Maybe you've never been "in love"?
Giving one another permission to pursue a new love after one of you pass?
- Thread starter OregonGuy
- Start date
LoveTulips
Senior Member
- Location
- British Columbia, Canada
Uh, I have been married to the same man for 33 years and he and I are definitely in love so I'm not sure what you're saying to me. What is wrong with falling in love with another man or woman if you are a widow or widower? What's the big fuss about???
That's not up to me to decide.
Is that a straight-forward question or a loaded one?
Maybe you can tell me.
Last edited:
Timewise 60+
Senior Member
Yep, I have been married to a red head for well over 50 years. I still have all my hair, but it has been gray for some time now. I told my wife when I first dated her that "I had not ever dated a red head and the only red heads I ever knew were guys." I did not tell her that I had fights with all of the red headed guys I ever met, that part I kept to myself. So far, so good....
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
Calm down and read this once again:
This is at least how I am interpreting Inept (assuming it was Inept that wrote this..?) in this statement:
"Asking for permission" being "given permission" and "the allowance you give yourself" are three different things.
SOME couples may have one or BOTH partners, i. e. the widow(er) who, may perhaps feel guilty or shamed of wanting or EVEN the IDEA someone else once the death occurs.
And when Tulip wrote: "What's the big fuss about???" Tulip didn't see the problem with anything, and why the heck someone got their fur up.
Inept was agreeing, and perhaps at the rolling the eyes stage of trying to HELP persons with built in biases and a syndrome of the permanently offended, just UNDERSTAND a sentence for its true intent. Some people need to pause and take a breath, THINK in/of another possible meaning and NOT automatically assume it was some personal sly snark or inference about ones: shade of skin; sexuality choice; sex; nation of origin; color of their hair, or the kind of food they...
Am I correct in my interpretation of: "Asking for permission" being "given permission" and "the allowance you give yourself" are three different things.
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
Yup. My HD is what I call a strawberry blonde. His hair is blonde to his belly button and then red from there down. He is a sneaky redhead I always tell him! DH has a temper of a red head: fast and hot, but short.
Early in our relationship he got pissed for whatever reason (who knows):
I stood there straight faced, but astonished (in my head), but calm. (Watching a 60 year old (back then) do this performance was quite interesting...
I had to wait one time until he stopped ACTUALLY stomping his feet, turning in circles, huffing and puffing, and throwing his hat on the floor.
Then I said: I've had four kids, DH, and that is the best temper tantrum throwing yet!
DH broke up, (having vented his frustrations) laughing with me.
I let him have his moments of frustration...they are harmless these days.
But Timewise: he was a "pistol" when he was young and in many altercations due to that Dane/redhead mind.
***********
Another time, he was 66, we had gotten married.
We were in our truck finding a parking spot, there were few.
As he was about to swing the 1/2 ton into a parking spot he had found, a young man (16-19) in a beat up Suburu and whipped into the parking spot and took it - with "intention" just because this "kid" thought he could get away with it.
The kid then, with his day backpack on leaped out of his car and began to jog away through the parking lot.
Yup: On the SPOT my DH threw our truck into park. DH LEPT out, and took off after this guy!
And I was thinking: WTH?
DH caught up to the kid, grabbed him off his feet by the backpack and marched him back and made him give him back his parking spot.
Not only does DH have a temper but he IS a Marine with a strong sense of right and wrong.
(He ran some Parris Island training too, for a bit)
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
It is really obvious what Inept was saying but I think you are simply reading more Into his statement than he means?
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
It isn't about control! It is about the kind of love that completely KNOWING how your loved one thinks about many things, and the love of that person, the desire to relieve any that may come; pain in the mind after you are gone.
Not wanting the person to "feel" guilt, or "feel" like they are betraying the emotional deep LOVE as a loving, committed couple can only know.
Stop making it about CONTROL as it isn't at all. Neither is TRUE love.
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
I am planning to be first to die.
I have my DH's new partner already picked out!
She has a happy personality, loves great food, loves world travel; she has her own money to do so.
Do I know I am a control freak? Absolutely!
And I know my DH would want that sort of woman, so he doesn't miss ME for too long. LOL
Life is too short to mourn for too long: love can come on soft, quiet feet like fog.
What do you mean?
That was a lot, CoCo Puffs, and it was courageous of you to take on the task.
Let me start by saying "yes" I wrote it. What I was saying was that whether or not you are given permission .... if you are in love you may feel you are cheating on your spouse even after he/she has passed away. Being given permission makes it morally easier to develop a new relationship but it doesn't mean that you can get passed the feelings of guilt if you are in love with your dearly departed.
CooCooforCoCoPuffs
Senior Member
Exactly!What do you mean?
That was a lot, CoCo Puffs, and it was courageous of you to take on the task.
OregonGuy
Senior Member
A wife asks her husband if she were to die, would he remarry?...
...and her husband says "yes I would remarry I like living a married life and spending time with someone else. The wife gets uncomfortable and proceeds to ask " well would you let her live in our house?"And the husband says "yes I'd let her live here there's nothing wrong with this house."
that worried the wife more, so then she asks "well would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the husband says "yes I like my bed and I don't want to get rid of it I'd let her sleep in it." ''
This only makes the wife more worried so she feels compelled to say "well at least promise me you will never let her use my golf clubs." The husband say "don't worry she will never use your clubs, she's left handed."
