Frustrations With Trying to Communicate on the Internet

Old Dummy said:
Having been online since 1994, your complaints are quite common -- I have them all the time, happened to me earlier today. People don't really respond to what you've written and it's RIGHT THERE FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE, unlike in real life where people can accuse someone of saying something they didn't, and there's nothing to go on but memory.

The lack of voice inflections, language nuances, facial expressions, etc. are also a big reason for misunderstandings in this sterile environment. We do them all the time without even realizing it IRL, and they matter.

Supposedly this is why they invented smileys back in the '90s. They do help, at least to some degree. ;)
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Spot on @Old Dummy ! Communications has changed....I should say "evolved" due to evolving technology. Online communications is just different from what we know, in face-to-face communicating in the Real World. Not better or worse...just different.
 

What I hate the most is thread hijacking. It doesn't happen in real life conversation.
 

Ruthanne said:
I have been going to a few different internet sites and am finding it increasingly hard to communicate with people on the sites. I go to one site for meeting friends and it seems some of the guys don't even read what I write to them and then write back to me asking me the same things I just told them. I don't know if these people too are having a hard time of trying to communicate. I am ready to throw up my hands and stop trying. Maybe trying to make friends via the internet is not for me anymore.

Used to be a person could just go out to a local gathering to meet others but now it's not really possible. :whistle::unsure:;)
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Hi there...we can chat if you want. I live in Georgia.
 
Ruthanne said:
I have been going to a few different internet sites and am finding it increasingly hard to communicate with people on the sites. I go to one site for meeting friends and it seems some of the guys don't even read what I write to them and then write back to me asking me the same things I just told them. I don't know if these people too are having a hard time of trying to communicate. I am ready to throw up my hands and stop trying. Maybe trying to make friends via the internet is not for me anymore.

Used to be a person could just go out to a local gathering to meet others but now it's not really possible. :whistle::unsure:;)
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Ruthanne, the internet can be a very rough and tumble place. You will find it can be inhabited by social miscreants who pretend to be what they aren't or say things anonymously they'd never do face to face. Being impersonal, it is difficult to "meet" people but I wouldn't stop trying. Just don't let it get to you in those instances where you can't "connect."
 
it's also hard to get to know people online when they won't let you. or when they're not interested in getting to know you.
 
Ruthanne said:
I have been going to a few different internet sites and am finding it increasingly hard to communicate with people on the sites. I go to one site for meeting friends and it seems some of the guys don't even read what I write to them and then write back to me asking me the same things I just told them. I don't know if these people too are having a hard time of trying to communicate. I am ready to throw up my hands and stop trying. Maybe trying to make friends via the internet is not for me anymore.

Used to be a person could just go out to a local gathering to meet others but now it's not really possible. :whistle::unsure:;)
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Ruthanne, I hope the day comes again for people to meet others locally in a gathering, so much better than online. You are a sincere person, you care and really want to connect with someone who has the same interests. But, I think a lot of people, especially those who frequent dating sites, etc. are very self centered, not really interested in anyone else personally. They likely have a goal for their online presence, not sure what that is. It'll be good when you can just meet someone naturally in your neighborhood, and not subject yourself to those sites. đź’™
 
Ruthanne said:
I have been going to a few different internet sites and am finding it increasingly hard to communicate with people on the sites. I go to one site for meeting friends and it seems some of the guys don't even read what I write to them and then write back to me asking me the same things I just told them. I don't know if these people too are having a hard time of trying to communicate. I am ready to throw up my hands and stop trying. Maybe trying to make friends via the internet is not for me anymore.
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I don't think this is new to the internet, I believe most people would rather talk than listen, so maybe now its write than read?

However the internet is new, only about 30 years old and trying to meet friends here is even newer, a lot has changed in just the last year or so. In comparison we have been socializing with folks face to face ever since intelligent life evolved. Don't give up on it, I think there are ways to make friends here, just new and less familiar ones.
 
chic said:
What I hate the most is thread hijacking. It doesn't happen in real life conversation.
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It happens in my real life conversations, a lot actually. It's usually when somebody is talking about something and it reminds somebody else of something from theirs & one other person in the group's shared past and they'll hi-jack the convo by interrupting, "Hey, that reminds me of the time So-and-So and I bla bla bla; remember, So-and-So? And So-and-So does indeed remember & the 2 of them take over the convo and go on and on about something nobody else but them knows about. (My Huzz's cousin & his wife are always doing this usually whenever I'm trying to talk about something.)

Or it'll be someone (almost always female) interrupting with something "cute" that their kid(s) or grandkid(s) have done that's "even cuter" than whatever the original speaker was trying to talk about. (I wonder if the women who do this often even realize they're doing it? I bet at least some of them do and don't care.)
 
MarciKS said:
it's also hard to get to know people online when they won't let you. or when they're not interested in getting to know you.
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Well the purpose of some of the sites I go to make male friends is to get to know others and some have told me they aren't interested and I'm kind of glad when they are honest about it. I've also told some men I'm not interested and been honest with them and been polite about it. I don't want someone who isn't interested. I won't force myself on them.
 
Ruthanne said:
Who is Siri?
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I never used Siri or Alexa, anything like that. When I bought my latest Windows 10 desktop, there was Cortana up in my ear. I couldn't stand it, don't want a voice watching what I'm doing or assuming what I want to search or need. I quickly muted the computer microphone and disabled the Cortana feature. Those helpful voices may be very good for some people, but I can't see myself ever having something like that in my home or on my computer. I don't have any navigation devices in any of my vehicles either, so there's nobody talking to me but my husband (or myself). :)
 
SeaBreeze said:
I never used Siri or Alexa, anything like that. When I bought my latest Windows 10 desktop, there was Cortana up in my ear. I couldn't stand it, don't want a voice watching what I'm doing or assuming what I want to search or need. I quickly muted the computer microphone and disabled the Cortana feature. Those helpful voices may be very good for some people, but I can't see myself ever having something like that in my home or on my computer. I don't have any navigation devices in any of my vehicles either, so there's nobody talking to me but my husband (or myself). :)
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I felt that way, don't like to be eavesdropped on by my devices. That said, last summer I learned the value of the Google Assistant, which I used to vigorously shunned. A friend's husband was helping me fix my AC unit on the roof- he pulled out his cell phone and asked Google how to take readings on a start capacitor that was in a unit that was running. Wow! From then on I was hooked.
 
I used to have an eBay store and would put every detail in my listing along with as many photos as allowed. Every time someone sent me a question it was for information that was in the listing. Or if a buyer purchased an item and received it, then they would send a message about wanting to return it because it was not big enough, red enough. new enough, etc. Yet all that information was in the listing. I believe people do not pay attention to details any longer. It is just the way they are.
 
katlupe said:
I used to have an eBay store and would put every detail in my listing along with as many photos as allowed. Every time someone sent me a question it was for information that was in the listing. Or if a buyer purchased an item and received it, then they would send a message about wanting to return it because it was not big enough, red enough. new enough, etc. Yet all that information was in the listing. I believe people do not pay attention to details any longer. It is just the way they are.
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Ditto...that's one of the main reasons I stopped selling on Ebay
 
officerripley said:
It happens in my real life conversations, a lot actually. It's usually when somebody is talking about something and it reminds somebody else of something from theirs & one other person in the group's shared past and they'll hi-jack the convo by interrupting, "Hey, that reminds me of the time So-and-So and I bla bla bla; remember, So-and-So? And So-and-So does indeed remember & the 2 of them take over the convo and go on and on about something nobody else but them knows about. (My Huzz's cousin & his wife are always doing this usually whenever I'm trying to talk about something.)
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My youngest son's wife does that. Used to drive me up the wall. When they were first married they'd come over to visit every week and on holidays, and I'd start a conversation with my son and she'd act like I was talking to her - like, I'd ask him How's the new car or whatever, and she'd answer. Every single time. My favorite ( :rolleyes: ) is when my son would ask how my last doctor visit went, and if I said they found, say, a cyst on my elbow or whatever, she had that, or she knows someone who did, and then I'd get to hear all about it.

After about a year of that I just had to let it go, cuz if I didn't I was never gonna like her. I could tell Liam didn't like it either, but he never said anything to her about it. (He did in private, but that's another story.) The only time me and Liam can just sit and talk about stuff we're really interested in is when we talk on the phone or he comes over by himself.
 
Murrmurr said:
My youngest son's wife does that. Used to drive me up the wall. When they were first married they'd come over to visit every week and on holidays, and I'd start a conversation with my son and she'd act like I was talking to her - like, I'd ask him How's the new car or whatever, and she'd answer. Every single time. My favorite ( :rolleyes: ) is when my son would ask how my last doctor visit went, and if I said they found, say, a cyst on my elbow or whatever, she had that, or she knows someone who did, and then I'd get to hear all about it.

After about a year of that I just had to let it go, cuz if I didn't I was never gonna like her. I could tell Liam didn't like it either, but he never said anything to her about it. (He did in private, but that's another story.) The only time me and Liam can just sit and talk about stuff we're really interested in is when we talk on the phone or he comes over by himself.
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I find that happens a lot in real life, too, I guess not everyone has the same set of conversation skills.
 
I mentioned this on another thread but it seems to fit in well here. When I first stuck my toe in to test the waters on the internet I wanted to just talk with people. Had pen-pals when I was younger and this seemed like the perfect modern solution. It was interesting at first. People came and went. Then it got weird. Alas, the world is a very strange place.
 
SetWave said:
I mentioned this on another thread but it seems to fit in well here. When I first stuck my toe in to test the waters on the internet I wanted to just talk with people. Had pen-pals when I was younger and this seemed like the perfect modern solution. It was interesting at first. People came and went. Then it got weird. Alas, the world is a very strange place.
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What happened when it got weird?
 
I've found what you're explaining happens on some of the pen pal sites I've visited in the past. In most cases things in your profile or written in correspondence you send are not noticed. I'd rather give someone the benefit of a doubt and assume their mistake was an honest one and not intentional. Then sometimes what one has written misses getting noticed. After a few such gaffs I give up on the person.

I personally have definitely missed sections in a profile or a correspondence, so I know it can be unintentional.

Once I've established a correspondence I sometimes notice some things from each of the people I communicate with and modify my writing to make more important points or information more noticeable.

I hope you find what you're looking for and that your frustration is reduced.
 
asp3 said:
I've found what you're explaining happens on some of the pen pal sites I've visited in the past. In most cases things in your profile or written in correspondence you send are not noticed. I'd rather give someone the benefit of a doubt and assume their mistake was an honest one and not intentional. Then sometimes what one has written misses getting noticed. After a few such gaffs I give up on the person.

I personally have definitely missed sections in a profile or a correspondence, so I know it can be unintentional.

Once I've established a correspondence I sometimes notice some things from each of the people I communicate with and modify my writing to make more important points or information more noticeable.

I hope you find what you're looking for and that your frustration is reduced.
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Thank you. The problem I experienced recently was in chatting with someone, though, who I had just told in the chat the things they were then repeating to ask. That's why I wondered if there was something going on with this person in their ability to communicate because the information that they were asking was just given to them in a direct message a few seconds before. I know it sounds strange and I have given up on trying to communicate with that particular person as it was just too difficult.
 
Ruthanne said:
Thank you. The problem I experienced recently was in chatting with someone, though, who I had just told in the chat the things they were then repeating to ask. That's why I wondered if there was something going on with this person in their ability to communicate because the information that they were asking was just given to them in a direct message a few seconds before. I know it sounds strange and I have given up on trying to communicate with that particular person as it was just too difficult.
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I've found some group chat interfaces that keep a limited chat history so that something I might have typed 10 or 20 minutes ago is already gone. Also I've noticed that a fair number of people don't look at recent history before joining the current chat. That's why I prefer forums, there is generally complete history, the threads are clearly defined and it's much easier to have back and forth with many people. However one does lose the immediate responses in chat. But even then one can miss what someone has written in an earlier post as I've done several times on this forum.
 
asp3 said:
I've found some group chat interfaces that keep a limited chat history so that something I might have typed 10 or 20 minutes ago is already gone. Also I've noticed that a fair number of people don't look at recent history before joining the current chat. That's why I prefer forums, there is generally complete history, the threads are clearly defined and it's much easier to have back and forth with many people. However one does lose the immediate responses in chat. But even then one can miss what someone has written in an earlier post as I've done several times on this forum.
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Well, this is not a limited chat. It is similar to our "conversations" here. You can see the info. right in front of you. I think the person I was communicating with may have been impaired in some way or on something.
 

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