For widows and widowers.

B

Blessed

Well-known Member
I lost my husband at 51 years of age. It has been 12 years. For along time I was able to put it away somewhat. I had a son in college, a Mom that need looking after. I had a full house for a while, Mom, son, his fiance and her two year old son. Now, Mom has passed, son married and bought their own home. Here I am alone, just me and the 3 pups. I still feel that grief creeping in. This was the time that we should have had to do what ever our hearts desired. This boy/this man was my whole life. Now I am stuck here, alone. I know that many of you must feel the same way. I thought we should have a place to come to and share, maybe that will help us.
 

I am struggling thru a bad period right now. I don't know why, they often come with no reason why. When I was busy taking care of others I could often put is aside, away. Save it for another day I guess, I know that makes no sense. There were times that I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry but obligations to those I loved made me rise and do what needed to be done. Now I only have to feed the pups, let them out to go potty, and give them hugs and kisses.

I have been in bed for much to much time, unwilling to rise should I lose the dreams of my past life. I get up and open the back door for the pups, return to the bed and the dreams that give me comfort. When the littles come in and jump back on the bed, I rise and go close and lock the door. If I am lucky I slip back into sleep and those dreams, I am far way in my past life, which I still wish I had. I finally wake and realize I am still here without my love and I will have to do this over and over. I don't know anymore if the dreams are good or bad. They bring comfort and then they bring pain when I wake. So is the how my life will be, we shall see?
 
@hollydolly, you are suffering just like me. You had a love that was supposed to be yours and was taken away thru no fault of your own. I actually think I feel worse for your circumstance. You have suffered the ultimate betrayal. That is how I would feel in your shoes, as bad as it sounds I think you could handle it better if he was gone because he had a heart attack. What he has done can not be forgiven IMO.
 

Blessed said:
@hollydolly, you are suffering just like me. You had a love that was supposed to be yours and was taken away thru no fault of your own. I actually think I feel worse for your circumstance. You have suffered the ultimate betrayal. That is how I would feel in your shoes, as bad as it sounds I think you could handle it better if he was gone because he had a heart attack. What he has done can not be forgiven IMO.
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Thank you Blessed for thinking of me.. 🤗 I do feel for you and anyone who has been widowed, it's a terrible heartbreaking loss, but at least it's final.

In my case.. as you rightly say ..the ultimate betrayal, doesn't stop, it's continued, even tho' we're now separated I'm still having to live with it every single day.. see or hear of him AND her ..... and yes I've said all long it would be much easier for me to handle if he had died, instead of what he's done and is continuing to do... :(
 
hollydolly said:
Thank you Blessed for thinking of me.. 🤗 I do feel for you and anyone who has been widowed, it's a terrible heartbreaking loss, but at least it's final.

In my case.. as you rightly say ..the ultimate betrayal, doesn't stop, it's continued, even tho' we're now separated I'm still having to live with it every single day.. see or hear of him AND her ..... and yes I've said all long it would be much easier for me to handle if he had died, instead of what he's done and is continuing to do... :(
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I understand, and I wish I knew of anyway to give you some kind of comfort.....but I am a loss for words on that type of thing. I suppose I would most likely in prison for the murder of 2. I am not the strong, independent woman you are. I think when you are ready again you will find a great love. I am waiting to see you post that he has come running back for forgiveness, he wants to come back. I have seen it more than once but I don't think you would be one for that!!
 
@Blessed, be easy with yourself. I know sometimes nocturnal dreams are of maybe a parallel world, a past life, or a future existence and
so much better than what you are experiencing here.
Is your late husband in your dreams? If so, maybe he is with you and won't let go of you until you are over the grief.
Time doesn't exist in the absolute.
You're young yet. Maybe another man will come into your life. Take care of the thoughts in your mind so you don't sink into depression.
(Not much concilation where you're lying in bed looking at the pillow beside you. You reach out to touch him and he isn't there.)
When the sadness hits you, kick it out of your mind and fill your head with future plans. Anything. Something positive!
The past is the past. You are beautiful and alive! Something wonderful can happen at any moment!
You can be strong! You can get through this!
 
Judycat said:
My husband died in 2013 then my daughter died in 2015. It still hurts. No advice, but I'm sorry for your loss.
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My husband also died in 2013, @Judycat. Losing your daughter must have been a double whammy! I'm so sorry for your loss, and for all those here who have lost a loved one. It's been 9 years for me. I have cherished the memories of my time with my husband, and have kept myself busy (going back to school) and now that my son is in college, I am alone. As many of you know, I write poetry, and that has helped me cope.

Here is one of the poems I wrote in his memory:

Remember the Roses

I knew the answer
When I saw your face
The grin determined
Our ultimate fate

Remember the roses
That stood on the hill
Remember the roses
On the window sill

Forever your sweetheart
I vowed that day
Forever together
In every which way

Remember the sunshine
That made you glow
Remember the kindness
That made love grow

We walked together
As if eternity was our friend
We loved each other
As if today would never end

Remember the sadness
When you went away
Remember the flowers
That with you did lay

Forever your laughter
Remains in my heart
To keep lit the candle
Burning in the dark

Goodbye my dear loved one
For we didn’t say goodbye
You left without notice
You left with just a cry

Remember the roses
That grew in your soul
Your gift were the roses
Their scent to behold.

P. A. copyright 2015.

PS On the day he died, there was a beautiful scent that hung around the room for five days.
 

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