioned before that my hubby runs a retail store for a non-profit that has shelters for DV victims. Two are for women and one is for men. The shelter for men is comprised mostly of gay men. All three shelters are always full.
His store receives donations and DV survivors redeem vouchers for merchandise since most leave their homes with nothing but the clothes on their backs. Their shelters accept pets because many are leery of leaving their pets behind. His store has a kids' play area because many leave home with their children (if they are lucky).
He has met many survivors who have come into the store. They are typically shy and timid because of the circumstances they've endured and are extremely grateful for the assistance. He had one elderly woman come into the store because her pastor had referred her to his organization. He gave her the phone number for the help line. He said it was heartbreaking.
And it can happen to anyone. I worked with a woman who was a brilliant salesperson and she would frequently come into the office with bruises. She once came in with burns on her hands and said she had touched the stove. She always downplayed it, but eventually she had the opportunity to leave her husband and admitted to all of us what he had done.
helenbacque
Senior Member
- Location
- Central Florida
Iāve never been able to understand the concept of āif I canāt have her, nobody willā that motivates men to commit murder often followed by suicide.
hollydolly
SF VIP
- Location
- London England
the police set the Bail.. but often people are charged but there's no bail..they're released until they are given a date to appear in court...
Here's more info..
Being charged with a crime
Is there a bail schedule set by the courts that police must follow? Surely they do not choose a random figure? How is that determined?
David777
Well-known Member
- Location
- Silicon Valley
I never experienced any DV in my moral religious family. As a small Caucasian male, I've managed to have never been physically beat up by others but have been threatened. Read through the member posts. What is not being discussed is how this was white culture societal normal decades ago too.
When I grew up, USA men were not only much more violent in all ways, but society tended to support DV being acceptable for men. One can see it in many older pre-1970s movies though many have since been quietly edited away for TV viewing, the only place most ever watch such movies. Actually if one searches the Internet, one cannot even find listings of such older movies with abuse because of societal shame. Only after about 1970s, were increasing numbers of movies showing DV negatively.
Likewise when I grew up, police routinely beat the hell out of those they arrested and didn't like. That was epidemic inside elevators at police stations. Friday night fights were a huge tv audience draw. And of course, in jails and prisons, police used put those they didn't like in cells with known large powerful physical and seksual abusing perverts that were often part of "Bubba" jokes and used to scare youth into not being criminals.
Growing up fights of school kids once off school grounds were common and many parents supported a culture of males being "manly" beating up others. A common benefit over millennia of men's wars was for participating soldiers to pillage, rape younger women, take children for slaves, and kill all others, a benefit of of warmongers. In fact in some third world countries that is still the culture.
When I went into the military during the Viet Nam War, for the first time I met plenty of men from other parts of the country, especially those of other ethnic groups that were very violent. And such men tended to be worse when alcohol drunk in that era when alcohol abuse was dominant. Of course beyond the USA, much of this was more culturally entrenched and media wise lasted longer into the current era.
As the below article relates, today DV varies greatly by ethnicity and age but what these articles are ashamed to report is how all ethnicities were in just recent decades, once like that.
How Women of Color Are Impacted by Domestic Violence
As I've related occasionally on this board, society has moved too far to the left regarding punishment of law breakers. IMO society needs to embrace some levels of public corporal punishment but now with transparency, that ought be resurrected because that is an effective way to control numbers of men that are little deterred by mere imprisonment or fines. The fact criminal organizations use such speaks to its effectiveness.
When I grew up, USA men were not only much more violent in all ways, but society tended to support DV being acceptable for men. One can see it in many older pre-1970s movies though many have since been quietly edited away for TV viewing, the only place most ever watch such movies. Actually if one searches the Internet, one cannot even find listings of such older movies with abuse because of societal shame. Only after about 1970s, were increasing numbers of movies showing DV negatively.
Likewise when I grew up, police routinely beat the hell out of those they arrested and didn't like. That was epidemic inside elevators at police stations. Friday night fights were a huge tv audience draw. And of course, in jails and prisons, police used put those they didn't like in cells with known large powerful physical and seksual abusing perverts that were often part of "Bubba" jokes and used to scare youth into not being criminals.
Growing up fights of school kids once off school grounds were common and many parents supported a culture of males being "manly" beating up others. A common benefit over millennia of men's wars was for participating soldiers to pillage, rape younger women, take children for slaves, and kill all others, a benefit of of warmongers. In fact in some third world countries that is still the culture.
When I went into the military during the Viet Nam War, for the first time I met plenty of men from other parts of the country, especially those of other ethnic groups that were very violent. And such men tended to be worse when alcohol drunk in that era when alcohol abuse was dominant. Of course beyond the USA, much of this was more culturally entrenched and media wise lasted longer into the current era.
As the below article relates, today DV varies greatly by ethnicity and age but what these articles are ashamed to report is how all ethnicities were in just recent decades, once like that.
How Women of Color Are Impacted by Domestic Violence
As I've related occasionally on this board, society has moved too far to the left regarding punishment of law breakers. IMO society needs to embrace some levels of public corporal punishment but now with transparency, that ought be resurrected because that is an effective way to control numbers of men that are little deterred by mere imprisonment or fines. The fact criminal organizations use such speaks to its effectiveness.
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