Getting Old and Unhappy

DebraHartman said:
I am 72 years old, in good health, but having difficulty dealing with getting old. I have everything I need in life but I am not happy. What is wrong with me?
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Maybe your problem is that you "have everything you need in life."

Try challenging yourself in some way. Learn to play a musical instrument or learn some other skill. Become an expert at something, just for the hell of it.

Or look at the PERMA model for happiness...

P – Positive Emotions
Positive Emotion is much more than happiness. Positive emotions include hope, joy, love, compassion, amusement, and gratitude. Positive emotions are a prime indicator of flourishing (Fredrickson, 2001) and can be cultivated. However, this does not mean we need to repress negative emotions. Instead, we can accept all emotional experiences but expose ourselves to situations where positive emotions arise naturally.

E – Engagement
According to Seligman, engagement is being one with the music (2012). Engagement is similar to the concept of flow. It refers to a loss of self-consciousness and complete absorption in an activity. It is mindfully focusing on the task at hand.

R – Relationships
Relationships encompass all the interactions individuals have with partners, friends, family members, and their community at large. This part of the model refers to feeling supported, loved, and valued by others.

M – Meaning
Meaning is defined as belonging and serving something greater than ourselves. Having a purpose helps individuals focus on what is important in the face of significant challenges or adversity (Seligman, 2012).

A – Accomplishments
A sense of accomplishment results from mastering an endeavor and working towards goals. Achievements contribute to wellbeing because individuals can look at their lives with a sense of pride.
https://positivepsychology.com/perma-model/
 
DebraHartman said:
. My husband is satisfied sitting at home, but I want more. Ideas?
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Lets start with the ideas YOU have. Reading about what others say about being grateful & doing what you think you would do to be happy are two different things.

I'll be blunt here.

What will improve your quality of life & why aren't you doing them?
 

DebraHartman said:
I read all these things saying I should be grateful for all I have, and I try, but I am not very successful at it. I have more than most do, but I feel lonely and sad much of the time. I want more friends and activities. My husband is satisfied sitting at home, but I want more. Ideas?
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Try doing the things you fantasize about?
 
chic said:
Try doing the things you fantasize about?
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😲
Oh @chic, that may prove to be difficult!!! Yeah, I know my mind's weird today... I own it! :ROFLMAO:


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Many of us have difficulties facing this part of our lives, so you aren't alone in that. I hope at least it helps that you're in good health and your needs are being met. [Getting older is better than the alternative, right?]

Welcome to the forum. It's a good place to express and share your feelings.
 
DebraHartman said:
I am 72 years old, in good health, but having difficulty dealing with getting old. I have everything I need in life but I am not happy. What is wrong with me?
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I'd guess that you are going through a normal phase of readjusting your identity in retirement. I don't know anything about psychology, but I remember reading a book once that said children who were adopted, or products of rape or incest, etc., need to know that prior to puberty, because there is a major identity creation phase during puberty and getting unexpected information after puberty will cause a person to have to psychologically rework their identity which is confusing and uncomfortable.

So probably it is also confusing and uncomfortable to rework our identity in retirement.

This is an okayish TED talk about stages of retirement, I'm still in phase 1 but I occasionally have thoughts indicative of phase 2.

 
The problem, as I see it, is your understanding of happiness.
It isn't a level or state of being that one achieves.
It is joyful moments strung together in a rather continuous thread that one decides to focus on (The sun shining on your face, a warm cup of coffee in the morning, a walk or ride in nature, listening to your favorite music, etc...)

I am reminded of a quote I heard years ago that goes like this: "If you are not happy with what you have, then you won't be happy with what you want".

We often think the grass is greener some other place instead of watering the grass where we are. Take time every day to focus on moments of joy going on around you, and even create them. If you change your perspective, you can change your reality.
 

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