Dreaded Alzheimer's

1955

1955

Member
My friends wife is suffering late stage dementia/Alzheimer's where her short term memory is pretty much gone. We both know the progression of this disease having lost a mutual friend to it. I spent a couple of hours with him today & I wish there was some way to help console his frustration. I was helping him fix some equipment, which in a way gets his mind off the subject, but invariably his frustration comes bubbling out. He knows there is nothing anybody can do so I find myself not knowing what to say. I offer to wife sit or make any errands but I’m unsure if offering up my experiences dealing with difficult times would be helpful.

Would appreciate any words of wisdom – thanks.
 

I have not dealt with this actual situation , but I have actual dealt with when I was dealing with my treatments for both Breast Cancer and Non -Hodgkin's Lymphoma my friends would ask my son if they could come and sit with me during my times where I was not feeling well at all. I welcomed it tremendously and looked forward to the company. I just looked forward to having positive and upbeat people around and maybe if you do go sit with your friend that is what you offer. Nothing more than just that. Just be there to lighten the spirit up. A change of pace with a different person around. Now like I said I have never dealt with Dementia/Alzheimer's so I am not sure if this approach will work like it worked for me.
 
1955 said:
My friends wife is suffering late stage dementia/Alzheimer's where her short term memory is pretty much gone. We both know the progression of this disease having lost a mutual friend to it. I spent a couple of hours with him today & I wish there was some way to help console his frustration. I was helping him fix some equipment, which in a way gets his mind off the subject, but invariably his frustration comes bubbling out. He knows there is nothing anybody can do so I find myself not knowing what to say. I offer to wife sit or make any errands but I’m unsure if offering up my experiences dealing with difficult times would be helpful.

Would appreciate any words of wisdom – thanks.
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I've seen what late stages of the disease can do to people. It's not nice. I assume your friend's wife has been seen by a specialist?
There are indications that Alzheimers may eventually be treatable and even reversible, and there is at least one drug, Aduhelm, on the market -- but how effective it is, or isn't, I wouldn't know. There are clinical trials of other drugs ...
https://www.nia.nih.gov/research/ongoing-AD-trials
https://www.webmd.com/alzheimers/aduhelm-what-to-know
https://www.alzdiscovery.org/
 

ElCastor said:
There are clinical trials of other drugs ...
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Thanks for the links.

It's a tough one. When you research this disease there are lots of proclamations but in reality science just does not understand it yet. The aduhelm therapy is very controversial & I believe pushed through based on profit motives.

Anyway, I’m hesitant to promote any ideas in fear of creating false hopes.

So all I can do be a friend & help maintain his strength to get through this. His wife is also my friend and helped me get through my divorce years ago. When together we can still reminisce about things years ago but she has no idea what going on now & has a very low attention span.

I like to joke about difficult situations but in this case it’s just too sad & seems inappropriate.
 
Well you can no longer be there for your friend , his wife, because she can't communicate with you as she once did, bless her poor mind... but you can certainly be there for your friend, as you always have, and maybe spend a little more time with him. The sheer emotional weight he must be carrying , will be lightened greatly if he knows he's got a friend or friends who come and just have a laugh and a joke with him, and even lend an ear when he needs one...
 
You just have to be there for your friend ….and guide them as much as possible …
my mum looked after my dad in the late stages of my dads dementia both in their 90s


,
 
1955 said:
I offer to wife sit or make any errands but I’m unsure if offering up my experiences dealing with difficult times would be helpful.
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That‘s great that if you could give him a break. JMO, don’t offer up any stories of what has happened to any others.
 
My mom's friend is younger than her husband, and her husband, in his mid-80s, has Alzheimers. Every day, she takes him for a ride, and they visit their friends. And when she comes to my mother's house she sits there with her husband and chats with my mom or helps my mom prepare coffee and serve refreshments or a meal. They're there for about an hour then they move on to the next family. This helps her cope and also helps my mom have some company. Something to think about. :)
 
@1955 Sounds like you are doing all you can. I know someone who's short term memory has deteriorated to the extent that you would struggle to have a conversation with her about present day life but she can recall the past in minute detail. When I visit, I try to ask her something about her past life and, so far without fail, she will tell me about her parents, her memories of school or going dancing and meeting her first boyfriend. She always looks so happy when she remembers the past. If your friend's wife still has a good long term memory, it might be worth a try?
 

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