Get married later in life?

I never got married and I never will. I knew a woman in her 90's. Her second husband lived to 100. She was widowed twice and told me "I had two wonderful husbands." But when she spoke of her second husband, there was a spark there that wasn't when she spoke of her first husband and she had 4 children with him. She married her second husband in her 70's and he was over 80. I think he was the true love of her life. Just never know how it's going to work out.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
 
fancicoffee13 said:
I thought it was a great idea, but almost 3 years later, I am wondering if being alone wasn't a better idea. Anyone else?
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It doesn't matter when you get married in life, you really have to learn to give and take. Once the balance between give and take is broken, difficulties arise and partners feel they are not getting too much from their relationship.

Give and take is a mechanism inherent to all personal relationships, you cannot expect to receive something if you don’t offer on your own turn. Once the balance between give and take is broken, difficulties arise and partners feel they are not getting too much from their relationship. The real problem is, in fact, not giving enough, you reap what you sow, as the biblical saying puts it.

As long as the relationship is void of physical violence then what you should do is engage in conversation.
Conversation is not just about exchanging information, tell your other half the feelings that you might have expressed here, or elsewhere. Mutual help is a way of not only knowing dissolution but sharing the reasons why. Giving compliments goes a long way. Small compliments like, thank you, I enjoyed that, after eating a meal that had been prepared and cooked for you. Complimenting appearance is good too. When I say small, it doesn't get much smaller than my darling lady telling me that it was kind of me to open the lavatory window and spray the toilet after stinky had been there and brushing away any residue stains. You might laugh and you might like to wallow in your own pong but others don't.

Give each other space, freedom to do that which doesn't interest you. That might mean the ultimate in trust. We have been ballroom dancers for decades, we have to trust each other when we see either of us dancing in the arms of another. A remark like: "You fancy her/him sets the tone for mistrust. What we have both honestly admitted and exchanged on, is the fact that it's all but inevitable that physical attraction is inevitable, what we have learned is to enjoy the view but leave well alone, that in turn makes for the friendship of that attraction, all the more enjoyable. Keeping that in mind has helped us reach our 55th (almost) wedding anniversary and that's without the bond of children.
 
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hollydolly said:
Well, my husband has been gone now 15 months.. and already I feel I couldn't cope with another one.. ..
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Yes you can, reason being, even though I don't know you in life, you understand the concept of give and take.
The pain of your separation is alien to me, but given all that I can glean from your postings I would say that you are well rid.
And just to confuse our American cousins I would add that his departure is his loss, your gain. What a tosser!
 
I was in my late 30s when my first husband died, and after a while I was able to move on. My second husband died a little over 2 years ago, but I still feel married. Someone said once that a relationship doesn't end when one person dies, it continues in your heart and your mind. I think if I were younger I might feel differently, but right now I can't imagine being married to anyone else.
 
hollydolly said:
I just can't imagine the horrific grief of losing a partner to death..twice..or more.. :(
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It is horrific....But not always. To lighten things up a bit, let me tell you of when my brother-in-law died at the age of 55.

My sister's husband was terribly controlling, and abusive fueled by his alcoholism. After 30 yrs of marriage, my sister finally decided to divorce and had seen a lawyer. Husband became ill and was hospitalized. He died the first night he was in the hospital.

At the funeral home, my sister said to me "if I don't look like a grieving widow, just remind me of when my dog died."
 
Kika said:
It is horrific....But not always. To lighten things up a bit, let me tell you of when my brother-in-law died at the age of 55.

My sister's husband was terribly controlling, and abusive fueled by his alcoholism. After 30 yrs of marriage, my sister finally decided to divorce and had seen a lawyer. Husband became ill and was hospitalized. He died the first night he was in the hospital.

At the funeral home, my sister said to me "if I don't look like a grieving widow, just remind me of when my dog died."
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lol... that aside... I was talking about losing 2 or more husbands to death ... I can't imagine going through that horrible grief more than once
 
fancicoffee13 said:
I thought it was a great idea, but almost 3 years later, I am wondering if being alone wasn't a better idea. Anyone else?
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Ive thought about it and figured I wouldn’t unless there was some specific advantage unavailable otherwise. It isn’t like we’d be starting a family or merging in any way that could supersede our original marriage.
 
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hollydolly said:
Kat don't answer this if you'd rather not...I will completely understand that it may be too private.. but I'd love to know why someone would marry 3 times or more..:unsure:
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That's okay, I don't mind. My first husband left me for a dancer. So the first guy that I saw during that break up time was an old boyfriend, who by this time was an alcoholic. I thought he needed me to help him. We were only married for 2 years. I barely drank and even the marriage counselor urged me to leave him.

My third husband, I loved. We had a great relationship for about 12 years. Then living on our off the grid homestead and not having enough money to live wore me down until I did not want to be there. Took me a number of years to find a way out of there. My social security helped. I would never do it again.
 
katlupe said:
That's okay, I don't mind. My first husband left me for a dancer. So the first guy that I saw during that break up time was an old boyfriend, who by this time was an alcoholic. I thought he needed me to help him. We were only married for 2 years. I barely drank and even the marriage counselor urged me to leave him.

My third husband, I loved. We had a great relationship for about 12 years. Then living on our off the grid homestead and not having enough money to live wore me down until I did not want to be there. Took me a number of years to find a way out of there. My social security helped. I would never do it again.
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Thanks Kat... so sorry you had the horrible experience of both Infidelity and addiction.. me too.. :cry:
 
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