Gaslighters Are Real, You're Not Crazy

SeaBreeze

SeaBreeze

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Podcast in link for anyone interested. I just caught the end of this NPR radio show and it caught my interest.

You're not crazy: Gaslighters are real​

We bandy about the phrase "gaslighting" a lot these days, maybe it's time for a refresher on what it really means. Kate Abramson, associate professor of philosophy at Indiana University Bloomington, joins host Krys Boyd to discuss what defines gaslighting, what motivates perpetrators, and why the idea intrigues us so. Her book is "On Gaslighting."

https://www.npr.org/podcasts/478859728/think
 

Did not listen to that podcast. Expect certain kinds of limited personalities with unstable belief systems and education are more likely to be susceptible to that kind of manipulation. Gaslighting manipulation would have little no effect on the rest of us and likely be readily recognized as such especially from those with political agendas.
 
David777 said:
Did not listen to that podcast. Expect certain kinds of limited personalities with unstable belief systems and education are more likely to be susceptible to that kind of manipulation. Gaslighting manipulation would have little no effect on the rest of us and likely be readily recognized as such especially from those with political agendas.
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I think it might happen to unsuspecting and trusting women, doesn't have to do with any politicians.
 
David777 said:
Did not listen to that podcast. Expect certain kinds of limited personalities with unstable belief systems and education are more likely to be susceptible to that kind of manipulation. Gaslighting manipulation would have little no effect on the rest of us and likely be readily recognized as such especially from those with political agendas.
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Also people who grew up in abusive households. Because the child is often blamed for things they had no control over. But the adults with the power blame them anyway.
 
A lot of people who can't face a truth or stubbornly hold a baseless opinion in judgement will also cry "gaslighting" these days when nothing of the sort is going on at all. The term is radically overused today, much as a child will cram her fingers in her ears and "La, la, la."
 
dilettante said:
A lot of people who can't face a truth or stubbornly hold a baseless opinion in judgement will also cry "gaslighting" these days when nothing of the sort is going on at all. The term is radically overused today, much as a child will cram her fingers in her ears and "La, la, la."
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While I think this is also true, it doesn't take away from the fact that gaslighting is real and can be damaging.
 
Remy said:
Also people who grew up in abusive households. Because the child is often blamed for things they had no control over. But the adults with the power blame them anyway.
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I know this true, but i also know that some who grow up with abuse will 1) become abusers or 2) become 'blamers' and emotional abusers.

All 3 of my sisters spent several years in 'Children's Home' in the 1940s. The youngest, because of being a put in 'double bind' (where nothing one does results in tolerable outcome) and being punished for something not her fault (she was maybe 4-5 yrs old) grew up very quick to assign blame for any/everything problematic.

To this day she will quite seriously blame others for things nobody is to blame for like the weather. And will blame anyone in a car with her as she drives for mistakes she makes like missing a turn (often because busy ranting about something else) including children too young drive if they are only ones in car and whom she may be taking somewhere the child hasn't been before but will fuss at them for not reminding her of her turn.

Yet if anyone DOES remind her, she will get offended and rant how she's not stupid. What is more she doesn't really listen to kids even tho claims to love them so when a child does try to help her when she's in one of her tizzies--like by showing her their mother's phone # in phone book because she misplaced it--she will dismiss their help without listening or looking, and continue her frenzied activity.
 
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‘Gaslighting’ is a commonly misused therapy buzzword. Here’s what it really means
“When we’re challenged or confronted or told, ‘Hey, I remember this differently,’ we might think we’re being gaslit, when actually we’re being confronted on a behavior and asked to change it — as opposed to being told that we’re bad or that we don’t remember things correctly or that we’re emotionally unstable,” said Vanessa Kennedy, director of psychology at Driftwood Recovery, a residential rehabilitation center in Texas.

Some people weaponize psychological terms like gaslighting when others simply do something they don’t like, which is wrong, said Monica Vermani, a Canada-based clinical psychologist and author of “A Deeper Wellness: Conquering Stress, Mood, Anxiety and Traumas.”
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Sure it can be misused. So can a lot of terms. One of the YouTube channels I watch, Dr. Ramani, even talked about the overuse of the term narcissism. She primarily focuses on narcissism. But she even admits it can be over used. Someone who may appear a bit full of themselves, over self confident or just a jerk, doesn't mean that are a narcissist.

The term borderline is also being overused. And I can tell you as someone raised by a full blown one, I know how they operate.
 
Remy said:
@feywon Abuse and trauma will mess people up in all kinds of ways.

I remember long before I was driving age, my mother made a stop she wanted to make. When the car wouldn't start, she started screaming at me that it was my fault because I wanted to stop at that place. That's a mind fk on a developing brain.
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So sorry you had to deal with that. And yeah it will mess people up in all sorts of ways. The sister i'm talking about also has a degree of disassociatve disorder. But if you try to talk to her about she becomes enraged claiming she can't be because she has a Masters in Psychology. In her early 80s unlikely she will get therapy she needs unless something extreme prompted psychiatric evaluation.

Thing is, a leading expert on that disorder points out that intelligent, creative people are prime candidates to develop it because it is protective mechanism (edit: and they often function well despite sometimes odd behaviors). She adored this Doc till we heard him speak at a convention and he emphasized that aspect of it. Apparently she conveniently forgot the parts in his book where he discussed that until the big deal of it was made in his speech and he Q & A after.
 
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I think the term narcissism is often misused because people have an incorrect notion of the mental health condition it describes.

And there is also the slightly different covert narcissist:

 
dilettante said:
A lot of people who can't face a truth or stubbornly hold a baseless opinion in judgement will also cry "gaslighting" these days when nothing of the sort is going on at all. The term is radically overused today, much as a child will cram her fingers in her ears and "La, la, la."
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True, and there are often public trends over using and mis-applying psychological terms. A few years back co-dependency was the big thing. That this happens does not, however, negate the reality of whatever unhealthy, problematic behavior.

Also, keep in mind language is often misused especially when referring to human behavior. Consider the fact that the words stubborn and persistent are often used to describe the same behaviors. The difference often lies in whether the person labeling the behavior is favorably impressed by it or it is somehow an inconvenience or annoyance for them.
 
Remy said:
Sure it can be misused. So can a lot of terms. One of the YouTube channels I watch, Dr. Ramani, even talked about the overuse of the term narcissism. She primarily focuses on narcissism. But she even admits it can be over used. Someone who may appear a bit full of themselves, over self confident or just a jerk, doesn't mean that are a narcissist.

The term borderline is also being overused. And I can tell you as someone raised by a full blown one, I know how they operate.
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Oh, i sometimes watch Dr Ramani too. Her openness about how not cut and dry psychology is--one of the things i like about her.
 
dilettante said:
Yes and no.

"Stubborn" is willful, where "persistent" doesn't add that nuance.
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But what do the behaviors look like?

Sometimes that 'nuance' of willfullness is in the eye of the beholder, their perception because the other's behavior is not what they expected or wanted.

I have no doubt that more than one medical doctor i've seen thought me stubborn for questioning a drug they wanted to give me or wanting a second opinion or specialist referral. But due to the positive outcome every time i stuck to my decisions i'm not about to modify my proactive patient M.O.

Fortunately, i learned half my life ago to be selective in whose opinions carry weight with me. So they can think what they want.
 

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