Family member and crude comments about infants

E

Ehd20

New Member
My husband and I recently grandparents and we could not be happier. We welcomed twin boys a few weeks ago and the parents created an online album for the twins. Recently, I noticed a crude comment referring to one of the boys “looks Ike a troublemaker“ and used an offensive slang term for feces. I was offended as I read this but it was not a surprised knowing this family member (son-in-law‘s sister) is unstable, impulsive and difficult to get along with. I didn’t want to bring this up to my daughter since my husband already emailed her and asked her to remove the inappropriate content. The comment has not been removed. I know she’s probably feeling in the middle because the poster can make life miserable for anyone in her way. I want to post something but want to say the right thing, being careful not to shake up this loose cannon! She will go ballistic,

I would much appreciate any suggestions. I know I cannot sit back much longer without defending these little guys. These are innocent babies who don’t have a voice. Of course, this comment speaks volumes about the person making the comment. Thank you.
 

These innocent babies of a few weeks age don't need a voice, or your defense. I would let my daughter handle it and forget about it. You're dealing with an aunt of the kids and she's obviously a loose cannon that their parents must deal with for decades to come.
 
For me, it would depend on the intent and the context of the comments.

In my family, if someone referred to him as a Cute Lil Shit* or a Mischievous Lil Troublemaker I would laugh it off as a sort of compliment.

Anyway, congratulations and welcome to SF!

*A person who is annoying or obnoxious but you love them anyway.
 
My son was born on an anniversary of Pearl Harbor Day. A friend sent a card saying, "Heard we had another disaster." I didn't think it funny then. I don't think it's funny now. She thought it was 'creative' and 'cute.' She didn't intend to be mean, but that's how it came across to me. It didn't end the friendship, but I did tell her how it made me feel and she did apologize.
 
Ehd20 said:
My husband and I recently grandparents and we could not be happier. We welcomed twin boys a few weeks ago and the parents created an online album for the twins. Recently, I noticed a crude comment referring to one of the boys “looks Ike a troublemaker“ and used an offensive slang term for feces. I was offended as I read this but it was not a surprised knowing this family member (son-in-law‘s sister) is unstable, impulsive and difficult to get along with. I didn’t want to bring this up to my daughter since my husband already emailed her and asked her to remove the inappropriate content. The comment has not been removed. I know she’s probably feeling in the middle because the poster can make life miserable for anyone in her way. I want to post something but want to say the right thing, being careful not to shake up this loose cannon! She will go ballistic,

I would much appreciate any suggestions. I know I cannot sit back much longer without defending these little guys. These are innocent babies who don’t have a voice. Of course, this comment speaks volumes about the person making the comment. Thank you.
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First of all I want to welcome you to the forum. As for the remark about your Grandchildren, since I have 3,I think I would go ballistic if someone said something insulting about any of my grandchildren. I had a neighbor years ago whose daughter-in-law sent her a picture of her new baby. My neighbor never replied. When her DIL called her to ask why she didn't comment my neighbor said "What was I going to say, the baby is ugly. I didn't want to upset you." That was the start of her DIL never speaking to her again. How can anyone be so cruel as to insulting a baby. Every baby is Beautiful.
 
Pinky said:
Best thing to do with that sort of ignorance, is - Ignore.
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The problem I see with ignoring it is that many older family members (Grandparents) and friends can see this and if we don’t Nip it now, I’m afraid it will escalate with continued offensive comments. I’ve had a few family members contact me about this. We just don’t use that kind of crude language. There’s no room for that kind of talk in our family. And a no brainier to actually use That in reference to an infant. When good people do nothing....
 
Ehd20 said:
The problem I see with ignoring it is that many older family members (Grandparents) and friends can see this and if we don’t Nip it now, I’m afraid it will escalate with continued offensive comments. I’ve had a few family members contact me about this. We just don’t use that kind of crude language. There’s no room for that kind of talk in our family. And a no brainier to actually use That in reference to an infant. When good people do nothing....
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The thing is, with someone who is ignorant enough to post such a comment in the first place, addressing it could escalate things with that person. However, I understand your viewpoint.
 
If I posted a photo of a new grandchild and someone said he looked like a troublemaker, I'd LOL it with something like - Yeah, I noticed that gleam in his eye! - and not give it another thought.

Presuming the woman said something like "better watch out for that little sh**." Stupid, yes. Offensive, maybe? Bottom line is that this reflects back on the poster, not on the baby.

Your daughter seems to be playing it cool. If I were you I'd follow her lead. No good comes from throwing more logs on the fire.
 
You said " We just don’t use that kind of crude language. There’s no room for that kind of talk in our family." But you need to understand that this lady who made the comment is in the family too and apparently they do make that kind of comments. When two families merge one person can't decide the other family is going to change their ways. I know lots of people who would jokenly call a cute little child a "trouble making shit". I don't talk like that but I know people who do. Your husband has already let your daughter know you don't like the comment. If you don't back off I see lots of family arguments in the years ahead. You will probably be seeing this lady at birthday parties, funerals, weddings and maybe even Thanksgiving dinners in the future so I wouldn't try to get any trouble started just because you don't appreciate her type of humor. And if she said it to be mean that speaks volumes about her and what kind of person she is there is no reason for you to point it out.
 
Ehd20 said:
My husband and I recently grandparents and we could not be happier. We welcomed twin boys a few weeks ago and the parents created an online album for the twins. Recently, I noticed a crude comment referring to one of the boys “looks Ike a troublemaker“ and used an offensive slang term for feces. I was offended as I read this but it was not a surprised knowing this family member (son-in-law‘s sister) is unstable, impulsive and difficult to get along with. I didn’t want to bring this up to my daughter since my husband already emailed her and asked her to remove the inappropriate content. The comment has not been removed. I know she’s probably feeling in the middle because the poster can make life miserable for anyone in her way. I want to post something but want to say the right thing, being careful not to shake up this loose cannon! She will go ballistic,

I would much appreciate any suggestions. I know I cannot sit back much longer without defending these little guys. These are innocent babies who don’t have a voice. Of course, this comment speaks volumes about the person making the comment. Thank you.
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I disagree with everybody else's advice.
Perhaps you could advise your daughter to block this individual so she no longer has access to your daughter's page?
 
JaniceM her daughter is an adult, I would never tell my daughter who she should block or not block on her page. If the daughter wanted to block her she would have done it after her dad made her aware that they didn't approve of the gals' comments.
 
Ehd20 said:
I didn’t want to bring this up to my daughter since my husband already emailed her and asked her to remove the inappropriate content. The comment has not been removed.
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That's about all you can do. It's up to your daughter to do whatever she's going to do.

If it were me, I'd love to call the son-in-law‘s sister whatever she called the boys, since that appears to her to be quite okay. (LOL)

But really, it might be best just to leave a follow-up comment along the lines of "on the real side, they're adorable."
 
JaniceM said:
I disagree with everybody else's advice.
Perhaps you could advise your daughter to block this individual so she no longer has access to your daughter's page?
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According to the OP, this is the baby's father's sister. Blocking one's sister-in-law on FB is a big statement that could start a rift between the couple themselves, not to mention the husband's family with the daughter-in-law.

My advice to the OP stands. Chill out and mind your own business. This is theirs to handle. Or not. Their choice, not yours.
 
But this is between your daughter, son-in-law and his sister. She didn't say it to you so you should stay out of it because if you don't, you could be causing trouble between you and your daughter and son-in-law. If it were my daughter, I wouldn't want her upset with me because I butted into their business. Let them handle it. Also, if you go ahead and post something and it causes trouble between them and you, they could decide to not let you see your grandchildren and you don't want that do you? I know I wouldn't. Just a thought.
 

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