False memories, delusions, lies, temper tantrums & outbursts

[Keesha]

Holy s**t, Keesha. I'm 85 and struggling to figure out where I am on your list??

While you are joking it’s not for me to decide
This was written from first hand experience while dealing with personal relatives. Information was taken from the doctors and nurses treating them as well as personal support workers and nursing home owners and workers. The information was gathered over an intense 6 month period.

If you’ve never had to deal with a narcissist on a personal level, then you may not have a clue what I’m talking about but people who have or do , know exactly what I’m talking about.

Two years ago we were told from the professionals caring for these people part time that existing mental disorders usually get amplified as dementia sets in. This was the case with these folks so that part was true.

A stroke can speed up a type of dementia called vascular dementia which is what happened in this case. After the stroke outburst of violence against hospital staff workers happened where sedation was needed. Snapping at family members or anyone trying to help became the norm but this was from someone with an existing aggressive personality.

Apparently in some forms of dementia, some with angelic personalities can suddenly become aggressive. Thirty percent of the population of seniors will become aggressive according to statistics. Even members on this forum trying to care for their own family members are currently dealing with this type of thing.

Strokes lead to brain damage which can quickly deem a loved one incapacitated and its heart breaking staring into the eyes of someone you care about watching their mind diminish and not have the resources to help them.

When seniors still think they can drive yet their license has been revoked due to strokes and incapacity, if they had the keys, they would be driving. That’s dangerous to all.

According to authorities taking the keys is the right thing to do to prevent someone from harming them self or others when they otherwise don’t know. You can show them the letters revoking the license but they don’t care. In their mind they know they can still drive. This can become a hostile situation depending on the personality and it’s common.

Throw in alcoholism and it can be a complete nightmare. There’s absolutely nothing funny about this. Delusions, temper tantrums, cursing, aggressive outbursts..... you bet and there is NOTHING funny about it.

 

[Butterfly]

While you are joking it’s not for me to decide
This was written from first hand experience while dealing with personal relatives. Information was taken from the doctors and nurses treating them as well as personal support workers and nursing home owners and workers. The information was gathered over an intense 6 month period.

If you’ve never had to deal with a narcissist on a personal level, then you may not have a clue what I’m talking about but people who have or do know exactly what I’m talking about.

Two years ago we were told from the professionals caring for these people part time that existing mental disorders usually get amplified as dementia sets in. This was the case with these folks so that part was true.

A stroke can speed up a type of dementia called vascular dementia which is what happened in this case. After the stroke outburst of violence against hospital staff workers happened where sedation was needed. Snapping at family members or anyone trying to help became the norm but this was from someone with an existing aggressive personality.

Apparently in some forms of dementia, some with angelic personalities can suddenly become aggressive. Thirty percent of the population of seniors will become aggressive according to statistics. Even members on this forum trying to care for their own family members are currently dealing with this type of thing.

Strokes lead to brain damage which can quickly deem a loved one incapacitated and its heart breaking staring into the eyes of someone you care about watching their mind diminish and not have the resources to help them.

When they still think they can drive yet their license has been revoked due to strokes and incapacity and if they had the keys, they would be driving.

According to authorities taking the keys is the right thing to do to prevent someone from harming them self or others when they otherwise don’t know. You can show them the letters revoking the license but they don’t care. In their mind they know they can still drive. This can become a hostile situation depending on the personality and it’s common.

Throw in alcoholism and it can be a complete nightmare. There’s absolutely nothing funny about this. Delusions, temper tantrums, cursing, aggressive outbursts..... you bet and there is NOTHING funny about it.

Keesha,I've dealt with people like this and you are right -- there is absolutely nothing whatsoever funny about it. Heatbreaking, yes. Terrifying, dangerous, yes. Funny, never.

 

[StarSong]

UTIs can definitely mimic severe dementia. Saw it with my mother and mother-in-law, several times each.

There have been several studies showing links between animal products (particularly poultry) and UTIs.

Let the buyer and eater beware.

 

[AnnieA]

UTIs can definitely mimic severe dementia. Saw it with my mother and mother-in-law, several times each.

There have been several studies showing links between animal products (particularly poultry) and UTIs.

Let the buyer and eater beware.

That's interesting! Do you recall if the studies differentiated between animals given hormones, antibiotics and force fed grains in cages?

 

[StarSong]

Don't know if the nuances have been teased out, but there's lots of info on the web about it.

Anecdotally I can report that since stopping eating meat completely (and 95% of dairy) I haven't had a single UTI, and I formerly got at least one a year. Don't miss meat and definitely don't miss UTIs.

 

[treeguy64]

Someone very close to me is, increasingly, rewriting short-term, personal history, on the fly. At first, I thought this person was simply doing a little tap dancing around events in the immediate past as a way to avoid blame, make things look better than they were, etc. Then, I had another one of my 4 AM revelations: This person isn't making things up for any exculpatory reasons. Rather, this person actually believes things happened the way this person relates them to me and others. I am worried that I may be a witness to the first step into dementia, for this person. I will start keeping a detailed record, and hopefully I'll find that I have nothing to worry about.

 

[GeorgiaXplant]

Someone very close to me is, increasingly, rewriting short-term, personal history, on the fly. At first, I thought this person was simply doing a little tap dancing around events in the immediate past as a way to avoid blame, make things look better than they were, etc. Then, I had another one of my 4 AM revelations: This person isn't making things up for any exculpatory reasons. Rather, this person actually believes things happened the way this person relates them to me and others. I am worried that I may be a witness to the first step into dementia, for this person. I will start keeping a detailed record, and hopefully I'll find that I have nothing to worry about.

It's time for the person who's very close to you to be seen by a doctor. Past time.

 

[treeguy64]

It's time for the person who's very close to you to be seen by a doctor. Past time.

Unfortunately, that will never happen. Adamantly refuses.

 

[Suzy623]

When seniors still think they can drive yet their license has been revoked due to strokes and incapacity, if they had the keys, they would be driving. That’s dangerous to all.

One problem I had with my mother, who was diagnosed with onset of dementia, was that she felt she could still drive. After she bent her back tire rim, drove into then out of a small ditch, got stuck in the yard when she drove over the grass after a few days of rain, I sat her down and told her: at her age (87 at the time), and with the diagnoses of the onset of dementia in her doctors record, her insurance will probably reject any claim she may file if she has a wreck. Which is true if the wreck causes bodily or property damage. I had to tell her several times over a period of about a month and she gave up driving as long as I would take her when and where she wanted to go. My daddy, who's dementia is more advanced than my mother's, decided on his own to stop driving several years ago.

 

[Keesha]

One problem I had with my mother, who was diagnosed with onset of dementia, was that she felt she could still drive. After she bent her back tire rim, drove into then out of a small ditch, got stuck in the yard when she drove over the grass after a few days of rain, I sat her down and told her: at her age (87 at the time), and with the diagnoses of the onset of dementia in her doctors record, her insurance will probably reject any claim she may file if she has a wreck. Which is true if the wreck causes bodily or property damage. I had to tell her several times over a period of about a month and she gave up driving as long as I would take her when and where she wanted to go. My daddy, who's dementia is more advanced than my mother's, decided on his own to stop driving several years ago.

I hope what I write doesn’t come across as whining or complaining but I truly never considered that I’d have to deal with my parents losing their minds. It’s just not something I ever considered and I’m not sure why. Maybe lack of experience or possibly just gullible and naive but there were some pivotal crucial turning points that have been difficult where I didn’t know what to do.

My mom got her license revoked after her first stroke but she had enough common sense to stop driving. For about a year she became a sweet little old lady who was easy to get along with for the most part. I was actually getting closure regarding our relationship and know she looked forward to seeing me. Her eyes would always light up when we went to visit. When she needed help she wouldn’t ask but when help was offered she’d graciously accept it. She trusted my husband and I.


My father was a whole other story.
He used to fly planes , race motorcycles and rally with small cars and while he was a relatively good driver, he was known to speed and take risks.
Now that he’s older he’s willing to still take risks and I did sit down with him many , many times about the driving but he’d forget.

Even when I took his keys, he understood exactly why I was taking them and was in complete agreement. Then he’d forget but this happened regarding people hacking his computer and ripping him off, it happened regarding his credit cards but one of the worst memory loses was when he signed for my mom and him to go into long term care since we’d exhausted all their sources for home care. They needed this help so badly. We didn’t have the power or resources to help them permanently.

He’d forgotten he’d signed to go in and all the reasons why. I’d have to go over things 30 to 40 times hoping that things would finally stick but what I found is that he’d pick out only the parts that he liked and discard all the rest.

The hardest part was trying to get him to trust me.He didn’t trust anyone except my mom and with her gone he was lost. Once he viewed me as the villain I knew I was at a dead end. Years ago I remember one of the nurses saying that once they reach a certain stage in dementia that it’s best that family members let the professionals take over.

The relationship dynamics between the health care worker and the patient is more of a professional one. The benefits being that the guilt trips don’t work on these people . They are trained in knowing how to handle situations and know the progression involved in dementia.

Seniors can reach stages in dementia where they become hostile & abusive and it can become dangerous. I’m really thankful that I had so much support going through this. I hope you have the support you need Suzy. Don’t forget to take care of yourself ❤

 

[Suzy623]

I hope what I write doesn’t come across as whining or complaining but I truly never considered that I’d have to deal with my parents losing their minds. It’s just not something I ever considered and I’m not sure why. Maybe lack of experience or possibly just gullible and naive but there were some pivotal crucial turning points that have been difficult where I didn’t know what to do.

My mom got her license revoked after her first stroke but she had enough common sense to stop driving. For about a year she became a sweet little old lady who was easy to get along with for the most part. I was actually getting closure regarding our relationship and know she looked forward to seeing me. Her eyes would always light up when we went to visit. When she needed help she wouldn’t ask but when help was offered she’d graciously accept it. She trusted my husband and I.


My father was a whole other story.
He used to fly planes , race motorcycles and rally with small cars and while he was a relatively good driver, he was known to speed and take risks.
Now that he’s older he’s willing to still take risks and I did sit down with him many , many times about the driving but he’d forget.

Even when I took his keys, he understood exactly why I was taking them and was in complete agreement. Then he’d forget but this happened regarding people hacking his computer and ripping him off, it happened regarding his credit cards but one of the worst memory loses was when he signed for my mom and him to go into long term care since we’d exhausted all their sources for home care. They needed this help so badly. We didn’t have the power or resources to help them permanently.

He’d forgotten he’d signed to go in and all the reasons why. I’d have to go over things 30 to 40 times hoping that things would finally stick but what I found is that he’d pick out only the parts that he liked and discard all the rest.

The hardest part was trying to get him to trust me.He didn’t trust anyone except my mom and with her gone he was lost. Once he viewed me as the villain I knew I was at a dead end. Years ago I remember one of the nurses saying that once they reach a certain stage in dementia that it’s best that family members let the professionals take over.

The relationship dynamics between the health care worker and the patient is more of a professional one. The benefits being that the guilt trips don’t work on these people . They are trained in knowing how to handle situations and know the progression involved in dementia.

Seniors can reach stages in dementia where they become hostile & abusive and it can become dangerous. I’m really thankful that I had so much support going through this. I hope you have the support you need Suzy. Don’t forget to take care of yourself ❤

My Daddy used to fly planes. Actually, he started making gas-powered model planes when I was a baby and used to meet with others who enjoyed the hobby. Then he got his license and would fly small planes. He really enjoyed it. Then he bought a trimaran and started building a catamaran in our backyard. I had forgotten about that. Thanks for bringing back good memories.

And I try to take care of myself but the support is hard to come by at this period of our lives. Once life settles down a bit (hoping it'll settle down), I will be searching for a local support group. I belong to an online forum right now, which helps a great deal with questions and suggestions, but I need to get a real person who knows what I'm going through.

Thank you for your encouragement.

 

[Keesha]

You’re most welcome. I’m glad I could help brighten your situation some. I’m just reading your diary now. Geez you sure are going through an awful lot. It’s good that you have a plan for support. You’re dealing with a lot.

Both my mom and dad had motorbikes when they were younger and lived in England. What’s remarkable about dementia is while short term memory goes first,long term memory gets better.My father was telling me stories in great detail about his pals when he was a kid yet couldn’t remember what he had done the previous day.

If you ever need to vent feel free to pm me.

 

[Judycat]

Years ago I took my dad to the ER because he had developed seemingly never ending diarrhea. After a short time, the doctor there claimed he ran tests and confirmed my dad had a urinary tract infection then gave him a script for antibiotics. I said what about the diarrhea. Doc mumbled that the antibiotics should help that too. The next year my dad died of bowel cancer. I think the urinalysis was the only test the ER doc ordered. Bah what a bunch of bunk.

 

[gennie]

Don't know if the nuances have been teased out, but there's lots of info on the web about it.

Anecdotally I can report that since stopping eating meat completely (and 95% of dairy) I haven't had a single UTI, and I formerly got at least one a year. Don't miss meat and definitely don't miss UTIs.

I've been told that most UTIs in elderly women are the result of poor bathroom hygiene.

 

[Suzy623]

I've been told that most UTIs in elderly women are the result of poor bathroom hygiene.

That may be the case in some situations because I wondered if my mother wearing pads or diapers could have made it harder for her to get rid of the UTI. But, as we age our body chemistry also alters and it's harder to fight off infections. My mother also had cancer which tends to make you more susceptible to infections because of a lower immune system. So, who's to say for sure?