Gifts and Attendance at Bridal and Baby Showers, Weddings, etc.,

StarSong

StarSong

Awkward is my Superpower
Location
Los Angeles Suburbs
One of the problems with getting older is being out of touch on certain things. Gifts, for instance.

I go to bridal showers which seem to now include EVERY female invited to the wedding rather than only relatives and close friends. I recently attended a baby shower that had over 50 women attending - AND the mother-to-be had already been thrown a shower at her job. Bridal showers are the same kind of scenario. Intimate parties are no more. Gift opening generally takes over an hour. Yawn!

My go-to shower gift is either an Amazon gift card or cash (usually $30-$50 depending on how well I know the person). Weddings I give $200-$300. The baby has been born? I don't know what to give anymore. Before birth these babies already have closets stuffed with clothing and bedrooms loaded with gear, so forget about picking up an adorable outfit. So does that mean another gift card/cash gift? I honestly don't know what's appropriate or expected anymore.

I am happy to attend weddings, anniversary and big birthday parties, but if I never went to another bridal or baby shower outside of my immediate family it would be too soon. Is it just me? I'd really appreciate some input on this.
 

In my family wedding showers have become a couples event similar to a cocktail party or a Superbowl party, very very informal.

The baby showers have shifted to be more like a birthday party or welcome home for the new arrival again very very informal.

On those rare occasions that I receive an email or second-hand invite to one, I send a card with some cash.

Times have changed from the days of formal invitations, goofy little games, cake and ice cream, etc...
 
I am going crazy for the last 2 months between Baby Showers, Bridal showers and weddings. I always worry about what would be the best thing to give. It helps a lot when people have a registry with a list of things they would like. As far as weddings go I always give money. I do like what they call display showers. You don't wrap your gift you just attach the card to it and they place it on a table with all the other gifts. No sitting around watching the person whose shower it is have to open all the gifts.
 

Oh good grief, one of my biggest pet peeves! I have made it known to all our kids/nieces/nephews/family that I don't "do" showers. They have turned everything into such productions nowadays that I feel lost in the shuffle anyhow. So I usually go to their 400-page "registry" :rolleyes: and select a gift and have it sent to them. Done and done.
 
Showers, weddings, funerals, bar/bat mitzvah parties: Hell no, I won't go! (My immediate family has finished with those events, which I attended.) I send a $50 Amazon gift card, except to the funerals.
 
I guess I have a rather boring, conservative circle of friends. I love going to showers which usually consist of cake, punch, games, gifts. I usually give a variety of books(nursery rhymes, fairy tales, fables etc) for baby showers and always include something I copied from the internet about how reading to your child encourages parent/child bonding as well as improving their skills once they get into school.

The best wedding shower I went to was a pot luck recipe shower. The bride to be and groom both had student loans, both were working a lot of hours so the brides sister sent out invitations and we all cooked one of our favorite easy make dishes (casserole, dessert, salad) and we filled out a recipe card. Our recipes needed to be something low cost, easy to find ingredients, can be made in 1 hour or less. The recipes were put in a nice recipe box. That was a fun shower.

At work, we would check to see what kind of a big item a couple needed for baby or wedding. We'd take up a voluntary collection, provide a really nice card to sign. That way if someone who didn't make as much could only contribute a couple of dollars and someone in management could contribute more-it was confidential. All the money was pooled together and we'd get the nice stroller, car seat, etc. from all of us and we'd have a simple shower with cake or cookies, punch, games.

I've never been to any kind of shower that was overdone or overpriced. I still feel that a handwritten thank you note is a must. Not all do that in this era.

I don't always attend weddings, especially if they cost more than some peoples houses- but I do like retirement parties, birthday parties especially for smaller children(who are kind of like cats that prefer to play with the boxes and wrapping paper). I like card showers for someone who reached 100. In fact, I prefer a card shower for me, especially if someone makes me a really silly or funny card reflecting an event we shared. Those are usually simple affairs: cake, snacks, punch, reading the cards outloud.
 
Your recent experiences are very unlike mine, dkay. I find many events to be very overdone, overpriced, and (dare I say it?) more than a smidge pretentious. Lots of one-upmanship, Pinterest style.
 
treeguy64 said:
Showers, weddings, funerals, bar/bat mitzvah parties: Hell no, I won't go! (My immediate family has finished with those events, which I attended.) I send a $50 Amazon gift card, except to the funerals.
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My son just had to go to a baby shower, whaaaa?... I can see a Jack & Jill instead of separate wedding shower/stag party, but he really didn't want to go to this baby shower. Is he wrong?
 
I like Sassycakes Display Showers. If you have to go, that's the way to go. No endless unwrapping with bows stuck to a paper plate and plopped onto the head of the recipient!

I'm glad I don't know anyone anymore, close enough to invite me to a shower. I do miss a nice church wedding though.
 
Dkay, I have to say it's good for you to have fun, no matter what. May you continue to enjoy planning and participating in celebrations!

Like SS, not all of us get invited to down- to -earth people's "events".
 
StarSong said:
Your recent experiences are very unlike mine, dkay. I find many events to be very overdone, overpriced, and (dare I say it?) more than a smidge pretentious. Lots of one-upmanship, Pinterest style.
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DITTO. I refer to them as "gift grabs." The invitation list is anyone they apparently ever exchanged a "hello" with.
 
I love big weddings, major birthday, anniversary and other milestone parties, but showers have become more like massive gift grabs than intimate supportive gatherings among close friends and family.

Staying with my curmudgeonly attitude on the entire topic, bridal showers were meant to help brides and grooms set up their brand new households together. Every wedding I've attended over the past 30 years has been between a bride and groom who've lived together for several years with a complete household. They already own everything from high-end blenders to furniture. Why are people throwing these gigantic showers?
 
StarSong said:
I love big weddings, major birthday, anniversary and other milestone parties, but showers have become more like massive gift grabs than intimate supportive gatherings among close friends and family.

Staying with my curmudgeonly attitude on the entire topic, bridal showers were meant to help brides and grooms set up their brand new households together. Every wedding I've attended over the past 30 years has been between a bride and groom who've lived together for several years with a complete household. They already own everything from high-end blenders to furniture. Why are people throwing these gigantic showers?
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I wonder the same things! Greed? A paid trip to the Bahamas as a "Honeymoon"? What does Emily Post say... and just who was Emily Post, anyway? LOL!
 
RadishRose said:
I wonder the same things! Greed? A paid trip to the Bahamas as a "Honeymoon"?
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O.M.G... those internet pages the bride and groom set up now for "donations" for the honeymoon. What the heck??? An in-law of ours and his bride-to-be were planning a honeymoon in Italy. On their "Fund Us" page :rolleyes:, a person could select to pay for a "breakfast at blah, blah restaurant... $200" or 50 other equally ridiculous amounts. I was flabbergasted by the sheer nerve. (And may I say, if I'm paying for anyone to eat breakfast in Italy, it will be ME.)

Then we have a niece who has just had "gigantic extravaganza wedding"... Number THREE. She's not even 30, for Pete's sake. Complete with flowing WHITE gown, sit down dinner reception, yadda-yadda. Where does this absurdity end?? I sent them a card and a hearty "congrats." With all her other weddings she shouldn't need so much as a dishtowel. She's a sweet girl but I've bought her enough wedding gifts.

OK. I need to sit this thread out on the "Curmudgeon Bench". :lol:
 
Maybe part of this is the effect of bars that keeps getting raised. I mean, bachelor and bachelorette vacations with their respective groomsmen and bridesmaids (long weekends in Vegas, cruises, etc.)? It used to be a night out with one's pals. Now it's a long weekend - or longer - of debauchery. Perhaps simple showers with 15-20 of one's nearest and dearest just aren't splashy enough anymore.

It IS reassuring to learn that it's not just me.
 

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