Forced Into Living Alone In The House

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MissRJ

Member
Location
USA
My mother has not been in the house since Friday, November 2,2023.
She has been in the local hospital since Friday, November 2,2023.
My attorney is working hard to get my mother into a nursing home.

Yeah. My situation has me forced back into the house that I appear to have issues with.
One issue is that I am not really able to manage,take care and handle things.
The seccond issue is my mental health.
The third issue is that I really can no longer stomach- and I cannot do a good job at tolerating,and I cannot do a good job at handling living alone in the house.
Fourth, is that I am also hoping to sell the house and move elsewhere.

See, in order for my mother to get placed into a nursing home, I need to continue residing in the house.
There is something in the laws that says I must continue for awhile to live at my current home address.

I have a few family members left.
The few that are alive are up there in years.


*Note: This is the internet,so I want to watch how much personal stuff I post.
 

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Jace said:
@MissRJ ..Good Luck!
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Thank you for your response.
My OCD and anxiety have been severe.
I am being forced into something that is not working out very well.
I just do not think that I should be in my current situation and its environment.
The laws speaks.
I was under the impression that my mother would be in the nursing within a time-frame of 72 hours.
 

That sounds strange to me. Unless she has enough money to pay for nursing home care indefinitely her house will need to be sold to pay for it. I’m sorry for all the stress you are experiencing.
 
It sounds like a very difficult situation. Is there a friend or anyone that could come stay with you during this transition. I would also suggest you see your own doctor for help. They maybe able to offer advice that could help you feel more settled and calm while you go through this.
 
Most think that it's like booking a room at hotel to get into a 'home'. It's not. The only way you get into a home is when someone passes away. So, you have to wait for an opening. Also, you're not the only one waiting. Then it depends on the level of care needed. Then, it's the cost- $10,000/month & up is not uncommon. Plus, the laws about this stuff are &*^%& messed up! MissJR, as bad as it seems, it will pass.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Most think that it's like booking a room at hotel to get into a 'home'. It's not. The only way you get into a home is when someone passes away. So, you have to wait for an opening. Also, you're not the only one waiting. Then it depends on the level of care needed. Then, it's the cost- $10,000/month & up is not uncommon. Plus, the laws about this stuff are &*^%& messed up! MissJR, as bad as it seems, it will pass.
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I left for about one week.
I did not want to be forced back in.
In my situation the law says what it says.
Mom had been put into the hosptial-where she remains waiting to go into a nursing home.
 
Teacher Terry said:
That sounds strange to me. Unless she has enough money to pay for nursing home care indefinitely her house will need to be sold to pay for it. I’m sorry for all the stress you are experiencing.
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The attorney is working on the money, MASS Health and the right to keep me in the house.
 
Blessed said:
It sounds like a very difficult situation. Is there a friend or anyone that could come stay with you during this transition. I would also suggest you see your own doctor for help. They maybe able to offer advice that could help you feel more settled and calm while you go through this.
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In my opinion, a family member could and should take me in temporarily.
The doctor is supposed to be doing a clinical review of my mother.
 
Over a year ago, I did not know that I would be in this bad and scary position.
I do not have any good plans A or B.

In my case, my severe mental health is one major reason for my inability to manage and function or function halfway decently.
My decisions are not always good because they are based upon OCD, anxiety and my overall inability to stand on my own two feet and do my own life.
Secondly, with or without my mother there are no friends, neighbors or relatives that will come out to help take care of things.
We have not had friends in several years.
There are a few aging family members that live quite a distance away from us.
 
MissRJ said:
Over a year ago, I did not know that I would be in this bad and scary position.
I do not have any good plans A or B.

In my case, my severe mental health is one major reason for my inability to manage and function or function halfway decently.
My decisions are not always good because they are based upon OCD, anxiety and my overall inability to stand on my own two feet and do my own life.
Secondly, with or without my mother there are no friends, neighbors or relatives that will come out to help take care of things.
We have not had friends in several years.
There are a few aging family members that live quite a distance away from us.
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Are you on meds. Benzos are good for anxiety and AP good for the racing thoughts of ocd.
This will be hard to do but maybe you can get a friend to stay with you while you house set.
It’s good that you have a lawyer. What you are going through is tough. Seriously so. Breathe Deep! Try to stay grounded and balanced.
 
MissRJ said:
Over a year ago, I did not know that I would be in this bad and scary position.
I do not have any good plans A or B.

In my case, my severe mental health is one major reason for my inability to manage and function or function halfway decently.
My decisions are not always good because they are based upon OCD, anxiety and my overall inability to stand on my own two feet and do my own life.
Secondly, with or without my mother there are no friends, neighbors or relatives that will come out to help take care of things.
We have not had friends in several years.
There are a few aging family members that live quite a distance away from us.
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:) It seems that things are moving and resolving slowly for you, but they are resolving.
Stay very calm, breathe deeply, eat and sleep well.
Write down your priorities, 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc. If you have questions, ask your attorney or doctor or family, or post them here.
Above all, remain calm and collected, and know that everything will soon be resolved..
 
gruntlabor said:
:) It seems that things are moving and resolving slowly for you, but they are resolving.
Stay very calm, breathe deeply, eat and sleep well.
Write down your priorities, 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc. If you have questions, ask your attorney or doctor or family, or post them here.
Above all, remain calm and collected, and know that everything will soon be resolved..
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During most of the day I am unable to function properly.
There are a lot of things that I just cannot do or I do not do.

Starting on late Monday evening I did not sleep for 2 nights.
I began doing and then continuing to do more stuff (that I thought would help and beneficial).
It turned out to be a waste of my time that was not helpful or benedfical
By 3:00AM Tuesday Morning,due to what was happening with me I felt that I could not tolerate having that home health person in my home. So, I cancelled her becasue I rwas really in such bad or rough mental state.
I am not that much better today(Wednesday,11/22/2023).

As of today, Wednesday,11/22/2023 I do not see any resolutions or anything being resolved.
 
MissRJ said:
During most of the day I am unable to function properly.
There are a lot of things that I just cannot do or I do not do.

Starting on late Monday evening I did not sleep for 2 nights.
I began doing and then continuing to do more stuff (that I thought would help and beneficial).
It turned out to be a waste of my time that was not helpful or benedfical
By 3:00AM Tuesday Morning,due to what was happening with me I felt that I could not tolerate having that home health person in my home. So, I cancelled her becasue I rwas really in such bad or rough mental state.
I am not that much better today(Wednesday,11/22/2023).

As of today, Wednesday,11/22/2023 I do not see any resolutions or anything being resolved.
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I quoted myself.
"See, in order for my mother to get placed into a nursing home, I need to continue residing in the house.
There is something in the laws that says I must continue for awhile to live at my current home address."

I am still not making it.
I see and feel panic, anxiety, too many unresolved issues and etc.
 
MissRJ said:
I quoted myself.
"See, in order for my mother to get placed into a nursing home, I need to continue residing in the house.
There is something in the laws that says I must continue for awhile to live at my current home address."

I am still not making it.
I see and feel panic, anxiety, too many unresolved issues and etc.
Click to expand...
I am sorry that you are going through this, @MissRJ!

I don't have enough information about your condition, but if you can, take some deep breaths to calm yourself. Eat something that you like. Watch a show that is pleasurable. Read a book to get your mind off of things. These are small things to do but they help while you are waiting. You might want to also write down your thoughts in a journal.

If you have a doctor, call the office and let them know what is going on with you. They might have suggestions to help you cope while waiting.
 
Things are more difficult this time of year. I do not have the struggles you have but I feel so much empathy for you. I have my own hard times and I know how painful, scary and difficult it is to struggle alone with thoughts that over take your every waking moment. If your doctor is not sympathetic even though you feel you are trying your best to cope it may be time to find someone else.

The thing that helped me was being a part of a group that felt the same way I did. It assured me that I was not alone, that others were going through the same thing. These thoughts are not ours alone, they are others that struggle to get through everyday life. We should not have to feel bad or less than others. You have a lot to contribute to others!!
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Are you her POA? That might be why you are being asked to stay. If there’s someone living in the house, they aren’t allowed to take it. At least that’s how it is in Canada. If you left, then it would be considered collateral.
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Yes.
The attorney is trying to keep me in the house and protect the assests.
Oh, thank you for your information.
 
In my experience, everyone at some time is faced with situations in which we are overwhelmed.
The first thing is to accept that you are going to have to cope and that you CAN do it. Start being practical, logical and make a plan. One step at a time. If you do that, you will find a sense of control returns and good things will happen.
You have anxiety issues but you also have intelligence and skills if you just decide that you can and will do what is necessary for your and your mother's wellbeing.
Do not make the mistake of thinking other people will handle this for you, I have found that they won't, they have their own lives. However, if you begin showing you can do things, then people will begin helping where they can.
So best of luck, you can do this.
 
Rose65 said:
In my experience, everyone at some time is faced with situations in which we are overwhelmed.
The first thing is to accept that you are going to have to cope and that you CAN do it. Start being practical, logical and make a plan. One step at a time. If you do that, you will find a sense of control returns and good things will happen.
You have anxiety issues but you also have intelligence and skills if you just decide that you can and will do what is necessary for your and your mother's wellbeing.
Do not make the mistake of thinking other people will handle this for you, I have found that they won't, they have their own lives. However, if you begin showing you can do things, then people will begin helping where they can.
So best of luck, you can do this.
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Thank you for your reply.
My issues are more then anxiety.
 
You have had some wonderful and positive advice here.

Many of us here, I am sure, have felt completely overwhelmed at times in our lives- and it seemed that everything that happened ,was a catastrophe or something we could not change.

We have an Office of the Aging in my county and maybe they can help you in some way, if there is one in your county.

I am calling a friend of mine later today whose husband is very ill. When she was a caretaker for her mother there were many times she felt she could not handle her mother's care- but she did!

I know she needs some encouragement in helping her husband. He always did so much but now must recovery from a heart operation.


We need to believe in ourselves because we ALL have more strength than we know.
Rose65 said:
"Do not make the mistake of thinking other people will handle this for you, I have found that they won't, they have their own lives. However, if you begin showing you can do things, then people will begin helping where they can.
So best of luck, you can do this."

This is so true. When my husband died after a long illness ,a few neighbors thought I would have to sell my farm, and at a low price. Then they realized I was perfectly capable of handling everything here. I have been here ever since. NONE of it was easy for a long time, and I could no longer raise livestock, but I found that there were many neighbors who did help me when I needed help, and still help, if they can.

When people might perceive us as "helpless"---- that is when they can try to take advantage of us.
 
I have severe mental health issues.
I am not really capable of being on my own.

Currently mom is still in the hosptial. She has Covid 19.
If she is cured within five-seven days she will then be able to go into the nursing home.
Once she is there I am legally and ethically free to leave the house.
 
M
Widow of Vietnam Vet said:
You have had some wonderful and positive advice here.

Many of us here, I am sure, have felt completely overwhelmed at times in our lives- and it seemed that everything that happened ,was a catastrophe or something we could not change.

We have an Office of the Aging in my county and maybe they can help you in some way, if there is one in your county.

I am calling a friend of mine later today whose husband is very ill. When she was a caretaker for her mother there were many times she felt she could not handle her mother's care- but she did!

I know she needs some encouragement in helping her husband. He always did so much but now must recovery from a heart operation.


We need to believe in ourselves because we ALL have more strength than we know.
Rose65 said:
"Do not make the mistake of thinking other people will handle this for you, I have found that they won't, they have their own lives. However, if you begin showing you can do things, then people will begin helping where they can.
So best of luck, you can do this."

This is so true. When my husband died after a long illness ,a few neighbors thought I would have to sell my farm, and at a low price. Then they realized I was perfectly capable of handling everything here. I have been here ever since. NONE of it was easy for a long time, and I could no longer raise livestock, but I found that there were many neighbors who did help me when I needed help, and still help, if they can.

When people might perceive us as "helpless"---- that is when they can try to take advantage of us.
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My local senior care is not the best.
They do have some things.
Medical transportation is through Uber or Lyft.
You can use it only so many times per month.

Home Health Aid Homemaking is only for a few hours per week.
There are Limits on what light house keeping chores are done.
The agency that I had was not a full service agency.
They did not offer transporation service to and from medical appointments.

So I left them and went to another agency.
After that first home visit my service was canceled.
It just did not work out.
I want and need house keeping.
I do not need someone telling me to throw out their trash and so on.
 

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