Getting Personal Once Again...

Bretrick said:
I too am prone to tearing up.
Watching abused animal videos really saddens me.
Sad movies bring on tears.
Even movies that deal with happy families make me cry because I never had happiness in my childhood, teenage years.
I do not watch "happy family" movies because I know it will effect my negatively.
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Bretrick,
Except for a few years at the beginning, I never really had a happy marriage. Consequently, much like you, I can't stand loving husband/wife movies.

-David-
 

Twostep said:
The White Wolves are very comfortable in my head. SO knows them and so do a couple of close friends. Once a story line is on paper it is rigid not a story anymore which evolves.
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The printed or digital word is not rigid. The delete key. It is very much still a story that can evolve in any way. Just my two cents.

-David-
 
The first funeral I attended was for a friend. I must of been about 17. I somehow got started laughing and absolutely could not stop…hysterical. I always cry at weddings. I cry when I get the feeling something is very important to someone. I cry when others cry. But not always when others might. I am sorry about some things in my life…and totally without remorse for other…some would think terrible…things. David…forgive yourself…that is the only forgiveness that counts. Peace will follow.
 
I think more men are starting to embrace their vulnerable sides. It is brave of you to share yours here. I hope you can start to forgive yourself so you can start healing. From your account, you have nothing to feel guilty for. You lashed out due to the hurt you felt and that happens. We are only human after all. You were a good husband for 20 years or more, despite the verbal and emotional abuse you suffered. You made amends when your wife was on her dying bed. Now it's time for you to "make amends" with yourself.
 
When I witness functional, happy families, parents and their children interacting with some level of mutual respect and gladness, I'm gripped within myself with grief for everyone in my birth family and the endless loops of petty little hurts and recriminations that ricocheted back and forth between all of us. We were a joyless family and it all could have been so different.
I'm the only one of us still alive.
 
Repondering said:
When I witness functional, happy families, parents and their children interacting with some level of mutual respect and gladness, I'm gripped within myself with grief for everyone in my birth family and the endless loops of petty little hurts and recriminations that ricocheted back and forth between all of us. We were a joyless family and it all could have been so different.
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Same here.
 
I don't cry often and it used to bother me, it definitely bothers other people and has caused problems. Two wives, a couple gfs (one I was about to marry). Siblings, parents and friends.......Not a tear. When someone passes, I go off to myself and quietly mourn for about an hour. That's it. Strange thing is, sometimes a movie scene will make liquid form in my eyes. I'm not a cold person and do have feelings. I just manage them........and nope, never blow up after awhile.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
I think more men are starting to embrace their vulnerable sides. It is brave of you to share yours here. I hope you can start to forgive yourself so you can start healing. From your account, you have nothing to feel guilty for. You lashed out due to the hurt you felt and that happens. We are only human after all. You were a good husband for 20 years or more, despite the verbal and emotional abuse you suffered. You made amends when your wife was on her dying bed. Now it's time for you to "make amends" with yourself.
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OED,

I hope you were responding to my posts. If not, I apologize for hijacking your comments.

Very much easier said than done. However, I thank you for the sentiment. I have noticed that loneliness, sadness and malaise fosters more guilt. I can more-or-less stay on an even keel, but I can not feel happy. Life itself dulls that possibility, so far.

-David-
 
Oldeagle66 said:
I don't cry often and it used to bother me, it definitely bothers other people and has caused problems. Two wives, a couple gfs (one I was about to marry). Siblings, parents and friends.......Not a tear. When someone passes, I go off to myself and quietly mourn for about an hour. That's it. Strange thing is, sometimes a movie scene will make liquid form in my eyes. I'm not a cold person and do have feelings. I just manage them........and nope, never blow up after awhile.
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That's how I am. I wish I wasn't, but it cannot forcibly be changed. I sometimes feel that being that way makes it harder for me to process grief and move past it.
 
David later version said:
OED,

I hope you were responding to my posts. If not, I apologize for hijacking your comments.

Very much easier said than done. However, I thank you for the sentiment. I have noticed that loneliness, sadness and malaise fosters more guilt. I can more-or-less stay on an even keel, but I can not feel happy. Life itself dulls that possibility, so far.

-David-
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I was responding to you David and since you started the thread, I didn't "tag" you. I understand, from personal experience and that of others, that often things are easier said than done. I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. I sincerely hope things get better for you.
 
David later version said:
My sister and I are very different people. Monday calls are not regimented; they are the minimum we agreed upon so we know how each other is doing. She is a senior (though slightly younger than me) as well.

I don't have any goals other than I would like to finish and publish the three novels I am working on.

-David-
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That sounds like a good goal but if I may, I suggest you select one novel as a priority and pour yourself into accomplishing that one. Then if practicable, take a break and refresh yourself.

Loneliness can be very debilitating but how much so depends on what you (we) decide to do about it. Perhaps completing the first of three unfinished novels will ease the loneliness feelings.
 
Warrigal said:
That sounds like a good goal but if I may, I suggest you select one novel as a priority and pour yourself into accomplishing that one. Then if practicable, take a break and refresh yourself.

Loneliness can be very debilitating but how much so depends on what you (we) decide to do about it. Perhaps completing the first of three unfinished novels will ease the loneliness feelings.
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I didn't mean to suggest that I want to complete all three at once. Many authors have several works in progress sitting around. I know exactly the order I wish to finish first. The problem is having the muse to draw on to sit down and begin writing again.
 
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