Flowers from my son that went in the garbage :(

Colleen said:
Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate having a place I can "unload" on every once in a while. It helps.

I wasn't feeling bad when I got the flowers...I was mad because I knew it was a false gesture.

We've gotten to the place that we've just let it go. It's taken a long time to "cut the cord" but for our own mental health, we needed to step away.
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Colleen, I feel for you. You're the only one who knows what's best for your heart. I would have probably thrown the flowers away, too. We have a person in our family who is the same way, and whenever we hear from him we always say "wonder what he wants now." He's proven many times over the years that the only time he is nice, or even remembers we are alive, is when he wants something -- usually money. A few years ago, my sis allowed him to stay with her for a while so he could "get back on his feet," and he repaid her by stealing from her.

There are some people you just don't need in your life, family or not.
 
I think that each person has to do what is right for them, and that might be a very different way than someone else would react to the same event or person.
I have been thinking about this thread, and while I can relate to the way you are feeling; I just look at things differently than this.
For me, I would have kept the flowers, even if they were not given sincerely, but just because I will always love my three children, regardless of what they do , or how they behaved towards me.
My love for them is not dependent on their behavior, it is not conditional . They are my children and I love them, no matter what, and even if they didn’t love me; I would still love them.
So, if one sent me flowers, I would keep them, regardless.
 
i agree with happyflowerlady----they were from my child and i love them no matter what they have done--it might have been his way of trying to make up for the times she didnt hear from him--i have a daughter who lives aside of me that hasnt spoken to me in 2 years but i send her a birthday card i also wished her a happy mothers day on facebook
 
Shalimar said:
I believe in unconditional love, but I refuse to enable abusive behaviour, particularly from family members. Codependency is a slippery slope.
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I agree with what you are saying, Shali. Sometimes , not coming to the rescue is a necessary thing, both when our kids are little and when they are adults.
Not enabling abusive behavior is actually a way of showing your love; but loving someone and enabling them are two totally different things.
I have a son who learned from his father to be a “victim”, and he always wanted to do as he pleased, but be rescued when it didn’t turn out the way he planned.
I don’t rescue him from his choices in life; but I still love him dearly, and always will.

This is only a part of who he is, and there are parts of his makeup that are beautiful. He has a loving and caring heart, which I always call his “marshmallow heart”, and that part of him is precious to me.
None of us are perfect, we all have good and bad traits in our personality, and we all have the capacity to change if we want to bad enough; so we should never give up on someone, even though we do not support some of their irresponsible behavior.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
I agree with what you are saying, Shali. Sometimes , not coming to the rescue is a necessary thing, both when our kids are little and when they are adults.
Not enabling abusive behavior is actually a way of showing your love; but loving someone and enabling them are two totally different things.
I have a son who learned from his father to be a “victim”, and he always wanted to do as he pleased, but be rescued when it didn’t turn out the way he planned.
I don’t rescue him from his choices in life; but I still love him dearly, and always will.

This is only a part of who he is, and there are parts of his makeup that are beautiful. He has a loving and caring heart, which I always call his “marshmallow heart”, and that part of him is precious to me.
None of us are perfect, we all have good and bad traits in our personality, and we all have the capacity to change if we want to bad enough; so we should never give up on someone, even though we do not support some of their irresponsible behavior.
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You are a wise woman. ❤️
 
Colleen, I would have thrown them away too. It doesn't mean a thing when you know they don't mean it. Too many times, my daughters have shown me they don't do for me because they want to and they don't mean the things they have done. They just do what little they do, because they feel "they have too" or are obligated but don't mind showing they don't mean it.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
I think that each person has to do what is right for them, and that might be a very different way than someone else would react to the same event or person.
I have been thinking about this thread, and while I can relate to the way you are feeling; I just look at things differently than this.
For me, I would have kept the flowers, even if they were not given sincerely, but just because I will always love my three children, regardless of what they do , or how they behaved towards me.
My love for them is not dependent on their behavior, it is not conditional . They are my children and I love them, no matter what, and even if they didn’t love me; I would still love them.
So, if one sent me flowers, I would keep them, regardless.
Click to expand...
I agree.
 
Happyflowerlady said:
I think that each person has to do what is right for them, and that might be a very different way than someone else would react to the same event or person.
I have been thinking about this thread, and while I can relate to the way you are feeling; I just look at things differently than this.
For me, I would have kept the flowers, even if they were not given sincerely, but just because I will always love my three children, regardless of what they do , or how they behaved towards me.
My love for them is not dependent on their behavior, it is not conditional . They are my children and I love them, no matter what, and even if they didn’t love me; I would still love them.
So, if one sent me flowers, I would keep them, regardless.
Click to expand...

^^ This.
 
Everyone has to think for themselves and do what feels right to them. Myself, I would have kept the flowers and put them in a place of honor to remind me of something good about my son, even if I had to think back 40 years, Accepting flowers doesn't mean you would have to give him anything, ever.
 
I was just setting here thinking about a lady friend of mine who has had an on-again, off-again relationship with her son, and how, even after all these years, she was hurt because he didn't acknowledge her at all on Mother's Day. A card, a phone call, flowers, even a text message or a FB post would have meant tons to her.
 

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