Girlfriend is gone for good in 30 minutes.

Robert59 said:
Girlfriend's sister called me today and said all her sisters doctor's are wrong because her sister doesn't have Dementia. All this is Bi-polar type 1. She has sign's of Dementia but sister says it Bi-polar.
Click to expand...
The sister may be correct. She probably had your girlfriend assessed by the group home medical staff. Some bi-polar symptoms do look like a form of dementia, so it can be misdiagnosed.
 
Robert59 said:
Now I'm looking for another roomate that helps pay half of the bills. I'm thinking about giving them free rent but they would have to live with me. Most people don't want to live with their landlord. What do you think about this?
Click to expand...
Depends on if you are just renting out a bedroom to someone. Charge them the amount of half of the bills. Some people do this.
 
Robert59 said:
Now I'm looking for another roomate that helps pay half of the bills. I'm thinking about giving them free rent but they would have to live with me. Most people don't want to live with their landlord. What do you think about this?
Click to expand...
A friendly dog would be a lot less trouble, imo, but they don't help at all with the bills. If the monthly bills are hard to keep up with, then a room mate would be helpful, but you gotta be so super careful these days or you could wind up buried in your own backyard while your room mate collects your checks.

Have you looked into getting senior and low-income discounts on monthly utility bills? Where I am, both our major utility companies offer very significant monthly discounts for people living alone whose income is less than $32,000 a year. The cable company does, too. I get $30 off my internet service every month. Also, my state gives these food-only debit cards to low-income people, and (every month) they give you a dollar amount that's just about equal to your utility costs.

So maybe look into that stuff before looking for a room mate.
 
Robert59 said:
I will check this out. Thanks.
Click to expand...


Murrmurr said:
A friendly dog would be a lot less trouble, imo, but they don't help at all with the bills. If the monthly bills are hard to keep up with, then a room mate would be helpful, but you gotta be so super careful these days or you could wind up buried in your own backyard while your room mate collects your checks.

Have you looked into getting senior and low-income discounts on monthly utility bills? Where I am, both our major utility companies offer very significant monthly discounts for people living alone whose income is less than $32,000 a year. The cable company does, too. I get $30 off my internet service every month. Also, my state gives these food-only debit cards to low-income people, and (every month) they give you a dollar amount that's just about equal to your utility costs.

So maybe look into that stuff before looking for a room mate.
Click to expand...
 
Living with strangers can be fun, or a nightmare. Everyone has needs and expectations re privacy, noise, mess, alcohol, cooking, visitors, etc., and it can get pretty complicated. I'd say if you've never done it before, it would be too risky.

An alternative would be to rent a room out for short periods. Or, depending on where you live, rent it as a home-away-from-home for someone who comes to your town on weekends or something. That way, the restrictions or inconveniences aren't too terrible for either party.
 
My wife and I had done some research and there are some very nice senior community options in Michigan. Most have alot of activities so you can enjoy company when you want, as well as privacy.
 
Robert59 said:
Now thinking about moving in a senior appartment after selling my house. What do you all think about this?
Click to expand...
It is worth taking a look at a senior apartment. You may like it. There are different set-ups in different places. Over 55, Assisted living, etc. Looking can make you think of what you would like and what would be helpful to you.
 
Robert59 said:
My girlfriend's sister took her away in 30 minutes. She been with me for seven years and sister took her to her home in another state to get her ready for going into a group home because of her dementia. It hasn't hit me yet she's gone.
Click to expand...


Why didn't you get married a few years back and then the sister and other members of the family would not be able to exert influence over her?
 
Robert59 said:
Here would be someone on drugs or just wouldn't help with the bills. Now thinking about moving in a senior appartment after selling my house. What do you all think about this?
Click to expand...
Robert, I think this is the much better option, knowing your personal specific individual circumstances, from reading your posts here at SF for years.
Roommates can bring many problems that are unsafe or very difficult. And more likely to make things worse for you rather than better. It is not possible to force them to get out if they are a terrible roommate for you.

Most Senior apartments have lower rents for those with medical problems, and you might be able to get moved up on a wait list, too, due to both your financial and your medical.
And when you use up some of your monies from the house sale, your rent would be lowered, in some of the senior housing places. That is the type you should look for, imo.

Most of them have some easier options to get some help with your medical needs when you will need it, too, and they also make changes to your apartment, to make it easier with your specific medical needs, as they get harder for you, in the future, at no extra expense for you at that time, too.

Btw, you shouldn't wait till you sell your house, to get on as many wait lists as you can. Some of them are long.
 
Last edited:
rwb said:
Why didn't you get married a few years back and then the sister and other members of the family would not be able to exert influence over her?
Click to expand...
I learned about this the hard way. People think living together is the same as being married. But in situations like this, it is not.
 
It might be time to consult with a financial planner or elder law attorney to explore your own best financial options. Some states have special trust funds which limit how much abusive elder care can charge. Explore all your options, well. Not a good idea to bring in a stranger who could cause problems.
Be like a flower growing in the ground and accept all that comes your way.
 
rwb said:
Why didn't you get married a few years back and then the sister and other members of the family would not be able to exert influence over her?
Click to expand...
Some people just don't think of it or do so for a number of reasons. People can also get the durable power of attorney for medical and/or financial. There are people with no children or family to trust and they can appoint anyone.
 
There is also a "Disposition of Remains" form (differs by state) giving a non-family member (or anyone really, as family members may not agree) complete authority to either bury or cremate the deceased.
 
rwb said:
Why didn't you get married a few years back and then the sister and other members of the family would not be able to exert influence over her?
Click to expand...
It might actually be best, overall, specifically in Robert's situation, (and in some other people's situations)
that they didn't marry, and that he is not more responsible for all of her needs, at this point, even though it was emotional to have her leave in this manner.
It wouldn't have been easy (and maybe not even possible) to continue to physically care for her, or to see her leave in any other way, either, and he would have needed to arrange more, all while having his own significant medical challenges.

But certainly, in many other people's situations, they should be aware and at least consider their own options, and might want to have legal marriage, instead of having other family members making the decisions and actions.
 
Last edited:
This is very sad. I am sorry for you.

Life goes on. You must now care for yourself.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top