Get married later in life?

My mother was married five times. She once told me, "You can love someone enough to marry them...but you have to like them to live with them!"

In her generation, a woman was a failure unless she married. Status and money came from being married to the "right kind of man".

My two oldest siblings haven't been able to have a good long-term relationship. I lived with my partner for seven years before we decided to get married. We had worked out all the differences and had similar tastes and priorities. We're still together and still very happy, still best friends too, after 48 yrs.

We give one another space to be private, but we're together whenever we want to be.
 

Get married later in life?​


She'd have to be a hell of a woman to even come close to what I have now.

I plan on croaking first
But
If she goes first?
I'm gettin' a wolf pup and headin' to the cabin
Maybe a coyote pup
That'd keep me busy, especially during mating season...

or

Buy an old shack on the coast
I'll be the irritating ol' guy in the taproom, at the end of the bar

I'm not fit for another woman
Too rotten spoiled
 
I’ll soon be 62 and I wouldn’t mind trying marriage just once, but she has to be a very special lady. I like doing most things, trying things I have never done before, going to the theater, eating at great restaurants, taking long walks, if she is a runner, that’s fine too. I have a love affair with seafood. You name it, I probably have eaten it. I once flew out to San Francisco because I heard the Sheraton Inn at Fishermans Wharf had the best seafood buffet in the U.S. according to Condé Nast Traveler. It was good, but I only gave it a B+.

I’m in Jacksonville, Florida right now. It’s 63 degrees here, but today was a beautiful day. Love watching those Navy jets flying overhead.
 
Right Now said:
Marry again later in life? Nope, no way. I've been on my own for 15 years now, no man living with me, and I'm very happy.
Click to expand...
It is so hard to get clear on what marriage could or should mean, why not just talk about what you want without any sense of expectation. And listen hard for what expectations may be in play on the other side. Assume nothing. But what do I know I’ve been married almost 40 years. It would be hard to start over.
 
I divorced at 48 and just assumed I would marry again, but haven't. I've come to realize I'm very happy as a single person doing what I want, I havent been on a date in 3 years. The funny thing is women have always liked me (I truly dont know why), Im 62 now and I still get hit on or attempted fix ups. I now decline and say something like "I'm flattered but I'm no prize, I would only disappoint". And I am being sincere, at this point in my life I would not be happy in a marriage or even a daily relationship.

Heck just the thought of having to give up half the bed at night is enough to keep me single, I sure like sleeping alone.
 
C50 said:
I divorced at 48 and just assumed I would marry again, but haven't. I've come to realize I'm very happy as a single person doing what I want, I havent been on a date in 3 years. The funny thing is women have always liked me (I truly dont know why), Im 62 now and I still get hit on or attempted fix ups. I now decline and say something like "I'm flattered but I'm no prize, I would only disappoint". And I am being sincere, at this point in my life I would not be happy in a marriage or even a daily relationship.

Heck just the thought of having to give up half the bed at night is enough to keep me single, I sure like sleeping alone.
Click to expand...

I can relate to that. About a year ago my wife had cervical spine surgery and so I moved into the guest room again like I did when I got a knee replacement about a year before her surgery. It finally dawned on me how much I preferred to sleep alone. We both get up many times to pee at night and having to get woken up even more times when the other goes seems stupid. On top of that I tend to fall asleep quickly between 8 and 9 while she would often want a light to read by or a television on to midnight. Frustrating.

Cuddling and whoopee can happen either place but I never like those to happen when I’m tired anyway. So sharing sleeping space seems beside the point. Now we have kept separate beds for sleeping and are both happier.
 
fancicoffee13 said:
I thought it was a great idea, but almost 3 years later, I am wondering if being alone wasn't a better idea. Anyone else?
Click to expand...
I was married for 19 years and now divorced for 25. I'm not opposed to marriage, but I'm more content in my life now than I ever have been than I can remember. I enjoyed parts of my marriage, and when it was good, it was very good, but throughout there was a constant struggle and hard feelings, which is simply not part of my life now. I've had a couple of relationships during the last 25 years, lasting as long as 3 years, but marriage was never under consideration. My 19 year partnership didn't really seem worth it in the end, so I'm gun shy about trying it again. I think a lot depends on two people finding something special together. But I know I wouldn't want the kind of marriage I had. It wasn't terrible, but being alone right now is much more satisfying. I do think a satisfying marriage is possible for everyone. It's a matter of finding the right one, and that's always a gamble. At least that's the way it seems to me. I lean toward belieiving once was enough.
 
I'm content at this stage of my life. I've been divorced for over ten years (closer to 15). Although I'm in a relationship now with a nice man, we both ruled out marriage from the outset. There may come a time that we'll live together but even that seems like a big step. To those of you in good, solid relationships (marital or not), I'm happy for you. You have been given a wonderful gift.
 
Last edited:
JustDave said:
I was married for 19 years and now divorced for 25. I'm not opposed to marriage, but I'm more content in my life now than I ever have been than I can remember. I enjoyed parts of my marriage, and when it was good, it was very good, but throughout there was a constant struggle and hard feelings, which is simply not part of my life now. I've had a couple of relationships during the last 25 years, lasting as long as 3 years, but marriage was never under consideration. My 19 year partnership didn't really seem worth it in the end, so I'm gun shy about trying it again. I think a lot depends on two people finding something special together. But I know I wouldn't want the kind of marriage I had. It wasn't terrible, but being alone right now is much more satisfying. I do think a satisfying marriage is possible for everyone. It's a matter of finding the right one, and that's always a gamble. At least that's the way it seems to me. I lean toward belieiving once was enough.
Click to expand...
This is mostly the same way I feel about not wanting to try another time. You must realize all that should be special between two people must stay special. That's the hard part, keeping it special and not letting daily issues and difference in personality creates a wedge that you can't ignore.
 
I'm surprised at how many of us in this forum are so content with being single. I don't know what I should have expected, but everywhere else I look it seems like everyone is married. I always thought being single was a tiny minority. But I gravitate toward rural areas, and always have, and I have a vague suspicion that such areas don't lend themselves to singles unless one is prone to be a bit of a hermit. I spent a half year in Southern California, and it seemed like there were lots of single women there who were available. I would guess single men too, but I wasn't paying attention to that sector.
 
I, too, am surprised at the responses here. It seems we have recognized what makes us happy as we have aged. Maybe getting to know one another and appreciating our differences brings us more enjoyment short term instead of commitment long term.

I know I still like learning about a new friend, teasing, flirting, and genuine caring that comes with any new relationship. It is a freedom that makes me smile at the end of the day. Easy times with no pressure. Yep, I'll choose the easy friendships.
 
I have also been married 3 times. I got married at 18 and it lasted 3 years and then I divorced him when I realized he was cheating. I remarried at 22 and stayed 22 years until my youngest was 18. He was very controlling and had a bad temper.

5 months later I met my third husband. I told him once we started living together that I was never marrying again. We lived together for 6 years and it was really good during that time. We took custody of his 14 year old son, got married and bought a house.

We were together a total of 23 years. He became very lazy over time and I did everything. The last few years he became mean, critical and I found out he had been cheating for years. After numerous attempts to save the marriage I decided that I was too old for this crap and divorced him.

I have been alone for almost 2 years and really like it. I miss the good parts of course but I will never live with anyone again. Most women I meet feel the same way but the men tend to want to live with someone. I wouldn’t mind the type of relationship that Kat has.
 
Even though I say, "yuk marriage", I don't mean that for anyone else. I wanted to like it, I really did. My parents had a great marriage and so did all my aunts and uncles. I really like living alone and not having to do for someone else. It is all I can do to do for myself and I keep everything neat and clean. I love being able to get up in the middle of the night and turn on my computer or the light to read. Nobody to explain to. After 4 years, I am now set in my ways. I have a relationship but we are not together that often now due to my BF's health. Usually just for him to take me to run errands or appointments. Talk on the phone several times a day though.
 
fancicoffee13 said:
I thought it was a great idea, but almost 3 years later, I am wondering if being alone wasn't a better idea. Anyone else?
Click to expand...
Hugs to you. When you said you were getting married again I thought it was a big mistake. Then you disappeared for awhile and came back, I thought you were going to say you were single again, but you didn't.

I find you to be one of the most compassionate, authentic, honest people I have met here on SF. Even though we are so different in some ways, I feel in tune with you somehow.

You had the best of intentions. Don't rush into separation as fast as you rushed into this marriage. The best for you. I mean that.
 
Pepper said:
Hugs to you. When you said you were getting married again I thought it was a big mistake. Then you disappeared for awhile and came back, I thought you were going to say you were single again, but you didn't.

I find you to be one of the most compassionate, authentic, honest people I have met here on SF. Even though we are so different in some ways, I feel in tune with you somehow.

You had the best of intentions. Don't rush into separation as fast as you rushed into this marriage. The best for you. I mean that.
Click to expand...
Thank you for saying all that. I try so hard not rush into anything. I love this community because there are wonderful people (seniors) here and I can connect on so many levels. I am thinking he put on a front for a couple of years, and now the real him is coming out. He does need help, but doesn't listen in order to get it. He really is a good person but I am so stressed out and as a senior I don't need that. I do have a lovely daughter I am talking to and she is there for me. Again, these boards are giving me help and he does not do "tech" stuff, including getting on computers. Thank you again. You are so sweet.
 
I didn't marry until I was 31. I was always on the go, and everywhere I went, I managed to meet men I liked immensely, but not enough to marry.
I had dated my husband off and on for a few years, and we decided to take the big step. Our son was born 2 years later, and when he was only a couple of months old, my husband was called up to fly in the Viet Nam War. Well, I was not happy with this, but ever the patriot, he convinced me it was the right thing to do. Only 2 months later, and he was shot down over the South China Sea. He never had a chance. Several reasons kept me from remarrying. While I've dated frequently throughout the years, I am still happily single. My son and I have a terrific relationship. He was recently widowed and now has a girlfriend. So, all is well with me as far as I am concerned.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top