Fractured family; it's going to be a difficult holiday

G

GeorgiaXplant

Well-known Member
Location
Georgia
DD won't have anything to do with DS who lives 30 miles south of us, having moved back down here after being gone since 2002. I haven't seen him for Thanksgiving in six years and would really like to spend some time with him. He insists it doesn't matter, but I know it hurts him, and I'm not going to start a sh*t storm by trying to talk/manipulate/coerce DD into inviting him for dinner.

In spite of DD/DSIL and the g'kids, I feel alone. The table doesn't get set and the food put on the table. It's all on top of the kitchen stove for everybody to help themselves (which is the way all meals are served...when there's a meal that doesn't come from a drive-thru!). DGS takes his plate to his room. DSIL takes his to his chair in front of the TV. DD won't eat until everybody else has eaten. DGD picks at her food until DD decides she'll eat, then eats with DD.

For the past five years, we haven't eaten until around 4 or 5, but yesterday I asked DD if we could eat early, by 2, so that I would still have some time to go down to visit with DS for a while and still get back before dark. Her response was short and to the point: "That's fine." Nothing else.

They are both my kids, and I love them both. DD carries a grudge forever and ever. When my other son died in 2003, she hadn't spoken to her dad in more than 10 years until he flew in from California and they met at the hospital. Then she burst into tears, crying and apologizing. What's it going to take for her to speak to her remaining brother? Do I have to die first?

My heart breaks every day, heals while I sleep, then breaks again the next day.

I don't really want any advice, maybe just somebody to understand.
 

Okay, then. What I'm going to do is...make up a plate for DS after dinner and take it to him, along with some pumpkin pie (his favorite) and a piece of DGD's apple pie. I give DD a substantial check every month to contribute toward utilities and food, so I don't feel like I'm taking "her" food. So there.

And I'm going to enjoy my own dinner. That DS isn't here is DD's loss; I'll get to see him later.

We were promised a sunny day but it's already after 11, and there's no indication that the sun going to come out. Weatherliars. They get paid big bucks to be wrong half the time!
 
Thinking about you today GeorgiaX, no sun by me either. Hope you can enjoy your dinner today. :love_heart:


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It turned out okay. I made up a plate to take to DS, including pie. And DD offered to share two pieces of peanut butter pie. Will wonders never cease? PB pie isn't his favorite, but I cut some and took it to him along with the rest of the food. He chowed down like he hadn't had a meal since last week and apparently enjoyed every bite. He appreciates meals that he doesn't have to cook:) By the time he finished his dinner, he was too full for pie of any kind so said he was going to save it for tonight while watching TV and eat some tomorrow and Saturday if it lasts that long. He ended up with five pieces of pie!

Maybe there's a little softening on DD's part. Maybe. Where there's life, there's hope, right?
 
Georgia, your saying says it all. "I'm gonna make the rest of my life the best of my life." Let others fill up their life with hatred and grudges. I am glad you spent time with DS.
 
Georgia, maybe next year, maybe even this Christmas hopefully will things be as they should be. I found out a long time ago that you cannot make it happen....it has to come from them. Like you, I'm still waiting.

I know this might sound kind of corny but if you have some old photo albums from when the kids were little might be worth having a look in front of DD....trigger some happy memories perhaps.
 
I wish people still knew how to write words instead of code. :lol: I keep trying to figure out all the DDs, DGDS, SILs and such I have no idea what your story was about. I think DD is Dearly Departed and I'm pretty sure I know what GDB is. I'm all too familiar with some SOBS too. Come to think of it I guess the reason for the code is to avoid all the nasty language.

Maybe I'll reread your post now and see what it's about. :lol:
 
Oops. I didn't know that some folks might not know all the shortcuts.

DD = dear daughter
DS = dear son or dear sister
DGD = dear granddaughter
DGS = dear grandson
SIL = son in law or sister in law
MIL = mother in law
DB = dear brother

The list goes on and on and on. Maybe somebody will undertake to post a list of abbreviations and pin it.
 
I wouldn't bother looking at a list anyway. Too much trouble. What if your brother, sister, husband, etc. isn't so dear. Is that where GDB or SOB comes in?

I'll just us my own interpretation. I like it better anyway.
 
I found this somewhere. Computer acronyms for people our age:

BFF1) Bran Flakes Forever
2) Best Friend’s Funeral
3) Been Falling Frequently
BRB
1) Bring Radio Back
2) Bursitis Real Bad
3) Beloved Red Buttons
BTW
1) Born To Wander
2) Broke The Wheelchair
3) Bed The Widow
GTG
1) Going To Graveside
2) Good Time Granny
3) Got the Gout
HAGD
1) Have Any Good Diuretics?
2) Hopeless Assclowns Getting Drunk
3) Heard Andy Griffith Died?
IMO
1) In Monday’s Obituaries
2) Imagine My Outrage
3) Incontinence May Occur
LMAO
1) Like Many Absentminded Oldsters
2) Love My Arthritis Ointment
3) Like Most Angry Octogenarians
LOL
1) Little Old Lady
2) Lots Of Lumbago
3) Lincoln Oldsmobile Lover
OMG
1) Old Man Groaning
2) One More Goiter
3) Open My Geritol
OTW
1) Off The Walker
2) Open To Whisky
3) Old Time Wattle
POS
1) Please Obey Seniors
2) Post Operative Stitches
3) Proud of Senility
ROFL
1) Rude Oafs Flaunting Lawlessness
2) Really Old Ford LeBaron
3) Retirement Opportunity, Fort Lauderdale
TTYL
1) Those Tattooed Young Layabouts
2) Tube Topped Young Lady
3) Try Taking Your Laxatives
WTF
1) Wag The Finger
2) Where’s The Fire?
3) Wanton Teenage Freaks
 
Sorry Georgia. Family discord is difficult to handle. Lucky here. We're spending a big part of the day with my son and daughter in law. Our daughter is driving in from Austin. I have worked myself thrugh the stages of COPD. My daughter has multiple myeloma for which there is no care. She's hoping for a few more years and is in remission now and I hope she gets them, but we had a good Thanksgiving, good visits and what more can you ask?
 
Drifter, I like your way...it's important to live in the Now! I wish DD would experience some kind of epiphany and see that.
 

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