Facing "Real" Retirement -- and Scared

JimBob1952 said:
That's not really the problem. The issue as I see it is day to day spending. I don't spend much in the course of a day. My wife can think of a hundred different things to buy in an afternoon. It's been fine up to now but when we have to live on savings and SS it will have to change. That's a conversation I really dread.
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Why is discussing finances something to dread? Your wife should be aware of the cost of living the way you want to live in full retirement shouldn't she? If not then maybe the dread you have extends further than money issues.
 

How about separate bank accounts or credit cards? Separated however you like, e.g., a grocery/housekeeping account, a discretionary "hers" account.... For her credit card, you could have a limit that will cover a month's expenditures, e.g., $1000, or whatever works for the two of you.

I once lived with a man who was well off by my standards. He owned properties, a store, etc., and was preparing to retire young. Sometimes when he gave me money for groceries, he'd say, "Don't spend spend too much." I had no idea what this meant; I just spent what he gave me. Mind you, I am an experienced pennypincher, and I could have been very frugal if I knew what was going on. But he was vague, and I didn't think he'd be satisfied with poverty food. After he died, someone dropped hints about his money problems. I had no idea.

Seems to me you need a financial advisor who will tell you what I just told you (and more). Then you can tell your wife that these arrangements are in both your best interests. Or the advisor might have suggestions for how to discuss all this with your wife.

No sense just worrying about money, when there is probably a simple solution. Good luck!
 
Knight said:
Why is discussing finances something to dread? Your wife should be aware of the cost of living the way you want to live in full retirement shouldn't she? If not then maybe the dread you have extends further than money issues.
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Maybe, maybe not.
 

Pepper said:
Good idea. We have ways of finding you... :ROFLMAO:
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As you see, I edited the post for simplicity. My wife is fantastic and the last thing I want to do is get into a discussion about problems. I'm lucky she is willing to hang out with me. As SF readers know, I'm not always a day at the beach. Or maybe I am, if that day is in late January and the beach is Far Rockaway.
 
So the comment about your wife's spending wasn't meant as critical toward her but just a way of pointing out you're worried about future spending. I get that.

Have the two of you sat down and examined your past working income and spending vs your new retirement budget? Is she aware of all your financial holdings, how taxes will affect withdraws, what SS will be, health care cost? I think it's important you both have a good understanding of your finances so transparency and is a must.
 
C50 said:
Maybe the comment about your wife's spending wasn't meant as critical toward her but just a way of pointing out you're worried about future spending. I get that.

Have the two of you sat down and examined your past working income and spending vs your new retirement budget? Is she aware of all your financial holdings, how taxes will affect withdraws, what SS will be, health care cost? I think it's important you both have a good understanding of your finances so transparency and is a must.
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We share everything. We talk to the brokers together, we meet with the tax people together. She keeps the books and pays the bills. She trades stocks and options (she was once a stockbroker.) We're totally transparent with each other.

The only issue is that our monthly expenditures are X and after about July 1 of next year they will have to come down to about .75X. And the money has to come out of "walking around" money as most other expenses are fixed.
 
JimBob1952 said:
That's not really the problem. The issue as I see it is day to day spending. I don't spend much in the course of a day. My wife can think of a hundred different things to buy in an afternoon. It's been fine up to now but when we have to live on savings and SS it will have to change. That's a conversation I really dread.
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But one you certainly need to have. The sooner, the better. Hope you can iron things out. Maybe seeing the projections in black and white (written down or computer spreadsheet) will make your wife accept the reality of it.
@NorthernLight IMO, when a couple is planning retirement and the decision to see a financial advisor is made, both spouses should be present.
 
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This as a thread that has the OP dreading having a realistic conversation with his wife about spending boggles my mind.

I couldn't imagine my wife not knowing what our financial situation was/is. We began planning retirement when I was in my mid 30's. The plan was to retire early at age 55. But due to good fortune I retired at age 54. Never needed or wanted a job after I retired. 27 years into retirement our income from 2 Soc. Sec. checks, 2 pension checks, 1 traditional IRA each 1 self directed IRA each equaling 8 sources of income I don't monitor or need to dread what my wife spends.
 
Knight said:
This as a thread that has the OP dreading having a realistic conversation with his wife about spending boggles my mind.

I couldn't imagine my wife not knowing what our financial situation was/is. We began planning retirement when I was in my mid 30's. The plan was to retire early at age 55. But due to good fortune I retired at age 54. Never needed or wanted a job after I retired. 27 years into retirement our income from 2 Soc. Sec. checks, 2 pension checks, 1 traditional IRA each 1 self directed IRA each equaling 8 sources of income I don't monitor or need to dread what my wife spends.
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We also worked finances together in my marriage, and I'm glad we did. After my husband passed away, I knew exactly what we had and after years of using spreadsheets, I could plan ahead. I know of women that did not have financial knowledge after their spouses died and they had a hard time dealing with it.
 
NorthernLight said:
I apologize. I never knew the finances of my spouse or fiance. I guess I'm hopelessly old fashioned.
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No need to apologize NorthernLIght! I know and have read books and articles about women who didn't have a clue about the family finances because they "let their husbands handle it". This is a major mistake women make. It is a contributing factor to women living in poverty and an overwhelming majority are senior citizens. Other mistakes are not establishing their own credit and not having separate bank accounts. My mother, who was married for 66 years before my father passed, had a saying..."Never let a man know what you've got". That adage wound up being quite useful over the years. 🤑
 
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JimBob1952 I have a question for you. Are you feeling guilty asking your wife to make spending consessions at retirement? Are you worried that if her standard of living falls a bit she won't view you as a good provider?

I'm having trouble figuring out why you would be concerned about having a talk with her about spending. It sounds like she is financially literate, knows all your finances and expenditures, is a good wife and partner. So why the fear?

You have much praise for your wife. Have you ever considered she is aware some changes may happen and is more than happy to accommodate for you and so you can retire and enjoy yourself?
 
Knight said:
This as a thread that has the OP dreading having a realistic conversation with his wife about spending boggles my mind.

I couldn't imagine my wife not knowing what our financial situation was/is. We began planning retirement when I was in my mid 30's. The plan was to retire early at age 55. But due to good fortune I retired at age 54. Never needed or wanted a job after I retired. 27 years into retirement our income from 2 Soc. Sec. checks, 2 pension checks, 1 traditional IRA each 1 self directed IRA each equaling 8 sources of income I don't monitor or need to dread what my wife spends.
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Well good for you. Your tone is patronizing at best, and I really resent it.

We have a beautiful paid off house, 2 good SS checks and lots of money saved in many accounts, including stocks, bonds and alternative investments such as private equity and bank loans. But we also like to live well and travel extensively. And we heavily subsidize some less fortunate family members.

My wife has full insight into all expenditures and income. All I said was that we will have to make some adjustments in our day to day spending (which is very high) once we both stop working in July. Saying I dread that conversation is more or less a figure of speech.
 
JimBob1952 said:
Well good for you. Your tone is patronizing at best, and I really resent it.

We have a beautiful paid off house, 2 good SS checks and lots of money saved in many accounts, including stocks, bonds and alternative investments such as private equity and bank loans. But we also like to live well and travel extensively. And we heavily subsidize some less fortunate family members.

My wife has full insight into all expenditures and income. All I said was that we will have to make some adjustments in our day to day spending (which is very high) once we both stop working in July. Saying I dread that conversation is more or less a figure of speech.
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I'm glad you are financially comfortable and able to subsidize some less fortunate family members. Given that comfort level your dread of discussing your future financial situation with your wife didn't come off as a figure of speech. Maybe an emoji with a smiley face would have got your dread across as humor or as you put it a figure of speech.
 
Knight said:
I'm glad you are financially comfortable and able to subsidize some less fortunate family members. Given that comfort level your dread of discussing your future financial situation with your wife didn't come off as a figure of speech. Maybe an emoji with a smiley face would have got your dread across as humor or as you put it a figure of speech.
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Well, let's chalk it up to a misunderstanding and move on. I've seen your other posts and you are a solid person.

Your point is well taken in that some of my wife's friends stayed ignorant of family finances until their husbands died. Now they are dealing with straitened circumstances and a lot of stress as they come to grips with financial limitations that they didn't know existed.
 
JimBob1952 said:
Well, let's chalk it up to a misunderstanding and move on. I've seen your other posts and you are a solid person.

Your point is well taken in that some of my wife's friends stayed ignorant of family finances until their husbands died. Now they are dealing with straitened circumstances and a lot of stress as they come to grips with financial limitations that they didn't know existed.
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Great I had no intention of being snarky or demeaning in any way. I apologize if I came off that way.
 
JimBob the more reveal in your postings the more I think you just have typical "life is about to change" worries. It sounds like you have a solid marriage and have prepared well for retirement.

As I mentioned in an earlier post I was concerned about a lifestyle adjustment when I retired do to the loss of my salary, but it's been a painless transition. I think you and the wife will do just fine!
 
C50 said:
JimBob the more reveal in your postings the more I think you just have typical "life is about to change" worries. It sounds like you have a solid marriage and have prepared well for retirement.

As I mentioned in an earlier post I was concerned about a lifestyle adjustment when I retired do to the loss of my salary, but it's been a painless transition. I think you and the wife will do just fine!
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Thanks for the kind words. This is a slow week and I'm thinking about it too much.
 
@JimBob, What are you "scared of"?
You will always survive.
Moving out of a structured behavior is not scary, just different.
If you are a writer, is there something you're passionate about?
Anyway, Nothing to worry about. Don't ever be afraid of anything!
Enjoy as much happiness as you possibly can!
 
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