Ethical non-monogamy in seniors - non-sexual

Islandgypsy said:
I understand it’s easier to ignore loneliness in old people rather than sympathize and want to help them. I understand some people see a sordid motive behind every sympathetic, loving jesture. I reread my post and still see no suggestion of ménage a trois. I titled my post “non-sexual”. And still some respond with answers to questions not asked and non-existent motives. I am Islandgypsy. Please don’t be harsh or mean to me. I wish to treat everyone with the same consideration.
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I think it was your use of the term "non-monogamy" that caused people to react. It strongly suggests something other than just having roommates.
 
No way, José!

Living as a trio, been there, done that: It doesn't stay non-sexual, for long.

If you're a couple, and then take on a roommate, one of the couple members will start coupling with the new kid in town, in fairly short order. If everyone is cool with that, I guess that's fine.
 
Islandgypsy said:
And so, we continue to not address the misery of loneliness for our senior citizens. What is the law- not to walk on all fours. What is the law- not to spill blood. What is the law- not to eat meat. But we can’t figure an effective way to deal with loneliness. And no forum member has a thought or suggestion ? Mine was shot down. Any others ??????
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RadishRose said:
Join a club, volunteer, move to a senior community with a clubhouse and activities, reach out more, get a part time job, foster a kitten, get involved with local politics, go back to school or take some fun courses, join your senior center and go to casinos, etc.
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We cannot solve other people's loneliness, but can encourage them to find people to befriend. If they're recently widowed it's going to take a while to get their footing. Sunbelt states, particularly Florida, abound with every possible incarnation of communal living.

Rose and others have it right. There are plenty of antidotes to loneliness but all require stepping into the batter's box and occasionally swinging at an incoming pitch.
 
StarSong said:
We cannot solve other people's loneliness, but can encourage them to find people to befriend. If they're recently widowed it's going to take a while to get their footing. Sunbelt states, particularly Florida, abound with every possible incarnation of communal living.

Rose and others have it right. There are plenty of antidotes to loneliness but all require stepping into the batter's box and occasionally swinging at an incoming pitch.
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But that solution can only work for those who recognize and admit their loneliness is something they have the power to correct. Should we disqualify the others from our sympathy and eagerness to act as a one world loving community ?
 
Islandgypsy said:
But that solution can only work for those who recognize and admit their loneliness is something they have the power to correct. Should we disqualify the others from our sympathy and eagerness to act as a one world loving community ?
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Then you're talking about situations beyond my expertise and probably yours, too. That's what grief counselors and therapists are for.
 
Combating loneliness is primarily a do-it-yourself job. Things, circumstances and other people can help but mature self-supporting adults should never put their happiness in someone else's hands - not even a spouse. The only exception might be one's own dependent children or parents.
 
gennie said:
Combating loneliness is primarily a do-it-yourself job. Things, circumstances and other people can help but mature self-supporting adults should never put their happiness in someone else's hands - not even a spouse. The only exception might be one's own dependent children or parents.
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I’m only suggesting we should be welcoming members of our senior society and be willing to extend a loving hand to seniors who are depressed and lonely. I see so few people willing to expose themselves to ridicule by others for reaching out. Admittedly, at 73 and living in Florida, I see more of this than many here on this site.
 
StarSong said:
Being welcoming and extending a loving hand is far different from moving them into your home.

Are people you know really ridiculed for reaching out? Can't say that's something I've seen or experienced.
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Sorry, perhaps my original post was exactly suggesting that some senior couples could buck the illogical moral police and actually think “outside the box” about being more humane. It’s a mammoth situation in senior rich Florida. I’d love to hear another viable option than ignoring them and telling them to get off their butts.
 
Bye, Bob!
property-company-guest-anniversaries-unwanted_guests-house_guests-mban1342_low.jpg
 
Keesha said:
Your ideals sound too cult like. 🥺
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Have you read this month’s “Watchtower” ??? Trying to be a loving person is abnormal for sure. Would I make sense if I admitted 12 years in federal prison for stuffing guinea pigs up gay men’s ..... followed by controlled heroin addiction withdrawal ?
 
Islandgypsy said:
But that solution can only work for those who recognize and admit their loneliness is something they have the power to correct. Should we disqualify the others from our sympathy and eagerness to act as a one world loving community ?
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Personally, I don't think it is anybody else's beeswax to decide someone else is lonely and take steps to "fix" it. There's a difference between being lonely and being alone. My response to someone who tried "fixing" my life would be "Keep your nose out of my business; if I wanted your help I would ask for it."
 
Is it possible your wife and the ladies could be friends without them moving in? Having them move in may be more than you and your wife expected and not in a good way.
 
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Islandgypsy said:
Sorry, perhaps my original post was exactly suggesting that some senior couples could buck the illogical moral police and actually think “outside the box” about being more humane. It’s a mammoth situation in senior rich Florida. I’d love to hear another viable option than ignoring them and telling them to get off their butts.
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You still haven't stated the nature of the relationship you envision between you and these other women. If it is a legit roommate arrangement, how would that be bucking "the illogical moral police?" Now, if you envision a "non-monogamous" sexual relationship between/among those upon whom you wish to impose your "humane" solution, that's a whole different kettle of fish. If you envision a simple roommate situation, why would you characterize it as "non-monogamous," which strongly implies your contemplation of a sexual relationship? You could have boarders and still be in a committed monogamous relationship with your wife.

ALSO, I find it a bit arrogant of you to decide for the women that you are the solution to their problems. It is also quite disrespectful and dismissive of older/widowed women to assume that they need a man or a non-monogamous relationship to set their lives right.
 
Butterfly said:
You still haven't stated the nature of the relationship you envision between you and these other women. If it is a legit roommate arrangement, how would that be bucking "the illogical moral police?" Now, if you envision a "non-monogamous" sexual relationship between/among those upon whom you wish to impose your "humane" solution, that's a whole different kettle of fish. If you envision a simple roommate situation, why would you characterize it as "non-monogamous," which strongly implies your contemplation of a sexual relationship? You could have boarders and still be in a committed monogamous relationship with your wife.

ALSO, I find it a bit arrogant of you to decide for the women that you are the solution to their problems. It is also quite disrespectful and dismissive of older/widowed women to assume that they need a man or a non-monogamous relationship to set their lives right.
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I see it as a help for lonely men as well and perhaps dogs and cats. I described no arrogant solution, only offered the topic up for discussion. But clearly to me, lonely unhappy men and women seniors are people that pique my extreme sympathy. Again, only raised the topic for discussion hoping to shed some light on the magnitude of this situation as our retiree society grows. I prefer to be happy, not sad. Am I imposing my values on others by wanting them to be happy. Yes I am.
 
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